Thursday, September 28, 2017

On Church & Zion

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A year ago this month I stopped going to church. I don't really want to write much about that. In some ways my life is much better and some ways it's the same, but for the most part it's not really remarkable. It's just a choice. I am still the same person and I am still happy sometimes and sad other times and whatever.

Whatever.

A couple months ago I turned 40 and it's been the best thing I have ever done for myself. I turned 40 and accepted that I am a gender justice warrior. That's who I am. That's my passion. My goal in life is to make this world better for women. Now when I meet someone I let them know that's pretty much the beginning and end of me. If you like sexism or misogyny you'll probably find I am not a fun hang. 

Sometimes I feel shame that I am so passionate this subject, because as it turns out, there are other subjects to be passionate about. I promise I will not passion shame you, please don't passion shame me.

I also sometimes feel shame for the boundaries I draw around my fight with misogyny. A lot of my friends who are just as passionate as I am about sexism still go to church. Not because they don't see it, but because they do see it and they feel they can do some good. As for me, it just makes me angry and I find myself glaring at men in Sunday School who make stupid comments. It's just best for all of us if I brunch out on Sundays. I am good with that. Hope you are too.

And even if you aren't good with that, whatever. That's your thing, and I will respect your devotion with space between us. Because that space is a sacred divide that keeps us both safe, let's be grateful for it.

Because in the end, the world will still spin and I will still carry on as a somewhat over-emphatic but always sincere gender justice warrior and the sun will set and the seasons will turn and slowly slowly slowly I think things will change and hopefully you'll get to see the day when your passion is realized, and I hope the same for me. When my daughters aren't tone-policed and my son understands that "fair" isn't about what people get, but about where people come from, and I will never have to apologize again for standing up for voiceless women even at my own peril--on that day I will enter into Zion.

Enter into Zion--not by church, but by passion. 

It feels good to write again.