Wednesday, March 25, 2009

In Full Disclosure


I threw up last night.

Totally reminded me of being pregnant. Just waking up to reject stomach fluids. You know, no big deal.

I am trying to trace back to the cause of such an unwelcomed middle-of-the-night ritual.

I am not pregnant.

It was a solitary happening, not a flu.

I am sure it wasn't food poisoning, because I wasn't regretting any consumption.

I think it was the new vitamins I am trying. My body doesn't love nutrients in pill form.

Or, it might be stress.

No, not stress.

Although, in college, I would have midnight purges when worrying about the next day's test.

So, okay maybe stress.

You know what? Being truthful about my state of being has always been my weakest personality trait.

It takes a lot of faith to be honest about myself. I never know what I will discover--an emotional library of problems shelved rather than sorted.

Maybe I am stressed about something.

Oh brother.

You know how much investigative work it takes to diagnose stress? The first reason is never the real reason. In college, I was stressed about my psychology exam. But it wasn't really about the psychology exam, it was about doing well so that I could get really good grades. But it wasn't really about getting good grades, it was about showing BYU that they missed out by not accepting me. See what a good student you missed out on BYU? But the real reason I wanted to go to BYU was that it was always a benchmark of how successful my life was going to be. And so on and so on and so on until I hit Freud and it was something Oedipal, a childhood rejection of some type. Which was what my psychology exam was about to begin with.

See? Too much work.

Instead I've decided to blame the vitamins.