Dear Wal-Mart,
Last night I was asleep in my bed. Around 3:30 my husband who is internetly known as Chup, climbed into his side of the bed. These actions aroused my consciousness and I awoke. Chup apologized and I went back to sleep. Moments later I heard a voice in my year. It was Chup apologizing again but this time adding "I wrapped all of your Christmas presents tonight and they are all under the tree!" His excitement wrapped it's energy around my being as for the first time, since our acquaintance, I could feel his genuine hope that his year, this year of the dog, was going to be the year where he pulled off a real Christmas surprise for his lover.

Imagine that Wal-Mart!

When the daylight came in to our bedroom this morning, Chup was anxious for me to see that not only had he wrapped presents weeks before (rather than seconds before) Christmas morning, but that he put tape in all the right places. He kept asking me if I had looked under the tree to see his objects d'art (if you will Wal-Mart). Finally, when a load was circulating in the washer, I went to see under the tree several presents with my name on them.

My name

He even scribbled
little Christmas wishes on homemade notes! And so I exclaimed and praised Chup so loudly, that when came into the room, he donned a smile as big as your toilet paper aisle. To prove my pride in his work, I picked up a particular present, which Chup couldn't wait to tell me, that underneath it's red wrapping I would find the best present he has ever given me.

Did you hear that?


I turned it this way and that, allowing curiosity to feel it's disclosed contents. And as I did so, the sunlight filtered in the room, through the Christmas tree, and on to my treasured, undiscovered gift. And that Wal-Mart, is when I could see-through your CHINTZY, STINKYWAXED, QUALITYCRAP wrapping paper and my gift was revealed unto me. I could see the whole thing. Top to bottom, front to back and side to side.

And Chup!

His disappointment was monumental. He stomped off and hid himself! The burden of embarrassment and discouragement was too heavy for his awareness. When I finally found him, beneath layers of thick blankets, shivering, my desperate loving arms could not even console him.

And so Wal-Mart, I curse you.
I curse the core of you.
From your meat selection to your electronics department.
All of it.

A most UNhappy holidays to you,
c jane

Popular Posts