Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Some Thoughts On Now
These past few days have come with an intensity. While my schedule is clear, my mind is not. I keep thinking and thinking. And sleep is slippery, it comes in waves but never sustainable. I can't eat enough either, there is a short interval of time after a meal when I feel satisfied.
Life is changing around here.
Chup and I are working on some big decisions for our family. My regular mode of operation would call for some heavy praying on my part, followed up by rash and risky decisions. But this time I've decided to pull back and let my husband get the heavenly go ahead.
For my part, I'll keep growing this baby.
The red spots on the top of the mountain are starting to fall closer and closer to the foothills. It won't be long until they surround our home and cloak us with fall. The sunlight is giving up sooner in the day with longer shadows projected by the northwestern sky. My brother promises the lazy grasses we planted in the front this summer will shoot up next summer. Even bigger.
And my children, they keep pushing the limits of how much my heart can possible love them. How are they so intensely endearing? How can I just sit here and watch them grow under my feet? It makes me cry, which makes my son say, "Stop crying okay Mom?" which makes me cry all the more.
Because how is he even old enough to recognize my emotions?
The bishop stopped by for a visit last week, he reminded me, "You don't need closure, it's not some right we're entitled to" which couldn't have come at a better time in my life. All the many loose ends I feel with projects, ideas and people I can let go. Let go. Let go.
Just when I feel the enormous mouth of the unknown starting to swallow me whole, there's a little thought in my head which calls for meditation,
"Wait on the Lord."
And so, I am waiting.
photos from Instagram (cjanekendrick)
Last year I mentioned a little program called myjobchart.com on my blog, about helping your children learn the value of work using the ideas of saving, sharing and spending. After our mention here the site went on to help over 100,000 children in this program.
In case you didn't see this the first time click here to read more.
If there is one thing I hope to teach my children, ONE THING, it's hard work.
After that? Brotherly kindness and magic!
Oh how we're all going to need this concert: