Monday, May 22, 2006

This Photo Was Taken Years Ago. I Am Still Blonde. Chupa Still Has A Beard That Frightens Small Children. And Anxious Adults.

It was Friday evening. A storm was brewing in the West. Having recently viewed that cinematic blockbuster Twister on TBS not so many days ago, I thought we should go storm chasin' but Chupa Cabra had a better idea.
The Da Vinci Code.
The movie.
Thanksgiving Point.
In the dark theater, waiting for the movie to start, I watched people scramble for seats. We had a nice third row, on the end, viewing vantage point. Chupa has to be on the end because his legs measure 5'3" and they retract and tract(?) like a wallet with pictures. His legs spill out into the aisle. Wherever we are, the seat in front is always going to be too close. In other news, my legs are about 2" and I can put a car seat all the way forward and still stow my luggage between me and the glove compartment. And now I am just braggin'.

Chupa got up for something and didn't come back. People were offering money for his seat. For one lady it was her first born. Honestly, I considered it, but what would I do with someone else's first born? I mean really.
I waited.
I waited.
Nope. It's saved.
No I don't want your Jumbo popcorn for this seat.
What is wrong with you people?
Just because you are rich and you live in TransAmerica Mountain doesn't mean you can just throw money at me and the seat meant for my spouse! I'm not that kind of a girl.

Then I heard.
"There is the guy in Napoleon Dynamite!"
Other person,
"Not Napoleon Dynamite."
"How do we know him then?"
"He's in all those church movies."
And I look down to the front of the theater and Chupa is chatting it up with our friend Michael B, who was in The Singles Ward, The R.M. and the Academy Award Winning film The Hometeachers.

Good for B I thought to myself. (Chup just calls him "B" I am not sure if you can too, so just live vicarious for now...) though I am no avid fan of those films, I am sure every where he goes he's recognized. It's good for the career I suppose.

Chup gets recognized here and there. Mostly in Walmarts.

Attention Walmart Customers! There is a sale on all Chupa Cabra films today! Handcart is 75% off!

B came up to give me a hearty hug and talk about the state of Mormon Marriages until the movie was half way over. Is Teabing good or evil? I didn't see that part.
Oh but I read the book.
So I think I remember.
Teabing his a horrible name and I am sorry if it is yours.
(Like B Teabing.)

In case you haven't seen the movie...
Yes the dialogue in the movie is the same overly-dramatic contrived dither as the book. But the rest of the movie was fun. And nice to look at. Amelie should only speak French for the rest of her life. When Amelie speaks French men go wild, and women remember what it's like to be jealous.
Except me because I speak French like that.
Oui. Je parle comme Amelie. Tu a une probleme avec ca?
Tu est une probleme!

After the movie Chupa drove me to Walmart to get bribery food for his Deacons.
(It works.)
And now you know where this story is goin'...

I watched this floppy-haired, teensomething kid follow Chup around the store for about 2 minutes. Finally, while Chup was on his cell talking to his father, saying phrases like,
"Sure as shootin' "
This kids says...
"Um. Do you star in Mormon movies?"
Chup says,
"Hold on Dad...(To the kid) Yes I've been in some."
The kid shoves a pen and paper in his hand.
"Autograph?" The kid swallows.
Chup obliges, signing and printing his name, and sends the kid on his way.

So as not to let this little exchange go to his head, I said to Chupa, quite immediately after the signing,
"Let's go see if we can locate your film Rags to Riches in those DVD bins at the front of the store. I hear they are practically giving it away."

Because Rags to Riches...
you don't want to know.