Thursday, July 29, 2010

I Ain't No Fortunate Son, Oh No

Tonight Chup and I
are writing fortunes for everyone who comes to Mindy Gledhill's album release concert next Monday. The idea is to raise money for Provo's downtown cultural arts--you donate cash, you get a fortune written by c jane or Chup. Why are you laughing? People pay big money for our fortunes. I mean, they will in the future. See? I just told my own fortune.

As it goes, the fortunes were actually due at 8:00 tonight--per Mindy's request, but it's 10:22pm and we've only written five so far.

Five, no wait. Four. Actually, let me just . . . look at our list so far . . . shuffling papers . . . ok . . . um, reading over them real fast . . . oh . . . scratch that one out (stupid! stupid!) and . . . three. We've written three so far.

It's going to be a long night.

Chup keeps coming up with motivational ones like, "You are what you think about, so think about what you are" which I won't accept because that is not a fortune, that is Yoda. Or Oprah. Or somebody.

I like fortunes that tell the future, you know, give you a sparkle inside your heart.

Here's one I wrote:

"Tomorrow you will find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck."

Isn't that a thriller? Don't spend the penny, just pick it up. Pick it up . . . good luck. One whole day. If you got that fortune the night of Mindy's concert, how would you sleep that night knowing what was about to unfold THE NEXT DAY?

That is what I am talking about.

By way of compromising, Chup and I did come together on one fortune so far. After complaining that Chup's weren't foresighty enough he came up with,

"You will be getting a new pet."

Which was . . . well . . . a start. So I added,

"You will be a getting a new pet--a new pet peeve. Enjoy!"

Then Chup looked at me like "are you kidding?" and I looked at him back like, "no I am not kidding, in fact I think it's genius!" and he shook his head and I started laughing deliriously and come to think of it I should probably scratch that one off the list too.

So now we are down to two.

Well, anyway. I've got to get back to fortune telling. It's taxing. If you can't tell.

Here's the poster again, because I know you are coming and I wanted to get you excited:

Just look at what our mayor is up to this time:

I am c jane and if you leave me a comment all of your wildest dreams will come true. Except not the one where you are naked in public. Sorry.

contact me:


The Boob Nazi said...

I only wish I still lived there so I could get such an awesome fortune.

AM said...

I WANT that quilt in the picture. SERIOUSLY. Interested in selling it? Pretty please?

~Amy Jo~ said...

How about "You will read an amazing post by c jane tomorrow"?

Now you're back up to 3 good fortunes.

You're welcome.

Sarah said...

You are tooooo funny!!

Carrie Stuart said...

I am with you...I hate "Yoda (non)fortunes". I want some sort of promise...but vague enough that it will come true. Good luck!

Kacey said...

No matter what you're writing about, I always marvel at the way you put words together. See? Because I couldn't even write THAT in a remotely poetic way.

michelle said...

Have you heard of that little game people play when reading their fortune cookies? You know, you add "in bed" just to make it more interesting? Sorry, that probably didn't make writing them easier did it?

ashley said...

cjane, i love so many things you write! seriously. our kids are identi-ages, and i just identify with all your posts, you are clever and smart and somedays I just want to repost your whole blog onto mine cause its exactly how I feel, but you say it so much better than I could- aka carpet lines desire, gold walls, eating your babies, baby padded bodies. its all perfection- not to mention english writer husbands? i think chup is.. ? mine is anyways. you are great, i think we would be bff's in a non internet life ;) keep writing and doing awesome stuff- cause I love it.

Crystal said...

Here is a website for fortune cookie sayings


maybe these will help? Inspiration?

Crystal said...

Since it is 1:19am and I have insomnia..have you seen this :Jane Austen's Fight Club? It's funny.

Maybe it's not really funny. Maybe I am just tired.

But then again..the ending is funny....I think.

tant-nandice style said...

Having just had a baby I would like a fortune that says I will loose the maternity left-overs overnight. Boy would that be something to look forward to... Except I've tried using that as my mantra lately and it has yet to work. And I must confess, by saying "having just had a baby" I really mean 6 months ago. Aghhh!
Candice B

Lizzy said...

Love your blog! I love have you advertised the upcoming concert in such a fun way!

Kim said...

I now seriously want to live in Provo so I can go to the concert and get a fortune.

Here's a good one "Something exciting will happen to you on Monday"

Isn't that good? My mom got that one in a fortune cookie. Mondays are pretty good for her now.

Cara said...

Cjane, your fortunes are a TON better than the one I recieved the other day, "Promote literacy. Buy a box of fortune cookies today."

Mrs.Dr.Shot said...

I think you need to keep the "pet peeve" one. It IS brilliant.

madsta said...

I figure anything is worth a try, i want my friendships resolved, like they were.
I'm a desperate woman.

Teachinfourth said...

Fortunes? I think this would be far better than mypathetic prophecy from Zambini in Goonies when I was in California on spring break… most likely, you and Chup would be far more creative.

However, I don't know if you could beat the guy on Haight and Ashbury…

He was pretty awesome.

Angela said...

My favorite fortune I ever got:

There is a nice cake waiting for you.

I completely dislike cake, but still, the thought of that was so nice! don't you agree?

Butternutsage said...

I want to be there and I want the Pet Peeve I have written two comments one to you and one to Stephanie and both have the word WANT., are both tempting me with wickedness ;)

Tana said...

"You will meet an actor and famous blogger--if you are lucky!"

I think Chups' Norman Vincent Peal one's are fine. Just add, "and you will always find happiness" to them.

Amber said...

Thanks for helping me start my day off with a good laugh.

Eden said...

who about something like...
"tomorrow would be a good day to contact a loved one" because really, isn't it always a good time to contact a loved one?
"you will be extra-productive (creative, energetic) tomorrow" - nothing like positive thinking to make it happen

hope you got them all done!

Sammi said...

I still have the last fortune I got from a cookie it read

"your success will astonish everyone"

which is rather motivational, and kept in my wallet for such purposes.

Tasha said...

I Loooooove that one. Use it. Seriously. If I got that one I would laugh for days and seriously try to find a what new pet peive it ment. Oh, please use it. Funny ones are the best. There is nothing better then getting a fortune AND a good laugh. Thanks for starting my day out good. :) Happiness to you. If I was in Provo I know I would be going to this!

Taylor K said...

I wish I could come get a fortune from you this weekend. That would be swell. I hope you have a fantastic time this weekend. I predict a long career as a seer/fortune teller for you. Maybe you could go on tv and callers could phone in for their fortunes? You could be the next Miss Cleo!

We live in a Zoo! said...

I wouldn't mind getting a new pet peeve, as long as it meant getting rid of an old one ;D

Nicole said...

how fortunate... i mean no. I dont know what to say

Lani said...

My favorite fortune I ever received is "Your dearest wish will come true within the month!" It even included the exclamation mark. It hasn't come true yet but I figure that is because it doesn't specify which month - so I am still hopefully waiting.

Misskrislynn said...

I like Chup's first one. I hope you used it :)

Nora said...

I tried to get a gig writing online horoscopes once. It was super fun writing 'em up, and I did get the job -- only to discover it was unpaid. I really should have foreseen that.

Taurus? Someone will try to take advantage of your talents, but you will refuse. You will keep your day job and acquire an ice cream habit.

kristib said...

A week before my husband took the bar he got a fortune that said "You would make a good lawyer". How awesome is that? (He passed and he does make a good lawyer!) You might just make someone's day with your fortunes. Good luck!

Rachael said...

Fab. I'll leave a comment then, because last night I dreamt that I was married to Ethan Hawke (circa Reality Bites) and he forced me to watch every single James Bond film ever made. And I really want that to come true.

(That last part may be a lie)

Allison said...

How about "You will have an issue come up in your marriage. But don't worry, you and your spouse will have the strength and love to successfully work through it."

It's realistic because there's Always issues that come up, but it's nice to have that reassurance that one can get through them.

I also love the one from the Simpson's "Stick with your wife." Hahahah

Amelia said...

My five-year-old still quotes a fortune she received more than a year ago:

"Your luck is about to change."

Linda said...

What about
ink pink you stink
oh no wait, that's for a chatterbox not a fortune cookie
as you were...

CMN said...

35 Comments. ONLY 35 comments?! That hasn't happened since... When?! I don't know. Like almost never in the last like how long. I'm sort of mind boggled. And flumboozled. (Those would both be good words to use in fortunes, by the way.)

Obviously, I can't resist the temptation to be Numero 36. WOW - I'm Nombre 36! (Also good fortune potential there.)

But, what I really wanted to say was... um, I liked the fortune about getting 'a new pet - pet peeve'. Funny. And catchy. Would make me laugh and smile and possible even giggle later too. And isn't that what a good fortune is about?

Yep, that's what I think too.

Put that one back on the list. (if it isn't too late, of course)

pollydove said...

Kay, that is hilarious ... and I bet if you had stayed up all night, being totally punchy, you could have come up with really crazy fun fortunes! (But then, would you have to be in a totally punchy overtired state to think it was hilarious?)

Miss X said...

Best fortune I ever received "You need to improve your exercise routine". And it was true. It made me smile. :)

Jalal said...

I seriously was just browsing through my new little fortune book from "lucky You", It has these little card stock fortunes...there are 56 of them...I will share a few :
1. Never let school obstruct your education
2. It's not your problem
3.The world may be your oyster but that does not mean you will get a pearl
4.It does not matter. Who is without a flaw?
5.A closed mouth gather no feet.
6. you cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom. is the tomorrow you thought about yesterday.
8.A beard does not a philosopher make.
9. do not mistake temptation with opportunity.
10. a conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
11. Never trouble trouble til trouble troubles you.
12. it is time to get over it.
13.A kiss is blowing your way.

okay more than a few but they are cute!

Rooty Tooty said...

oh my gosh. so I read this post last night. today I saw a penny on the ground and picked it up. It's been a pretty swell day, so far. YOU KNOW THE FUTURE! haha granted, it was a penny I dropped...

AFarCryFromNormal said...

Of all the months we have to be broke as a joke and this is on our anniversary too. Ahhh. We will be there in spirit! LOL I have been following you and your sister for QUITE a long time. I know you hear it a MILLION times over but YOU are AMAZING! YOU write so real! I think your family is wonderful too! Thanks for giving me pick me ups when it comes that time of day to check my blogs! :-)

Jannifer said...

C jane, I just wanted to say well done with the fortunes at the Mindy Gledhill Concert! I went and received the fortune, "Someone is about to show you a place in your heart that you never knew existed". My boyfriend proposed 5 days later. I feel it was quite fitting. :) PS If you want to take any credit, I give you permission to do so.