Tuesday, December 12, 2006

What Do I Do With A Mug Like This?

I think I've done it.
I have come to the conclusion why the holidays turn me into a big gloopy, glummy mess (picture here, post there) and this is the reason my friends:
Food.
You know I am not a happy eater. Almost every time I eat, I do so grudgingly and I think you would too if your main engine for digesting food only fired up randomly, at best. Perhaps there are times when I eat with fervor and passion, only to feel bloated and chilled for hours after. But listen to me, AND THIS IS IMPORTANT, it is all okay. It works out. Especially because there are intestinal cleanses.
Have you tried an I.C. lately?
I have christened them "sludge pills" because that is exactly what comes out of your body. And after a few episodes you are five pounds lighter and thinking about Transcendentalism in a way that never emerged from Emerson. Warning! The pills do have shockingly nasty after-taste, and perhaps they require you to be near a commode at all times for ten days, but small price I declare. Perfect activity for the new year! Start 2007 off with a clean colon!
And just in case you decide to take my word and apply it to your life, you can buy intestinal cleanses at any Natural Foods stores like Good Earth or Aunt Tiddles All Natural Country and Mercantile.
An I.C. is going to feel so good in a couple weeks judging by last weekend alone. Cafe Rio invited us for dinner on Friday and after my salmon tacos I craved a big, luscious Belgian waffle which I wanted to make at home but Chup insisted on a purchase, so we went to Village Inn. That was two restaurants (can you call VI a restaurant? It's more like an experience) in two hours.
On Saturday we had sushi with friends. I add the "with friends" part because whenever I eat "with friends" I always, always, always eat too much. And this was the deep-fried, cream cheese, crab New Age sushi which is when the best of Japan beds the worst of America and creates edible orgasms.
After that I went to Jesse and Lindsay's White Elephant party where I did a magic trick and made the vegetable tray disappear while sampling the truffles. I stunned the whole party.
More still because on Sunday my Dad made his usual Sunday feast and I spent some quality time inhaling his mashed potatoes (the best in the world) and cucumbers in vinegar.
Yesterday we had Bajio burritos and made the short walk to the Chocolate Factory where I tried a caramelized marshmallow which this person cannot recommend to the general public.
But I do recommend a hearty intestinal cleanse, no doubt.
And, by-the-way I did win this Ute mug at the White Elephant party. You may ask why I even wanted it--being a Cougar fan--and the answer is, well, I don't know. Lindsay's mom Olivia got it first, then I took it from her, then she took it from me, then I started crying and before I left she gave it back to me and I think she might have done that because her friends are here in this blogging sphere and she was undoubtedly hoping that I might paint her a hero on a post somewhere down the line. Well, today is Olivia's Big Hero Day!

(It's only too bad that she had to share it with sludge pills and sushi.)

For Future Reference: What is the best White Elephant gift you've given or gotten?