Tuesday, November 22, 2005

An American in American London

London you used to be a long lost friend. Now you are McDonalds at midnight. Burger King in Leicester square. You are Gap, front and center, staring at Eros across the street in Picadilly Circus. TGIFridays when you need a bite to eat. London, you are the University Mall.
I took Liv to see Harrods and found Nordstroms. Harry Potter was even the same movie as the one up the street from my house, Provo Towne Centre Shoppe. Before we saw the show Liv was worried that the London Goblet of Fire would be in a different language ("You know that language that everyone speaks around here? Will the movie be in that language?") Nope. Same language as The States. No subtitles to read. Boring.
Roaming the tube stations Dear London, reminds me of hanging out in New York City last February. Kanye West posters, Marriah Carey photos, Jen Garner on Alias advertisements. What happened to you? You were the original!
And what is this? Ice in a my drinks? London, London, give me Fanta with no ice PLEASE! Make me beg for the freezing square pieces of American Traveler's Heaven. Don't just mix it in there, like you have been doing it throughout your many centuries. Hire more smokers too, I can't have London without the smell of cigarettes.
I don't care!
Tell them that it is healthy. Tell them that you made a mistake! Our FDA does it all the time!
And please, if you can't do anything at all, please do this. Bring back Hob Nobs. Mc Viddies, though tasting the same don't have the sentimental value that I crave. I need to remember why the last time I was here I gained 15 pounds. London, make me fat again!
I am in Brussels for a couple days (no Americana here, London. Note: ample smoking) I will be back within the week. See what you can do for me alright? Maybe even change the name of all those corner Starbucks to Simon's Perk House Shoppe & Supplies. Same Mochachino, new/old British name.