Sunday, August 14, 2011

Guide to Your Education Week



Each year thousands upon thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people flock to Provo for BYU's Education Week. They come to take inspiring classes, to be enlightened and to bask in the warmth of a Mormon-tilted week-long education. Hooray!

For us locals though, we call it Hell Week. Suddenly there are cars, crowds and patrons where there weren't before and it takes us twice as long to get anywhere or do anything. But we endure because, thank you sales tax $.

I had this idea that I'd write a little guide for our friends coming into town. See? I am friendly, though I probably won't leave my house that week. Especially not to obtain food from Cafe Rio. You've got to be kidding.

Voila, I give you C. Jane's Education Week Guide:

1. You can't have BYU mint brownies for breakfast every day. Try Communal for breakfast, on University Ave and 100 North. You could even walk from campus, fifteen minutes? Twenty minutes? Chup always gets the biscuits and gravy, I don't care what I get because I like it all. The daily pastry is a must have. Now that I'm looking at their menu I am thinking I've got to go in tomorrow and have their baked pancake. Hello Babysitter?
102 North University Avenue (great prices for phenomenal food)

2. You know we take our snow cones seriously around here, don't you? I mean, it doesn't take an Education Week class to figure that one out. You might be tempted to try the Rainbow Snow on the corner across from the Creamery. Take it from me, that one is just okay. If you really want the jewel in our crown here, go up 9th, north on Timpview drive and down to Canyon Road for the Surf n' Slurp. Now listen carefully, click on this link to the Surf n' Slurp blog. On the top there is a tab labeled: SECRET MENU. Click on that tab, there you will behold the wonders of the Surf n' Slurp sacred stash of snow conery. Tell no one I gave you these instructions. Leave no footprints. Don't talk to strangers...
3123 N Canyon Rd (by Day's Market)

3. While you are here you might want to visit the remains of the Provo Tabernacle (which was consumed with fire last December). And while you are there looking at the gutted belly and saved facade you might wonder "What are they going to do with this structure?" and I am just going to tell you straight up: NO ONE KNOWS. Well, the City Council knows and all they've told me is that it's going to be really cool. So, there's nothing for you.
University Avenue & Center Street

4. I know you are going to want lunch sometime during the time spent growing your brain. I talked to the dudes at Slab Pizza and they told me they're rolling out some new pizzas for Education Week. Like, the Fire Pizza, which is supposedly the hottest thing you've ever had in your mouth. (Mike n' Ikes???) Anyway, if you're wondering where the C. Jane pizza is, it's now called the Breakfast Pizza. Due to my unruly behavior they no longer associate this slab with me or my blog. That's right, I've been disowned. In full disclosure I told them I'd repent and they could name a new pizza after me, like a Sea Jane pizza which would be loaded with crab. You like it, you like it, you like it. They don't like it.
669 East 800 North (just south of campus)

5. If you are going to attempt Slab you might as well stop around the corner by our newest dessert shack The Awful Waffle. There you can order Belgian waffles or French crepes and have them topped to your tastebud's dreams with cream, chocolate, strawberries, Nutella or Speculoos (I must try this Speculoos of which you speak). See facebook page here.
815 North 700 East (order at window, eat outside)

6. While you are here you'll probably need a map, and the best map of Provo is this one.

7. You'd be kidding yourself if you said you didn't need a bag of the BYU Bookstore's chocolate covered cinnamon bears. How are you supposed to make it through your next class?
BYU Bookstore Candy Counter (stop pretending you don't know where that is)

8. One night you'll want to wash all that BYU cheese off of you and you'll want to do it by going to Velour to check a live show. Go here to see your choices. Or, if your Tuesday is open you could crash the Open Mic Acoustic Night and get up on stage yourself. Just know, in Provo you've got to be good if you want to perform. We're picky about our tunes. REAL PICKY.
135 North University Avenue (usually a couple bucks to get in--all ages welcome)

9. Now, I've divulged some of our best kept secrets here, and I hope you'll take that seriously. I've got one more, but listen, I can't have you telling all of your Education Week friends about this one. I can't have lines in my favorite burrito place, ok? So, between you and me: the locals-in-the-know get their burrito fix at Mountain West Burrito. Yes, it shares space with a smoke shop on the wrong side of town, but it's so worth your integrity to go inside and order a burrito. People always look at me sideways and say, "Are you sure about this?" and I say "MWB is reminiscent of my favorite Taqueria in San Mateo, California," and they say, "Sold!" If you happen to be coming from San Mateo, California then, THEN, and then will I see you at Cafe Rio. (Just kidding I won't.)
1796 North 950 West (locally grown ingredients, organic food)

10. My sister Stephanie and I always laugh because any ordeal at BYU brings an inevitable train of drive bys outside our front houses. We're on the same tour as Donny Osmond's house (which is gated) and Larry King's house (which is also gated). We know you are out there, we see your slow-downs, your should-I-honk? faces. You know you're just making us feel famous. How did you find us anyway? Never mind, just don't forget to drop off that bag of chocolate covered cinnamon bears you bought us at the bookstore. We probably won't answer the door, but if you leave it on the doorstep we'll get it eventually.
Not disclosing address.

Enjoy!


p.s. While completing the items on this list, please tell the people of these fine establishments that C. Jane from CJaneRun.com sent you. I need all the good vibes I can get. Especially from those Slab fellows.

p.p.s Could you forward this post onto your aunt who is coming to Education Week but doesn't read my blog. Wait, YOUR AUNT DOESN'T READ MY BLOG???

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