Thursday, August 3, 2006

Listen Blogger, I Get So Mad When You Won't Upload My Pictures, I Have A Public To Please!

So because of the psychological toll The Storm took on my soul I have resorted to all sorts of dangerous behavior. I need to see a psychiatrist or a gynecologist or someone.

Because of The Storm I had a relapse in my celebrity-gossip sobriety. They don't have any kind of Storm inclusions in the 12 step program. And what is this? Lance from N*SYNC is gay? That really hurts. Lance is gay and Mel is a drunk and an anti-Semite. And Marie Osmond was hospitalized (not, not, NOT another suicide attempt they are telling me.)

If the celebrities can't even pull it together how am I supposed to (especially after The Storm?) This is really unencouraging (don't judge my wordchoice Chup, I'm hurting inside.)

My lovely-slovely sister Lindsay strongly suggested that I watch So You Think You Can Dance. Linds would rock-a-lotta if she were on that show, but instead she is having her third child.

(Excuse me. Someone just sent me a "nudge" via MSN messenger and if ONE thing gets me annoyed around here it's getting "nudged" while I am trying to write about my latest adventures in t.v. land.)

Anyway, go Benji! He definitely has Mormon teeth. I wonder if he danced to convert people when he was on his mission. Seeing that boy dance reaffirms my belief that there is a heaven above! Hizhallelujah!

Oh but back to my dangerous behavior. I ate a plum off my neighbor's lawn that had fallen off the tree due to The Storm. I didn't wash it first, nor did I polish it on my shirt. I could get lyme disease.
Or even worse, rhyme disease:

Oh won't you excuse me please?
I just got a case of rhyme disease.
I can't stop, no use in tryin'
Better just wait 'til I get to Zion.
Until then, I''ll kill some times,
Sitting here, busting out rhymes.

In other dangerous behavior news, I (can't believe that Lance is gay) watched a Roy Orbison concert and thought it funny how Bruce Springsteen looks constipated during jam sessions, but epecially the guitar solo on the song Pretty Woman. Don't get me wrong I like The Boss, he made me forget The Storm (for a minute or two.)

Come to think of it, do you think Roy wrote that song for me rather than Julia Roberts?

I need to see someone quick. Quick-like.