Thursday, May 24, 2012

Anson's Birth Story: Part Four

This week is Anson "The Chief's" fourth birthday and I've always wanted to write a more vivid account of his birth story. At the time I was too scared to explain the entire story--no more! Here it is in four parts:

We didn't do anything but pick up our bodies, put them in the car and drive to the hospital. I didn't take a bag, a blanket for my baby, a camera, supplies, nothing.

We just picked up and left.

My mom and Page drove ahead of us. When we arrived Page had thoughtfully debriefed the nurses on my situation. I was given a large delivery room and a white hospital gown. It was then I broke down.

I didn't want to be in the hospital. I wanted to be at home. But here I was with my mom and my sister and my husband and nurses who were going to take care of me and I was going to have a baby. I allowed myself to find peace in this situation. I decided to take the best of what a hospital could offer:

I asked for an epidural.

After I was settled in, Chup started to sober up. He realized he needed his camera and offered to go home and get it. It was estimated that the pitocin would probably help me progress, but I wouldn't be ready for a couple hours. He left while my mom and sister stayed with me.

I gave my information, insurance and health background to our nurse who tick-tacked at the computer next to my head. I asked which doctor was on call that day. I felt uncomfortable telling her it was the very doctor who drove me away from a medically-assisted pregnancy. I was insecure already about being the wacko patient.

"You are lucky," she said, "this doctor is one of our best."

When the anesthesiologist came into give me the epidural, with a needle the length of a yard stick (it seemed) I started shaking uncontrollably. My mom had left the room (the beeping of monitors was making her crazy) and so Page got in bed with me and held me.

"It's ok," she said, "this is part of having a baby."

I felt so lonely. I wasn't prepared to feel loneliness in labor. I shook and cried.

"You need to prepare yourself for going home," Page said to me again, "it might be hard to see your hopes there. I don't want you to look around at the homebirth supplies and think you failed."

I nodded.

Then suddenly my nurse came flying into the room with an oxygen mask.

"You need to put this on RIGHT NOW," she said as the mask filled my face. A monitor was beeping rapidly in my ears and I could feel my heart trying to keep up with the pace. The nurse watched the monitor with wide, alert eyes.

"Are we ok?" I mumbled through my mask.

But she didn't answer until the beeping dropped to slower intervals.

"Yep, ok," she said leaving the room.

Then I could feel my legs disappear--a tingling sensation that started from my thighs and went down to my toes. The epidural was working. In little time I wondered if I had two legs or eight.

"I feel like an octopus," I told Page.

My dad came to visit me, "You can do it Court!"

Chup called to say he was at Target buying batteries for his camera. This made the nurse really snippy.

"He should be here with you," she said. Then she checked me--my body completely numb to her prodding. I hadn't seen the doctor yet, I was told he was with another patient in another hospital fifteen minutes away.

"I need to tell you something," I said to the nurse, now my primary care giver, "the reason I stopped going to the clinic was because of this doctor. He wasn't kind or compassionate and I hated how he talked about my weight."

"Oh listen," she reassured me, "you'll love him."

But I wasn't convinced.

"Call your husband," she said, "you are ready to have this baby."

Then my room was a flurry of activity. Nurses in and out and doors opening and shutting and Page and Mom were talking nervously and at some point the doctor arrived, waltzing into the room and says to me, hand on my belly.

"Ooh! This one is going to be a BIG ONE!" Then, to my nurse he said, "What do you say? Eight, nine pounds at least!"

He didn't remember me in the slightest.

Enter: Chup with camera, looking white and overwhelmed.

"Ok Courtney," said the doctor, hidden behind a mask, sitting on a stool at the bottom of my hospital bed. My legs were strapped into stirrups, the legs I didn't know I still had. "Push like you are having a bowel movement."

Then, the oxygen mask again, on my face. I couldn't feel the lower half of my body so I couldn't really decipher if I were pushing or not, so I just made a face like I was pushing.

I pushed once and everyone cheered.

I looked at Chup, he was holding my hand but a million miles away.

I pushed again. More cheering.

"One more," said the doctor.

