Monday, October 26, 2009

Feeling Life Inside



It happened there on the stairs in the den. I had gone in search of a scarf to wear in the winter closet. Chup and I were going out to the theater. Chicky--my lively, responsible niece--was there to babysit for the evening. I was slowly climbing up the stairs.

I was thinking about the carpet in the den.

It is green.

Really green.

Then: a tickle inside of me caused me to pause.

Pause. Was it a tickle, a tickle tickle?

Play. The carpet is so green and flat.

But easy to walk on . . .

Pause. Should I count this as the first movement of my pregnancy?

Play. Should I get new carpet?

Pause. I think that was a tickle.

Play. I walked up the stairs, out the door where Chup was holding the car door open for me. Just like a million-dollar-an-hour chauffeur. And I was his V.I.P.

When we arrived at the theater I went into the bathroom. I caught myself in the mirror. I looked at me.

Pause. I was thinking: I like myself tonight.

I like who I married.

I like the people I know.

I like this time of year,
I like having a trusted babysitter,
and I like being pregnant.

Through no deserving of my own, I felt my own.
Completely full.

Play. In the dark theater I sat in my seat. I sat next to the man I married. On my other side was a kind friend who sat next to the kind man she married. My brother came on the stage. I love to watch him on the stage. He has so much energy. He is so talented.

I felt another tickle.

I decided: tonight I feel blessed.

I am calling it an official tickle.

Pause. It is suddenly real.

Play.