Thursday, May 25, 2006

Do You Speak Utahan in Costco?

True story.

Chup and I go to Costco occasionally to stalk up on my diet.

cjane's diet:
Lemons
Coke
Pita Chips
Hummus

I've read every book on nutrition. Really. Believe me. And these are the 4 things that I am pretty sure don't cause abdominal cramping 15 minutes after I eat them. Actually, I could add Fritos that list, but then you'd really be concerned.

After buying my diet we waited in that line for the check point to leave the store. As usual, the lady pretended to study our receipt, glance at our cart, and back to the receipt, examine our cart. When she's sure we aren't stealing the 112 pounds of pita chips, she takes a Sharpie and scribbles all across the paper. (On good days, she'll draw a picture like a smiley face or a swastika and send us on our way.)

Examining the lemons in our cart this time, she stopped and shrieked,

Pointing to a citrus so big it looked like it belonged in a circus.
Costco Lady with Sharpie: Holy Grunt! That is one honkin' lemon!

All pride-like, as if I had given birth to it.
Me: Oh sure. Isn't she gargeous?

Seconds later. Walking to our car.
Chupa: Should I be more worried that you are now personifying lemons, or saying the word gargeous in casual conversation?

Distracted. Leaning over cart, carassing baby lemon as we walk though the parking lot.
Me: I don't know Chup! You decide! Let me know what you come up with!

Me: You know what I think?

Chupa: What?

Me: I think she has your peaceful dispostion and my clear skin. On second thought...do you think she looks a little yellow? Jaundice? Maybe?

Loading 15 bags of pita chips into the trunk.
Chup: That is it. We are changing your diet.