I pushed again and out came my baby boy. The doctor caught him and held him up to show me. I reached out for my baby, wanting to touch his body and give myself to him immediately but instead the doctor gave my baby to a technician, one I had never seen before in my life, who took him across the room to a table.

I couldn't see him.

Page and my mom immediately resisted,

"When does she get to hold her baby?" they asked.

Chup had followed, like in a trance, with the camera. I was in a state of pure perplexity. Time moved really slowly for a second, the oxygen mask was taken off my face and the doctor was talking and sewing but I had no idea about any of it.

Finally, after an eternity, they gave me my boy. He was wrapped from head to toe and I couldn't see his body. I just wanted to put his skin on my skin. I wanted to see the limbs we grew, the chest, his beating chest. I wanted to curl his toes and put his hands in my hands. But here he was, like a mummy and I couldn't get to him.

(If I spoil this baby for the rest of his life, it's because of that moment right there. I am so sorry for that moment. So very, very sorry.)

The nurse rattled off numbers in my ears but I didn't pay any attention until it came to his weight.

"Just barely seven pounds," she said.

"You were way off," I said to the doctor.

After everything was cleaned up, the medical team left and Page and my mom went home I sat in bed with my baby--his skin was powdery white and his tongue protruded just the slightest--and my husband. All three of us were in shock.

After the barrage of family, flowers, presents, food, and celebration in our large delivery room we found some time to name our son. The only name we could ever agree on was Anson. And I wanted to add Oslo, after his Norwegian heritage, but Chup stood firmly against it.

"Well, we could do Idaho," I suggested never dreaming Chup would agree. Though he was born in Utah, our baby had a rich heritage of Idahoans on his father's side.

"I like it," Chup said, scribbling it down on the yellow sheet meant for birth records.

And on a very rainy Memorial Day we took our Anson Idaho Kendrick home to our house where I didn't feel sad at all. In fact, I wondered how soon until I could do it all again.


Heather Ales said...

How I love that you're writing out these memories for us. Really. I love it. Thank you so much!

Alyson said...

I experienced that same feeling, that same thing when they took my baby away and wrapped him up and didn't hand him to me. Never again, I said, never again in a hospital. That baby is mine and I'm never going to do this again.

And I didn't. From there we did peaceful homebirths for the next babies. Even many babies later, when my last baby was born in a hospital, it was on my terms and all was quite perfect.

And I still feel guilt about the baby they took away and wrapped up, too.

Elizabeth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Carolyn F said...

Great story. My first birth didn't go like I wanted it to. The second one, even though it was also a C-section, was sooo much better. Your post made me smile. I cherish the picture of getting to hold my 2nd son in the delivery room as it was 3 days before I held my 1st.

mandbrid said...

What a wonderful story - brought me to tears.

You know the part I hate is when they want to take your baby away for bathing and then again for a hearing test...It makes me so anxious. I don't even sleep the first night with my babies because I can't stop holding them.

I love that you left wanting to have another baby...I've always felt that way.

Seth and Natalie said...

Since I am from Idaho, I love that that is your baby's name. How beautiful! And what a frustrating hospital experience, I feel for all 3 of you.

B said...

I am about to have my first baby and I feel strongly that each woman should choose the path that is best for her - whether it's homebirth, hospital birth, unmedicated, or medicated. I really could care less. I believe medicine can be a blessing and I believe birth is natural.

As I make this decision for me in a few months, I must say that I get really bothered by the very strong opinions that generally come from women who choose the at-home or unmedicated route. I don't necessarily think these women (including CJane) are doing this intentionally, but by telling their stories of glory at home and hell in the hospital, they share a very un-yielding opinion that their choice (homebirth) is superior to all others. That those who choose to do it the other way are, somehow, less of a woman and they've just ruined their babies for life.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I don't fault anyone for that. I just get tired of some opinions being so slanted to come across as "my choice" is by far the "superior choice." And in my experience, I see that kind of rhetoric coming much more from those who choose homebirths/unmedicated births than those who go the medicated/hospital route.

