Troubles Are All the Same

CK and I have been watching CHEERS every night for the past few months. It's good to watch just before bed during a pandemic because you have to have something to turn your brain off from fight or flight. Something tepid. Something bland. Cheers is your answer because it's literally the same storyline every single season. So if you sleep through a whole six or seven episodes it's no big deal. You turn it on, watch maybe two episodes and then you fall asleep and wake up hours later to Netflix asking if you're "still watching." That's when you turn it off and the next evening you pick up wherever Netflix shamed you and nothing's lost! Diane and Sam are still fighting, Woody is a darling dimwit, Norm is sexist and sad, and Cliff is awkward and yapping about his trip to Florida. And Carla is about to punch somebody...just because.

There really aren't any redeeming characters on this show. And the comedy barely registers as funny unless you are really, really tired and then it's mildly comical. If we find ourselves chuckling though an episode we know we must have had an extra long day and we're at the breaking point. What's actually funny is when it registers that we're watching it, obsessively, to get through a pandemic. Ha ha ha WHAT?!!

Last night I yelled at Diane every single time she got on the screen. My friend Jenny suggested I react negatively to Diane because she reminds me of the white lady feminism that I'm battling in my own soul (and culture). This is probably true. Even more depressing is how freaking hot I find Sam Malone to be as he prances around the bar wiping things and making drinks and eating things (he's always eating something) and treating women like trash.

It's also a good reminder that white people, as a whole, are a pretty self-absorbed, banal bunch. I can see why non-white people don't hang out at that bar very often. It's like they're actually serving White People Problems on tap. Sadly this is really making me rethink why I watch this show at all.

I do like the clothes though! Their Bostonian preppy looks have motivated me to purchase some CHEERS-inspired pieces for my own wardrobe.  The rampant use of black & white buffalo plaid have made me drool. And Carla's mom jeans are perfection, for example.

But! That classic theme song right? So so so good. We never skip the intro (unless we're asleep!) and we try very hard to sing the whole thing word for word. And sometimes we watch four, five (they're short...and brain numbing remember?) some nights and sing it every time.

However, there's a section of lyrics in that song that I cannot get right. No matter how hard I try. It's like my mouth becomes a salad spinner and I toss out words in random order. Why? Why CHEERS? Why Sam Malone? Why Woody? Why can't I get those lyrics right? Why Cliff Clavin?

Anyway watching me earnestly try to get that song right makes Christopher laugh really hard. Like, he laughs harder at my very earnest attempts than anything in the actual sitcom (not hard). So I've decided that my quarantine goal is to come out of this experience being able to sing the CHEERS theme song with confidence and perfection. CK and COVID-19 be damned.

Ok, my kid needs my laptop now to do a Zoom meeting. What a world right? Carla Tortelli wouldn't put up with this crap.

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