Tuesday, August 24, 2010

S.O.S Ashlee

I was tired, alright?

So tired I didn't crawl into bed, I fell. I fell flat on my face up against my pillow and went comatose within seconds. But I didn't know about the all night party The Chief and Ever had planned for me. Yahoo! Party upstairs! So it didn't last long, this coma, because a short time later I was serving milky drinks to the two and under crowd until the sun came up.

And when that sun came up, so did my hair.

I was tired, (remember?) the night before and didn't make the seemingly giant effort to take the twin braids out of my hair. So when I woke up I had what you might call Viking Hair. Sorta like this.


Except, replace the horns with a sizeable rat's nest and minus the mustache (although I wouldn't put it past my hormone infrequency these days) then add back in the scowl. That's about right. Thanks Minnesota.

But I did what any serious mother does, I forgot about my Viking hair and got up, got dressed and got a bowl of Cheerios. And ate them.

Nearing ten o'clock I retreated outside to see what on earth was making my kitchen dishes shake. It turns out there was a big dump truck across the street dumping something that excited The Chief. As we were watching this rivoting display of dumping, my neighbor Janna stopped by.

I greeted her as I always do because she is just about the best neighbor in the world.

And she greeted me back.

And we talked.

And I looked over to see what The Chief was doing and caught a glimpse of my shadow against the sidewalk.

Oops. I had forgotten about my hair. It looked like I had a fuzzy two-legged octopus on my head who had given birth to seventy three other fuzzy octopus babies.

"I forgot about my hair," I said to Janna reaching up to press down on the increase.

"It's fine," she said, like she acknowledged that yes, my hair was spawning octopus babies but it's fine, no big deal.

Best neighbor in the world eh? What did I tell you?

Later around one o'clock Chup brought his friend Ryan home after they had a business lunch. I was on the floor of the green room, cleaning out my holiday decoration box (you all have one too, I know) and singing at lung capacity to Vampire Weekend. When they opened the door and saw me there I felt like I was a teenager again getting caught singing in the mirror when I thought no one was watching (you all did it too, I know).

"Hey guys," I said playing it cool.

"Hey," Ryan said back avoiding eye contact.

But we talked anyway, about his children, child bearing and women's birthing hips in this decade. He brought that up, not me. By the way.

I went to toss something in the garbage and caught another glimpse of me in the mirror.

Ooops. I had forgotten about my hair again. It looked like I had been hit by lightning. Twice. Maybe three times. And each strand appeared to be hoarding electricity. It looked like trampoline hair.

"I forgot about my hair," I said to Ryan.

"It's fine," he said like, I am glad I'm not married to you, but I am sure it's fine for Chup.

But I wasn't so sure about that. Tonight as I was looking through Chup's photos of the day I noticed he had secretly shot a photo of my Viking Electric Octopus Hair while I was at my desk.


"I forgot about my hair," I said to Chup upon viewing this photo.

"It's fine," he said, like he actually liked it.

And maybe I was still too tired to know better, but I believed him.





I am c jane and here are some photos I found while googling "Viking Hair":




contact me:
cjanemail@gmail.com

32 comments:

Tara said...

Wow. I'm kind of upset that the actual picture of you isn't more clear. After all of the hype about the baby octopuses I wanted to see this up close, in order to believe it for myself.

If it makes you feel better I forgot I was in my pajamas {at 5pm} and STILL not wearing a bra when we had unexpected company. It wasn't until they were welcomed in that I realized I should've pretended we weren't home, or made a B-line for my bedroom. I could've done just about anything else besides welcoming them into our entry with my moo moo and no bra.

Only my husband of 12 years should have to see something so pleasant.

Thanks for making me laugh tonight :)!

We live in a Zoo! said...

Lol! It is fine, it made this post possible and thus my laughter ;D

Sammi said...

i love that photo of the babies with the viking hair.

your hair makes me smile, I totally have days like that. except that my hair is short, and ends up looking much like a bees nest... or a pineapple, if i've attempted to tie it up the night before.

Carrie Stuart said...

Loved this post! If it's Viking photos you like, you should check out this one:

http://www.imperialstuarts.com/2009/03/flashback-fridaywild-woman-not.html

I am embarrassed to say how many times I've been just humming along, having forgotten about my hair. Universal mom experience, I think.

Monica said...

I'm giving you points for "pre-Sunday hair thought". My hub once turned to me in church and said, "I like your ponytail" in the kindest way...even though he'd seen it every day for the past week.

Creole Wisdom said...

LOL, go Vikes- and that's all I gotta say about viking hair.

I'd say a half braid like that would be more: Lauren Conrad-ish, but that's just me.

I think you need to come visit MN, it's the best state in the union and the midwest :)I'm glad you had a good trip!

Sarah Jane said...

Those last pics are fantastic. I felt a little MN pride with this post!
Here's to a better hair day.

Susie Homemaker said...

Thank you for my morning laugh...
I always know when I hear the FINE word it is time to go back and start over...

