Tuesday, August 24, 2010

S.O.S Ashlee

I was tired, alright?

So tired I didn't crawl into bed, I fell. I fell flat on my face up against my pillow and went comatose within seconds. But I didn't know about the all night party The Chief and Ever had planned for me. Yahoo! Party upstairs! So it didn't last long, this coma, because a short time later I was serving milky drinks to the two and under crowd until the sun came up.

And when that sun came up, so did my hair.

I was tired, (remember?) the night before and didn't make the seemingly giant effort to take the twin braids out of my hair. So when I woke up I had what you might call Viking Hair. Sorta like this.

Except, replace the horns with a sizeable rat's nest and minus the mustache (although I wouldn't put it past my hormone infrequency these days) then add back in the scowl. That's about right. Thanks Minnesota.

But I did what any serious mother does, I forgot about my Viking hair and got up, got dressed and got a bowl of Cheerios. And ate them.

Nearing ten o'clock I retreated outside to see what on earth was making my kitchen dishes shake. It turns out there was a big dump truck across the street dumping something that excited The Chief. As we were watching this rivoting display of dumping, my neighbor Janna stopped by.

I greeted her as I always do because she is just about the best neighbor in the world.

And she greeted me back.

And we talked.

And I looked over to see what The Chief was doing and caught a glimpse of my shadow against the sidewalk.

Oops. I had forgotten about my hair. It looked like I had a fuzzy two-legged octopus on my head who had given birth to seventy three other fuzzy octopus babies.

"I forgot about my hair," I said to Janna reaching up to press down on the increase.

"It's fine," she said, like she acknowledged that yes, my hair was spawning octopus babies but it's fine, no big deal.

Best neighbor in the world eh? What did I tell you?

Later around one o'clock Chup brought his friend Ryan home after they had a business lunch. I was on the floor of the green room, cleaning out my holiday decoration box (you all have one too, I know) and singing at lung capacity to Vampire Weekend. When they opened the door and saw me there I felt like I was a teenager again getting caught singing in the mirror when I thought no one was watching (you all did it too, I know).

"Hey guys," I said playing it cool.

"Hey," Ryan said back avoiding eye contact.

But we talked anyway, about his children, child bearing and women's birthing hips in this decade. He brought that up, not me. By the way.

I went to toss something in the garbage and caught another glimpse of me in the mirror.

Ooops. I had forgotten about my hair again. It looked like I had been hit by lightning. Twice. Maybe three times. And each strand appeared to be hoarding electricity. It looked like trampoline hair.

"I forgot about my hair," I said to Ryan.

"It's fine," he said like, I am glad I'm not married to you, but I am sure it's fine for Chup.

But I wasn't so sure about that. Tonight as I was looking through Chup's photos of the day I noticed he had secretly shot a photo of my Viking Electric Octopus Hair while I was at my desk.

"I forgot about my hair," I said to Chup upon viewing this photo.

"It's fine," he said, like he actually liked it.

And maybe I was still too tired to know better, but I believed him.

I am c jane and here are some photos I found while googling "Viking Hair":

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