Checking In

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It's January. 3/4 of my kids are sick. I walked Ever to school in nothing but Ck's sweatshirt (it goes to my knees) and a pair of sneakers. I couldn't tell if I was more frozen by cold or by shame. It was one of those things where I said I'll just walk you to the sidewalk and then it was the corner and then I was walking her to the cross walk where all the school traffic accumulates and there I was: no pants. No coat. Sneakers. And when I said good bye she cried even louder and so then I was the bad mom with no pants and tons of a shame and a load of guilt to carry my chilled legs home.

Yesterday my best friend told me she's moving to Central America for two years. It's not ok. I don't usually miss people very often, but this is not good. She's been my everything for the past 8 years of my life and now what am I suppose to do without her? I mean, by all means, I champion her going. I totally think she should go. But I am sad for me and my family. This is true love.

We spent a weekend in red-tinted Kanab, Utah last week. It was amazing. My true obsession with Southern Utah is strong. I came back with a huge list of things I want to explore this year. Thanks to Erin for getting me a new map book for Christmas. Now I have my kids pouring over maps. We'll be in the car with each of us holding a map as our tires transverse the miles to our next adventure.  It sounds romantic sure, but it's a load of work, it can eat up resources (like money) and the kids aren't always cheerfully game. But it's a battle I choose. When we're eating breakfast and someone starts to talk about the glowing minerals we saw in the mammoth cave in Idaho, I think to myself: WORTH IT.

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Horseshoe Bend outside of Page Arizona--one of our day trips last weekend

Also worth it: seeing Bryce Canyon under heavy snow on a bright, blue-sky day in January. I cried at the beauty. Sat there on a log meant for a tourist like me and sobbed at the sight. I don't know. We walked a long the rim one by one stepping in each other's snowy footsteps and it was heaven. I experienced heaven in that moment.

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After walking in the snow on the rim we were all hot, sweaty and needing a break at Sunset Point

I like my job. I feel really lucky to do what I do with the people I work with in the space we do it in. It's close to my home and downtown and I get to have pho once a week and oh my heavens pho is a gift to the world (thanks Vietnam and France!)

My baby Iris Eve is also a gift.  She's pretty dang cute. She reminds me of the Cabbage Patch doll we used to have--big curly yellow hair and blue eyes. She's currently courting all the halloween videos on the kids youtube channel. This has been going on for a month now, ever since her intense love affair with Peppa ended after seeing every episode twenty times I am sure. Please don't judge me about screen time. I don't judge you.

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We call ourselves the blue-eyes club

Also, Iris likes "moothies" in the Blendtech but boy, she HATES the sound it makes when it pummels up all her favorite frozen fruits.

I could keep going but I didn't set out to write a Christmas card here, you know?

Things are good. Not perfect. Sometimes sad. But like Christopher and I always say to each other as we close out our day, "We're doing ok."

And it's enough.

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