Friday, December 22, 2006

The Secret of Life According to c jane

Everyday it seems someone will say something--a phrase, or word--and suddenly I am sure that it is revealed to me as the "secret of life" where with I devote my life to its presented meaning.
Like a couple of days ago, I was just sitting in the car listening to two guys on the radio talk about Christmas expectations, and suddenly the "secret of life" was revealed to me and I knew that I needed to comprehend and communicate all expectations. So I told Chup that I didn't expect anything for Christmas (except the gifts that I bought--and wrapped myself--and put under the tree, but that is obvious, Simon and/or Simone.) And then I thought about expectations of life, my life, his life and Simon and/or Simone's life and decided to throw it all away in my emotional garbage can.
The "secret of life" is having NO expectations.
And so I jot the "secret of life" down in my "secret of life" journal (I am so serious) which I will publish someday and collect miiilions (or maybe just a refrigerator magnet company with my "secrets" and photoshopped horizons) which I will use to buy babies on the black market.
But the next day I will undoubtedly hear something else which will cause a single line through the previous day's "secret of life" and a scribble underneath saying "only partially true."
Today as we were driving home from a most excellent overnight trip to the City of Sin (contrary to popular belief, I did NOT come up with that clever nickname) where my beloved Cougars belittled the Ducks at Sam Boyd stadium (try the pretzels) my father was making us listen to Dr. Laura. And I did just type "making us listen" because I do believe in "agents unto yourselves" --a former "secret of life", in fact--but in this case, there was no agency in the car, only Family Talk Values. And anyway, Dr. Laura said "consistently ask yourself if you are making choices to be a happy, healthy human being" afterwhich she hung up on some poor soul who left her alcoholic husband after he had smooched the school principal. Dr. Laura is a nastily brutal woman (perhaps a Sadist?), but who knew? She came up with the "secret of life" for December 22, 2006. I am serious, I have it written down. Written down Simon! (and/or Simone).
And so I spell out the moral (like my editor taught me to do here): As my life changes so will my "secret of life". Right now I wonder only one thing, should I be worried that they are changing daily?

And now I am out.

I've got some eggnog to snort.