Have a wonderful day...
Susie

Doty Family said...

Ha, Ha, Ha! Love it!

Butternutsage said...

teeeheee funny sdtory adn guess what from what I could see your hair looks fine!!! Kind cute girlish sort of! Love you Courtney and your prose! Hugs
Donna from Massachusetts

Annie said...

Hahaha..... I adore you. Your blog never fails to have me cracking up. You brighten my day! Thanks :)

MrsRobbieD said...

Is Grandma there throw up the RockStar...Or pointing at her pointy hat??

Ive had these days...in a row.

~Dawn~ said...

I love the MN references in this post. Yay Vikings, Yay Brett Favre and YAY to Cjane's Vikings Hair!! :) lol

P.S. If anyone can rock Vikings Hair...it would be you Courtney!!

Dawn
http://www.mom-a-logues.blogspot.com

tharker said...

Love it!

I put velcro rollers in my hair yesterday around 10, and promptly forgot about them. Two hours later, I ran to the neighbors to borrow their oven....long story... It wasn't until he asked what in the world had happened to my hair that I realized I still had them in. Awesome.

Love the one of the old lady! Looks like she's saying "It's fine" too. ;)

Kelly said...

HA HA HA!!!! Love the Granny viking. Rock on, Grandma!

Rhiannon said...

Janna is the best isn't she. I never feel chubby in her presence either. Even though she is the size of a toothpick... even after having twins!

Lori said...

What a funny post and what a funny, crazy day you and your hair had.

Sparcam said...

Okay, you being the trendsetter you are, am I going to see more of this at home when I visit next time? Should I just buy the viking hats for my little ones now? AWESOME POST! Thanks for making a poopy day a little lighter!
Suzanne
http://camarenacircus.blogspot.com

kentucky said...

Does it surprise you that I had viking hair for an entire 3 day period about a week and a half ago?

You should answer truthfully. No, it does not surprise you. Can I borrow Ashlee sometime?

Cher said...

great post! loved it. always makes me feel better to hear people do the same things as i do.
p.s. i was hoping the pic of your hair would be more extreme. didn't look that bad to me!

Heather said...

Thanks, cjane. I needed a laugh.

Suzie Petunia said...

I have to admit my favorite part of the entire post is the picture of the granny rockin' it viking-style. :)

Yesterday I put one of my daughter's big bow clips in my hair to keep my bangs out of my face while cleaning. I realized it was still there after our dinner guests had left. !!!Doh!!!

Anna said...

Good crap cjane. You crack me up.

jules said...

Lol, have you ever been screened for ADD/ADHD, just kidding of course. I've had naturally curly hair since birth and since it is so thick it takes a good 45 minutes to blow out straight and since I do have ADD along w/ a host of other stuff I get about 5 minutes in and I'm on to something else. If you have wavy hair it has a personality all its own.

I'm sure you're Viking Doo was every bit as creative and interesting as you!

Jocelyn said...

SOOOO, I was not going to comment when I read your blog this morning. I could not relate to it so why comment, right. WRONG! Went out with my kids today and I saw this lady who put some thought into how she looked, clothes looked pretty good, make up was well done, nice nails, etc. But oh my, the HAIR! your's looks NORMAL compared to hers. The difference, She had BACK COMBED her hair that way. You know the viking, well, her hair was back combed like vikings horns. I am NOT joking. I wanted to say something but didn't want to come off as rude, but I felt for this lady. It looked BEYOND horrid. So, while you went around that way not intentionally, there was a lady who went around like that on purpose. sad.

Maria said...

Lol! That's awesome! Yay for octopus/Viking hair! Soon we will see it on all the runways thanks to CJane! Btw I love that picture of the boy/girl Viking twins--that's too precious! I love the other pix too-so funny!

Geo said...

You'll start a new trend. Is that so wrong? Embrace your inner Brunhilda.

Anyway, I've been sitting on that very viking baby hat pattern for years now, intending to knit it. Isn't it about... time?

Kim said...

That's your bed head? It's not bad. I look like Medusa when I wake up in the morning. My hubs likes to take secret pictures of my crazy hair too. Darn him!

Mama Elle said...

HAHAHAHA! I'm pretty sure this is my favorite CJane post of all time.

B. Claire said...

that was extra hilarious. thank you.

thorney said...

Mom hair never leaves your life once is begins. I think it is a right of passage that translate to there being more important things than how our hair (or clothing) looks?

My children are 2@27 and 1@30, and I still have bad bad bad hair days when even the ponytail is looking hazardous. While sweat pants have long been replaced with yoga pants they still translate to my not wanting to really get dressed, and in the winter I wear yoga pants with the Uggs--it works.

You will always look beautiful.

--Mari
P.S. I think men really like the messy hair look on us. I think to them it looks sexy, so go with that thought.

flori said...

LOVE the phrase, "Fine, as in I'm glad I'm not married to you, but maybe it's okay for your husband." That made me laugh. I want a knitted viking helmet hat for myself. That is the awesomest thing I've seen all day.