Friday, May 18, 2007

Helping Page be Page

Yesterday I was busy helping Page be Page. Page is my eldest sister, mother of eight, wife to one and occasional ward temple night dinner hostess. As in the case of yesterday, she is also an occasional sufferer of a sinus infection. Da-da-da c jane to the rescue!

10:00-Pick up dinner rolls from Provo Bakery. 3 dozen wheat, 2 dozen white. Resist urge to buy and consume their "Y" donut which is bigger than my left thigh (though slightly smaller than my right thigh). Je resist!

10:30- Arrive chez Page, hugs from Emma, Seth and Meri. No hugs from Vivian because she is physically too young to perform such a feat. She is working on walking, and to this date has mastered squatting.

11:00-Dust living room while Seth and Page practice piano. I am required to give feedback like "Wow Seth! You sure make 'Go Tell Aunt Rodie' sound like a Classic!"

11:15- Scrub dinning room table. Red play dough remnants are scrapped off with my super strong thumbnail. I could win the Iraq war just using this thumbnail. I could, but I am not going to, do you think I am crazy?

11:30- Swiffer dinning room floor.

12:00- Pick up Olivia from school who forgot to bring a lunch. It is nice and easy to locate redheads on playgrounds.

12:30- Page makes me a "veggie" which is a complicated virtually undecipherable code for veggie sandwich (Yo se). I ask for extra avocado. "Okay" says the boss.

- I ask for a nap. Denied.

1:30-Take Olivia back to school. Yawn. Yawn. Blink. Think about how tired I am.

2:00- Help with salad for dinner. Emma and I safely talk Page out of adding wasabi-encrusted peas. When I had tried one earlier at Emma's tongue-in-cheek insistence, steam actually came out my ears and made my hair curly.

2:30- Time for a nap now? No, but I can watch Meri and Viv while they swim in the plastic pool off the back porch.

3:00- I fall asleep on the lawn chair.

3:30- Lucy finds Vivian crawling (and squatting) in the kitchen with a massively wet diaper. Lucy comes out to tell me that I am "not doing my job" I roll over and say "What are you going to do? Fire me?" Makes Lucy think.

4:00- Lucy sprays me with a water gun. I ask to leave. No, but in a half-an-hour I can take Olivia to her track meet.

4:15- Seven out of eight children are home at this point. I start telling jokes. Emma recites the "Knock, knock banana/orange joke" which is clinically proven to be "The Oldest One in the Book" but I play along because I am too tired to break her heart.

4:20- Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

4:30- Take Olivia to her track meet. The chickita is pretty fast and can do a mean high jump. I think about having to do a track meet and I want to die. I need a nap like a smoker needs a smoke break. I consider pulling over in the parking lot and sleeping before the ride home.

5:00- I arrive home. Ralph asks for a walk. My legs forget how to walk. I squat down and pet my dog. Suddenly I gain insight into Vivian's world.

5:30-Chup comes home and finds me incapable of human functioning. I tell him that a Perrier, some Cafe Rio and a back rub will cure my disease. He says "Okay".

9:00- I am in bed. Out like a light. DO NOT DISTURB. And all of those other sayings.

I am not going to lie here, helping Page be Page is exhausting. Maybe I should ask her on Saturday if she'd like to help me be me. I am in need of help finding a bikini at Target.

***Friday's Enjoy It links:***

My clever companion (who is the best storyteller) of yore moved from the city to the farm recently. She gives an account of what it is like to turn from wife in the suburbs to farmer in the dell. Check it out here!

It is Friday and you are want of a little recreation aren't you? Go here and play Liz's 6 Degrees of Separation from c jane! Who do you know that I know, or who do I know that you know, or do you know someone who knows someone who knows me or my brother? Get over there now!