Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I Can Explain the Over Dramatics

I have been sick.

So sick.

On Thursday night after having dinner with some friends of ours I told Chup I wasn't feeling so good. About an hour later I was having chills. About two hours later I was feeling . . . well . . . like dying.

So I did what any rational wife would do, I went on facebook and picked from out of my real life friends Chup's next wife.

"She'll be a great mother to the kids, and look, she's easy on the eyes!"

Chup looked.

I shivered.

Chup shrugged.

And with that decided, I proceeded to die.

But when Sunday came and I still hadn't passed from this mortal life, I decided to head to the Insta Care to see what was taking so long.

My poor body was riddled with infection. I was declared a "sick little girl" but lo and behold, I was going to live. I mean, I WAS GOING TO LIVE! And a bottle of turquoise antibiotic pills was going to make sure of it.

I couldn't tell if Chup was disappointed. (My replacement really is a looker!) But here I am. Back into the swing of mortality, here to continue the life of c jane in the membrane.

And sure, I can write it in silly humor now, but at the time, it was not funny. I seriously became apathetic about my life--I thought I had the simple flu, but ended up with an army of white blood cells marching all over my body. I was in so much pain. It didn't make it easier when my sister Stephanie came to visit and just had to ask,

"How do you feel?"

"Don't ask me that."


"Because I will have to tell you I am in pain and it will sound so stupid when I look into your eyes and complain about pain. So please don't ask me," I begged.

Then we laughed.

But only for a second because it was seriously painful.

But it was all put into perspective one night when I had the shakes and sweats and insomnia all wrapped together like a poltergeist around my body. Chup stayed awake with me as I read him a post from Amy's blog.

Amy is a mother of six who found out she had terminal cancer in April. From the moment I posted about fundraising efforts on her behalf on my Provo blog to now, I've been getting updates on her health. This past July third she passed away. It happened so fast.

I came across a post her husband Gary wrote while Amy was in her last days. It is a reflective entry by a husband who is about lose his wife. It's humbling. It's real, and genuine and sweet. I tried to read it out loud to Chup but couldn't get through without an overwhelming wave of emotions--sadness, guilt, hope, hopelessness, support, loneliness, desire to do better. It was powerful, to say the least.

It reminded me that I have so much here. Here, on this earth. I have body that can scratch my husband's back, tackle my two year old as he runs away from me (that little booger . . .) and nurse my baby at her desire. Life--this life--really is beautiful. And despite my recent brush with slight human suffering, I am so healthy. Healthy and happy.

Plus, Chup's next wife is a patient woman.

Anyway, I'd love for you to read Gary's post, see if it doesn't resolve something in your soul and make you glad you are here too.

Click here.

And p.s. in case you are wondering, I am feeling better. By the day.

rrrrred shoes bbbbbblue skirt:

Scoot over here:

I am c jane and I'm going now to scratch my husband's back .

contact me: