Wednesday, January 20, 2010

And In His Robotic Way, Mao Loves Me Too

My neighbor Emily has a rule about blogging.
It is something like, "one should never blog about blogging" and ever since I read that rule I have concurred. Sometimes I break the rule, but most of the time I intend to keep it.

Today I am going to blog about blogging.

Because you see, yesterday I had this horrible comment show up in my comments section. It was really sick and if you saw it I am sorry. If you didn't see it I am glad for you--you've kept some of the innocence you were born with. I deleted it, because no one should have to read hate. And besides, as already stated, I am not keeping stinky comments. I respect my readers, my family and myself too much.

The truth is, I get hate mail. And hate comments. It just comes with the territory (yes, even Nie herself gets hate mail, bless her heart). It is not something new, in the five years I have had this blog (5 YEARS!) I've been on the other end of someone's anger many times. I don't particularly love it, but what am I going to do? Quit?

I've tried to quit. It is just not time.

But yesterday this horrible comment shows up and I read it first thing in the morning. I thought, yikes! Because the notion that someone could hate you so badly is always shocking. Like, blood drains from your limbs shocking. I mean, so someone doesn't particularly like my flavor of narcissism, why hate me over it?

I will never know, unless we clear it up in some email correspondence (it has happened before). But I just want to write about why this particular nasty comment actually blessed my life today:

1. I gained even greater love for my readers.

2. Chup and I had a self-awareness conversation about why we sometimes feel jealousy, annoyance and/or indifference towards people we don't know personally. And then we patched somethings up in our relationship that were getting leaky.

3. I am sorry to John Mayer for saying he pulls funny faces. I really do think he is musical genius and I am just jealous.

4. Encouraged me to find ways to be a better blog administrator--Chup and I have a plan in motion.

5. Helped Chup relate to a situation at work with more clarity.

6. Gave my social working neighbor Janna a reason to teach me about our eating disorder culture and why we think "fat" is such a tremendous insult when it isn't. It is a descriptive word that has been abused.

7. Made my sister Lucy call me in defense with a really tender, tired voice, "That maaakes me sooo maad." Speech slur.

8. I am on team Conan, but I am sure if I met Leno in real life I would see he has a good heart too. Can people with lisps be all that bad?

9. I don't think anyone should talk about The Chief's mother that way. He's a cool cat with a penchant for watered-down juice in his sippy cup. I mean, come on.

10. Helped me realize that I am in a better place than I was a year ago when I received possibly the most personal, gut-hitting, hate-filled comment I've ever read. I couldn't let it go for days, weeks (and maybe even a year?) I moped around, I threatened to never write again, I let it effect my relationship with my husband and family. It dipped me in a vat of thick self-pity.

But yesterday morning, when I read this comment I was shocked, I broke down for a minute or two, and recovered. It was a fairly easy, I am blessed. I am happy. I know my Heavenly Father loves me. I mean, I really know that in the very fiber-of-my-being sort of way. We're tight.

And I guess I really wrote this post (about blogging) because I hope you know He loves you too. Here is a little reminder (in case you forgot).

You know who you are.

On dear c jane today:
Nie's paint color revealed
sort of . . .

On c jane's Guide to Provo:
It's Wednesday on Ninth East
You know what that means . . .