Thursday, July 21, 2011

I Just Want To Tell A Funny Story


The last two days I've been doing a photoshoot for the Food Nanny on BYUtv. It's been a pretty harrowing experience. Diana from Yan Photography has been behind the camera, and at both locations I've had something heavy and possibly deathly fall on my head. You think I'm being funny, I am not.

I almost died twice in the last few days. So now I am blogging while writing my will. Who should get my kids? I mean, if Chup goes too? If I go without Chup I've got a list of acceptable women he can marry. Though it looks like I'll have to cross my stylist Ashlee off that list (waaaah, young love). I've always thought if my children couldn't have me, they'd at least have great hair.

Truthfully though, Diana is a very alluring person--even though she was clearly out to maim me. Ok, the second near-death experience nothing landed on my head but it was a pencil eraser's width away from landing on my head--which makes a girl think about her mortality. Let me tell you.

Who should get my prized VHS copy of Labyrinth?

Today's shoot was of me and my fake family at a dinner table. A really good looking Billy Crudup-type played my husband and a adorable ten year old Gracie was my daughter. I am emphasizing how enchanting my fake family was today because sometimes I like to make my real family feel jealous and give me more attention.

Billy Cudrup, what a dream. Dreamy, dream, dream, dreamy, dream.

(Working yet?)

I was told to be at a blue house with a yellow door in Mapleton by noon. Of course, I had actual directions but there can only be one blue house with a yellow door in Mapleton, Utah believe me. When I arrived in the home an artsy, gregarious mom came to welcome me. And she said,

"Do I need to introduce myself?"

And before I could say yes, I had this recollection of being at our Lower Lights Rooftop Show last October doing a massive cd giveaway from the stage. Chup was actually in the crowd picking people to win and I was above getting the crowd all crazy about it. And crazy they went. People stood, jumped, yelled, waved, whistled, screamed and begged. From the front of the audience there arose a tornado of wanton movement. This striking, blond woman was actually shimmying at my husband's side. Moving her shoulders and her hips--and everything else there was to shimmy--for a chance to win the tower of cds for her sister.

For her sister!

(It's time for every Christian woman ask themselves: would I shimmy for my sister?)

But Chup somehow didn't make her a winner that night.

Even still, a beautiful blond throwing herself at my husband, shimmying and sauntering for his winning affection? It's an image I will never get out of my head.

Nor could Chup.

He thought about her all that weekend, "I should've given her the cds," he lamented over and over again. Then you know what he did? He went on my blog and wrote to the world this:

Shimmy girl - You're the one from the concert that jumped out in front of me. I've felt bad ever since that I didn't give you one of the CD packages. Black shirt? Wanted the CDs for your sister? Don't actually know if she reads the blog, but maybe someone who knows her can tell her? I think she knows Justin Hackworth? 

It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happens next in this post, Shimmy Girl was actually Leah Naomi--owner of the blue house with the yellow door in Mapleton. The photoshoot was at her clean white house, with her clean white walls and her clean white kitchen.

And no, she didn't need to introduce herself. At all, actually.

So we spent the afternoon in her home, taking photos with my fake family, and meeting her real family and hearing about all her design projects for downtown Provo (yay!) and after all, just when I didn't think I could like Shimmy Girl anymore, I did. I just did.

I know you thought this story was going to end with me being jealous because Shimmy Girl turned out to be quite lovely, but maybe you forgot . . . Billy Crudup?



*photos taken by Diana from Yan. Please note, I always put my hands on my hip when I take a photo. My friend Heather Corrigan taught me to do that when I was a missionary and it's going to the grave with me. Speaking of going to my grave, I've almost finished my will.Topher, if you're reading this from London, you get my kids. J/k you get my Muu Muu collection.


*my make-up by the empowering Daniela Rowson and her massive collection of MAC. Marrrrrvelous MAC!




I'll be wearing my gold Lilac Clothing dress. And we're just bringing blankets.