And suddenly it is spring.
I have an out of body experience where the ghost of my past--barren and anguished--is watching me watch my baby play with a pinwheel next to an open window. He is enchanted by the spinning motion of yellow cellophane petals. A wind powers the pinwheel and takes flight in my hair. The baby is divinity.
I come back to the present.
I forget sometimes that my prayer was heard. Time passes, and I forget I wanted. Forget I yearned so much that I thought my soul would disappear inside of my body. Forget that I couldn't forget.
Today I vow to remember.
Remember enough to love him enough. To teach him correct principles. To be good. To do good. To spend my passion opening up the universe for his maturing intellect. To remember it isn't enough just to have a baby, it is much more.
Pinwheels, wind. Motion.
To remember: It didn't end with a positive pregnancy test.