Tuesday, March 12, 2019

My 42nd March 11



Well well well here I am logging in one year older and wiser too.

I spent my birthday intermittently crying, and please don't tell me that has never happened to you. In my 42 years of having a birthday I can honestly say there are happy birthdays and there are sad birthdays and this was a sad one.

Let's call it melancholy instead of sad, ok? Because it sorta felt out of my control. It's like, you're just not feeling it. Not feeling being birthday girl.

I woke up to one child puking in her bed. Another child had the most dynamic breakdown I've experienced as a parent just as it was time to head to school. CK was also sick with the flu (but I question the diagnosis and would put my money on: Pleaser Who Cannot Handle Expectations on Spouse's Birthday.)

For the record, when you are married to a pleaser, the nicest thing you can do for them is plan your own birthday and let them know how exactly they can play a part. I mean, I blew up all my own balloons, designed my own cake, bought my own gifts, even wrote my own birthday card. It's my birthday right? Let me treat myself! I am not a pleaser like CK, but I can please myself when it counts. ;)

On all accounts it was a lovely day. Felt like spring for the first time, my sister Lucy brought me a pot of tulips and hyacinths, my other sister Page took me to lunch and I even got a nap! My mom and dad brought me a luxury towel embossed with "C" (my mom  CINDY was quick to say that it wasn't a re-gift). I heard from a ton of lovely friends and some strangers. I went shopping, ate my favorite sugar cookies, took the kids to dinner by myself which is sometimes kinda nice and ended the day with friends over for cake and story-telling.

The weekend I had spent with Janna in Capitol Reef National Park hiking, eating and totally taking advantage of free therapy. And the night before that, we went to a lovely dinner with dear, dear friends.

And yet, I cried a lot yesterday. I cried at my yearly check up, I cried to Page, I cried to Janna, I cried to CK a TON. I cried by myself driving in the car. I cried when I saw that Ever had spent a few hours decorating my room. I cried at the jalapeno burger I ate for dinner (but that's because of spice, I am pretty sure).

You know, just sometimes you have those kinds of birthdays. I don't know, but I was super happy to wake up to March 12 this morning. I did not want to Billy Murray that birthday.

If you know what I mean.