Tuesday, December 11, 2012

When You Squish Upon A Star

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Oh my Squish. For the first year of her life I silently promised myself I'd call her proper, Erin Caroline when she turned one. But here we are one year and a couple weeks in counting and she's still my Squishy Von Squishster, Squish Squash, Squash Nut, Squiqqle Squishster of Squishyland, Squish Squat Sqootle Sqat.

I think it might be hopeless.

But what I do know is that I like this one. She's not an independent being like her two older siblings, she likes to be in my pocket all day. She roams about the house, always two or three steps behind me toddling along like some drunken mummy of ancient times. Her arms are outstretched, feed wide apart, and all movement begins and ends with a slow side-to-side. Honestly, it's like having the walking dead follow me around all day.

She's the only baby I've ever known who initiates hugs and kisses, actually puts her arms around my neck and squeezes affectionately. In my queasy pregnant state, Squishy's warm baby breath on my neck is often just the cure for my apathy. My other babies were fun to love, but my Squish is fun to be loved by.

And she's got her dad wrapped around her finger. The two of them are the best of companions. Sometimes I feel like I am interrupting their earth-found joy and rapture. Every night at dinner Chup pulls her high chair next to his seat and heaps food upon her tray at her slightest command. And when we go out, Dad tucks her into his jacket and carries her around like a lap dog all zipped up to her neck.

I told my mom shortly after her birth, this baby was here to change the world. She was born with eyes open, full attention, with amazing awareness. She's picked up on survival skills and physical skills early on and on her own. But when I am around her, watching her slip oranges and grapes into her mouth, or even those midnight rocks in the chair, I feel stronger about myself. Her undying love for me encourages me to take care of my intutition, listen to my promptings and dare to act on what is right.

This baby has already changed my world. Even with a name like Squishy.

Happy One Year My Fantastic Girl.

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20 comments:

Aiketa said...

Lovely post C. Jane! She is so so cute!!!
Regards from Barcelona.

Aiketa said...

Oh, and I like the photos that might be taken at some Natural museum, aren't they?

Aiketa said...

BTW, I'm loving all your latest posts and also the fact that you are posting more frequently lately!
But specially how you changed about feminism, about your position about the election, your life story...
Thank for everything!

P.S: Three comments in a row... that's a lot. I promise though that this is the last one (today).

Erin said...

Squishy is such a beautiful child. I see the Chief in her, and more Ever now than earlier...
She's just growing up so fast lately!

Congrats on your wonderful children.

PRP said...

My second daughter Sienna was given the nickname of Squish the day she came home from the hospital by her older sister. Seven and a half years later, it is still the name that is heard the most in our house. We've had our own variations as well but there's something about a Squishy that is ever so lovable. I hope Erin wears it happily!

Meme said...

This post put me in such a good mood...thanks.

Brenick said...

it took me almost two years to finally stop call my baby, "baby", "boo boo", and "baby boo boo" hahaha, im so creative right??

i love your nicknames for her, too cute!

Our Family said...

Happy Birthday to your Squishy! She is adorable.

What you said reminds me of my last baby, Elisabeth Rose (or Libby) who was, and at 8 years old, still is fun to be loved by. She is the peacemaker, loves everyone, takes care of everyone, and makes me feel so good about myself just by being around. It's amazing, isn't it? I don't know what I'd do without my Pidge, Lib, Lidibis, Libster, or Libbis. (She's rarely her proper name either!)

erin m judd said...

beautiful post. brought tears to my eyes.

kshannoka said...

A year already? Wow!
You deserve a little fan at your side - or should I say wild side? Where did you ever have those pictures taken. A riot!

Happy Birthday Squishy Squashmeister!

phylly3 said...

I have a grand-daughter who is also so easy to be loved by. Since she was a baby she would pat my back when I held her. Now she is seven and still just precious and a nurturer at heart with so much empathy. She has so many friends, kids just gravitate to her. I try hard not to make a difference, but it is impossible not to love and feel loved by her just a little bit more.

Mindy Gledhill said...

So sweet, Ceej. So sweet.

Until such time... said...

My first one I wanted a boy. (Check.) My second one I wanted a girl. (Check.) My third one I wanted a baby. There is just something about that 3rd baby... The first two have each other. The 3rd is mommy's.

At least that's how it worked for me and mine.

Nicknames are clever and endearing. She will always be your Squishy.

C. Jane said...

These are some of my favorite comments I've ever read. Thank you dear friends!

Whimcees said...

Hello!

She is so beautiful! You are blessed with these wonderful children!

Wishing you a happy once in a hundred years day - 12-12-12!

Hugs,

Barbara Diane

This Girl loves to Talk said...

I have a Nataliya and boy is that name a mouthful and we never call her by that. She is known as TaTa which a few people like to remind me means boobs...(when she was a baby I was like thats ok.. she loves boobs :) I try to steer away from it.. I mean there are lovely names taliya, liya, yaya or um how bout her full name...

she is 3 and its funny when people ask her her name I dont think she even knows what it is cause she doesnt often answer...

Elyssium Earth said...

Happy Birthday Squish Fantastic. Hip hip hooray! SKU

Taryn said...

Around this time last year I was waiting for my 'late' baby to come. I cried reading Erin's divine birth story becuase I too firmly believe that 'birth matters.' I was so touched by the strength and faith that went into providing such a peaceful, intimate entrance into this world for your sweet baby girl. This is a gift you only get one shot at giving, and you gave so gracefully. I have enjoyed seeing Baby Squish grow this past year. She is absolutely perfect in every way! Happy Belated Birthday Erin Caroline!

PS, my great-something grandmother is also Caroline Cooper Layton...I think she'd be very proud!

Unknown said...

Um-wow on these awesome photos!!!!

Seattle Rhodes said...

I have a daughter I call "Squishy" <3 When she was teeny tiny and I would kiss her little perfect forehead it was beautiful and soft and she smelled just so perfectly. She is now 15 and there are still times I call her "Squishy" out of pure love. She will always be my Squish! Her first name is Eryn <3 Erin is loved immensely!