Two Calla Lillies on Pink by Georgia O'Keefe

My Dear Friends,
I have missed you.

I gave up a month of blogging to meditate on this quote by Georgia O'Keefe:
"I feel there is something unexplored about women that only a woman can explore."
And in doing so, I gave up food for ten days. I drank distilled water, orange juice and pomegranate juice. On good days I had mineral water. But I did all of this because I wanted to think about what hasn't been explored in my soul. For some time, I've been curious about hidden truths regarding womanhood because there were pieces of own my puzzle missing.

On the day that Chup rolled over and declared that my chest was shrinking (in the process) I knew my fast was over. God gave me curves. He gave me a lot of them. And I wasn't going to give them up...certainly not when they had been the answer all along.

For some time I've had major body issues. I couldn't find a weight that suited me. Being thin, per measurements of a bmi chart, made me dizzy and faint. Being any bit over one-hundred- and-forty-pounds made me universally unhappy. (Universally is not too big of a word in that sentence by-the-way, if I could think of a bigger word, I'd insert it.)

After ten days I knew that I wanted, more than anything in the world, a big juicy Granny Smith apple prepared with salt and continuous peelings from a knife a la my father. And that is what I did, I sat on my yellow striped couch and ate it. In eating that apple I found my unexplored territory: to genuinely love food.

Food is how I experience Divinity. And now I know it. Though sometimes I suspect that I will need to fast to insure that I do not take this for granted, I will not look on food as a weak indulgence by self-destroying humans (a feeling I had felt for quite some time.)

As for my body, I have found that the discovery of loving food emancipated the negative feelings about my physicality. I love my body as much as I love food. They were related all along.

Of course, I also came to agree with Georgia O'Keefe on two accounts. There is still plenty of unexplored truths of womanhood that is/was washed away in an ever-occurring feminine apostasy. And two, I want to live in the desert.

But there is a lifetime to achieve both.

And in the mean time, I am back to blogging.

Did I mention I missed you?

c jane

P.S. Are you in the mood for a Valentines post? I wrote one for Segullah. Get your romantic little self here.

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