Monday, November 9, 2015

Asterisk* Part II

I have received so many loving messages, text emails and comments these past few days. I appreciate it so much. Because I have been lifted and validated I felt like I could lift and validate others who are hurting. Thank you. This weekend left so many of us feeling like we were in a personal crisis--emotionally, spiritually, even physically. I felt it, many of my friends felt it, I know we all tried to be there for each other--liking status updates and commenting with compassion. Again, I am so grateful.

I also heard from a few people very upset with me for the previous post. I have felt all weekend long a desire for myself to show what I mean when I say "it was the actions of *my fellow LDS sisters whose privileged** lifestyle make them utterly incapable of hearing or seeing the pain shared by SO MANY. This church works for them, and in that they feel justified in not listening and not considering a bigger picture."

Here are some of the comments I received by my fellow LDS sisters (and I think a brother) for my post asking for more listening and understanding. (To be honest, they don't even come close to the comments I got when I wrote about voting for Obama YIKES.)

CJane is a hypocrite. She doesn't encourage healthy dialogue. She has let her "fame" get inside her head.

 Cjane plays the "compassionate police" quite well.

Yeah, I think I'm done here. She obviously doesn't want to hear from anyone who thinks differently than her.

I think you need to get over yourself. A very hefty dose of humility would do wonders for you. Read D&C 22:4- seek not to counsel your God. Surely you don't feel God is inspiring your comments, so who is?

Courtney would realize by moving just how isolated Provo / Utah County is from the rest of the church and world. ***

Here is MY "F YOU" letter to Cjane. Your are judgemental as HELL! 

If I was your mother, I would feel so incredibly hurt. 

your tone and intolerance for people who think differently than you is the opposite of love and understanding. In fact, it is bullYing, condescending, and arrogant. You are a beautiful writer and you speak much flattery. So did Nehor, Korihor, and Sherem. Do you know who those people are? (yes, duh Anti-Christs)

All the fame and attention from the world is not worth giving up your birthright. I promise you are not being influenced by angels of light.

The reason why I feel compelled to share this is because these comments are the EXACT thing I was talking about in my post. These ugly droppings. They exhibit the point. Not only here on the internet but also in real life. And it's one thing for me--someone who has a sizeable support group and does this by profession (even still it's shaken me up all these years to the point of almost apathy)--but it's entirely something else when it's a gay Mormon teenager, or a single lesbian mother who has no family support, or trans tween. Whatever, it happens in our church all the time and it hurts. It hurts so much we have to post numbers to suicide hotlines on facebook when things like this happen. When you decide to say things like this, or defend policies that hurt people before you have a chance to hear with empathy to their story YOU ARE HURTING THEM. It's not pretty, it's not righteous, it's not ok. IT'S NOT OK.

I'm just asking: is it possible that before we jump to defend the church we take a moment to listen? Reach out to your LGBT friends and take a moment to hear them out. Even if you still have a roaring desire to defend the church you will have, at the very least, listened to people whose hearts are totally and utterly broken by a policy that most likely doesn't affect you in the same way it does them.

I hope hope hope I've made a point here.

* please note I never said "it was the actions of  ALL my fellow LDS sisters" I also didn't say "my CONSERVATIVE LDS sisters" I also didn't say my "FAITHFUL LDS sisters" there has been some mighty misinterpretation of that line. The definition was those who are "incapable of feeling the pain shared by so many". Do you feel pain about this too? Well then, I'm not talking to you am I? Do you have a different opinion than I do after contemplating this in your heart and hearing others out? Oh, that's great. I'm not talking to you. Also, guess what? IT'S PERFECTLY FINE TO BE ANGRY ABOUT SOMETHING ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU FEEL PEOPLE ARE BEING HURT!

 **please take a moment to read about heterosexual privilege if you haven't before. Enlightening!

***this is called gaslighting. I am supposed to believe if I weren't in Provo my problems wouldn't exit. In Mormon circles it's a way for people to avoid having to see problems in the church at large. When you come across an unhappy Mormon in Utah you can blame Utah and not the rest of the church and therefore skirt the issue. I usually respond to this statement with, "Do you have female bishops where you live? Because if the answer is no then probably this isn't about living in Provo."

I gotta go to bed.