Tuesday, December 11, 2012

When You Squish Upon A Star


Oh my Squish. For the first year of her life I silently promised myself I'd call her proper, Erin Caroline when she turned one. But here we are one year and a couple weeks in counting and she's still my Squishy Von Squishster, Squish Squash, Squash Nut, Squiqqle Squishster of Squishyland, Squish Squat Sqootle Sqat.

I think it might be hopeless.

But what I do know is that I like this one. She's not an independent being like her two older siblings, she likes to be in my pocket all day. She roams about the house, always two or three steps behind me toddling along like some drunken mummy of ancient times. Her arms are outstretched, feed wide apart, and all movement begins and ends with a slow side-to-side. Honestly, it's like having the walking dead follow me around all day.

She's the only baby I've ever known who initiates hugs and kisses, actually puts her arms around my neck and squeezes affectionately. In my queasy pregnant state, Squishy's warm baby breath on my neck is often just the cure for my apathy. My other babies were fun to love, but my Squish is fun to be loved by.

And she's got her dad wrapped around her finger. The two of them are the best of companions. Sometimes I feel like I am interrupting their earth-found joy and rapture. Every night at dinner Chup pulls her high chair next to his seat and heaps food upon her tray at her slightest command. And when we go out, Dad tucks her into his jacket and carries her around like a lap dog all zipped up to her neck.

I told my mom shortly after her birth, this baby was here to change the world. She was born with eyes open, full attention, with amazing awareness. She's picked up on survival skills and physical skills early on and on her own. But when I am around her, watching her slip oranges and grapes into her mouth, or even those midnight rocks in the chair, I feel stronger about myself. Her undying love for me encourages me to take care of my intutition, listen to my promptings and dare to act on what is right.

This baby has already changed my world. Even with a name like Squishy.

Happy One Year My Fantastic Girl.