Monday, August 13, 2012

Paging Anne Lamott

I would like to write more about the darkest times in my life, the relationship with the boy who equally thrilled and terrified me. I'd like to explore the ways I was manipulated, or as I called it in my previous chapter, robbed, in that relationship. I'd like to be candid about the abusive tendencies in our relationship that led me to be too afraid to say "no" when I wanted to scream it and believe it myself. But in the end I still feel too afraid. Really, afraid. Can anyone tell me what I am so afraid of?

(I mean, besides the fb message he sent me at the beginning of the summer with clever undertones of warning me not to share on my blog what really happened in our relationship fifteen years ago...)

We forgive these people who hurt us. Don't we? We forgive them, but the memory of what happened is still found inside of us. I don't think about that relationship much in my life, but I think about the girl I was with painful freshness. And when I see her in others, other women in other relationships, I become almost nonfunctional with awareness.

Is it important to tell these stories too?