My friend and trainer Sara Madsen just left my house. She has been training me for three weeks and I can say unequivocally (I definitely didn't not spell that word without help from spellcheck) I feel stronger. I feel buffer. When I have to remove sleeping children from my bed in the middle of the night I do it with muscled confidence and balance control. This is a far cry from woozy attempts that proceeded my starting a solid work out regimen.
But this week I hit a seemingly insurmountable roadblock in which I could not will my body to move or, eat anything that contained vitamins, minerals or general health. My body threw an internal protest--picketing my head with colorful signs that read: HELL NO WE WON'T GO.
This depressed me. I was getting my cardio and my strength training and all my salads in. I was regularly checking in with my dietitian and checking off all the boxes on my legs, chest, abs and arms sets. I was even doing yoga with my kids in the mornings.
But Wednesday my body was done. Thanks for trying. This actually isn't for us. It was good while it lasted.
"I was doing so well," I bemoaned to Sara.
"How well?" She asked me, mid-leg lift. "Like too well?"
Too well? Too well? Is there such a thing?
"Well, I am sore all the time...and I'm exhausted a lot. And I hate eating salads now. I can't even look at them."
"Yeah. It sounds to me like maybe you're doing too much."
Christopher was behind us on the couch doing squats. He was looking at me with that look that says, "Just tell her the truth."
"Ok, well the truth is, I don't speak moderation."
"Oh yeah?" Sara said to me in a voice that intimated surprise.
"Yeah, I either do it all or I do nothing."
"She's binary." Christopher said.
"It's not like I want to be that way, except it does have it's perks. When I am on, I am really on. When I am off, I am really off. And I can enjoy both at times. But some times it's really aggravating."
The great quest of my life is finding the treasure chest containing moderation. I am doing it without a map. I have a break through now and then. But mostly I say to myself, "This is who you are. It's not a defect. I can be successful with this personality trait."
But the thing Sara taught me this morning is that I can decide what is all the way. I decide what on looks like and what off looks like.
"Tell yourself success is being active every day. Taking a walk or doing stretches. Tell yourself that the healthiest life-long diet is eating things you like to eat and avoiding things that make you feel terrible."
Such a breakthrough for me.
After she left I lied down on the ground and contemplated what I learned today. And then I decided if I could decide what going all the way looked like, I could also decide what doing nothing looked like. I imagined myself in my spa, looking at the stars charming us from overhead and I realized I knew exactly what off looks like.
It's very nice.
This post is sponsored by Bullfrog Spas. I love you BS. Unfortunate initials, but very fortunate company with amazing spas. I couldn't get through my life without you. This is not hyperbole.