Perhaps I'm saturated with these stories and a bit overly sensitive because of my 7.5 month-pregnant body, but I'm growing tired of it.

Also, I endured 4 years of infertility and am only pregnant after 3 IVFs and many more failed treatments. When I "conceived" this baby - there were 7 people in the room helping me to do so. I wish I could have done it the "natural" way, but I am not so lucky. If I were to fault all medical intervention, then I would never have biological children of my own. I consider science and medicine to be a huge blessing and I hate the stigma it gets when we talk about birth.

Thanks for letting me vent. And know, I still enjoyed your account - it is your own to tell.

meg said...

I cried when I read this. So very similiar to my first experience.

Delirious said...

Okay, this may be really bad to say publicly, but I had Stephanie's OB doctor for my first three births, and I didn't like his bed side manner. He talked condescendingly to me, and didn't seem to really care about me as a person. But you know what? He was an EXCELLENT doctor! That man has skills! So although I didn't like how he talked to me with the first baby, I went back to him for the next two because he really is an excellent doctor.

Lindsey said...

I wish I had a Page.

tharker said...

Happy Birthday to your cute boy!

I know exactly what you mean, I want that baby in my arms and skin to skin immediately after birth and for as long as possible. Who says they have to be weighed and wrapped and poked within moments of birth?

3 of my 4 were placed right on my chest and I was able to hold them for a few minutes before they whisked them away. 1 of my children was not placed in my arms for 4 days as he was recovering from surgery. In 4-ish weeks, I will deliver my 5th and I cannot wait to hold him/her in my arms for as long as I want!

Thank you for sharing Anson's birth story, it was beautifully written.

Ashley said...

I loved the end. How you were still so happy even though the process wasn't exactly what you had envisioned. Isn't that life a lot of the time?

Lisa @ Over the Big Moon said...

I have had my babies in 3 different hospitals - my first I suspect in the same hospital Anson was born in. They also wrapped my firstborn before I held him. I didn't know any different.

The second and third hospitals I delivered in both encouraged me to do skin on skin time and gave me my baby right from delivery. They simply covered my baby with a blanket while on my chest. In fact my third wasn't cleaned a bit before he was put on my bare chest and they did a mini bath once he was safe against my skin. He nursed for over an hour before anyone else touched him. After Dad got some good time with him they gave him his bath and wrapped him all up. It was probably 4 hours or more after he was born.

Not all hospitals are so uninformed and insensitive. I have complicated pregnancies and am glad there are hospitals out there that are sensitive to women's wishes.

I applaud you for your birthing choices. Ive loved hearing about all of your children's births!

Aiketa said...

I am a Medicine Student, and I did OB subject last semester. So my first ever birth that I attended was of a woman with HIV infection.
She was there pushing when she was told to do so, her husband was at a corner of the room (not even giving her his hand) and when finally the baby was born, they showed her the baby but didn't hand him to her, and the nurse started doing some procedures. After a little while, the mother asked when she would get to hold her baby.
I felt absolutely bad for her. No husband giving her his hand and no baby on her arms... but I knew they were performing things that need to be done as quickly as possible in order to prevent the infection of the baby with HIV.
Before leaving the room, the mother asked for a hug from each and every one of the medical team, including me (the Medical student who didn't do much).

The second delivery that I attended that same day, was of a woman without any important health issue. Her husband was giving her his hand and encouraging her to keep pushing (he was extremely enthusiastic).
When the baby girl was almost all out, the doctor asked the mother to lean forward so she would be able to took the baby with her own hands. And she did and could hold her baby girl right the moment she was born.

These two deliveries that I experienced couldn't be more different one from another. From that, what i want to say, is that nowadays hospitals are trying to do their best on interfering with the process the less possible. There are still options to give birth at the hospital and get to hold you baby.

Or at least, this is how it works in my hospital which is in Barcelona (Spain). They are even one of the first hospital to offer the opportunity to leave the hospital only 12h after delivery if everything is OK and then a nurse comes to your house to check on you and the baby. I think this is a really good idea!

BTW, C. Jane, thanks for sharing with us Anson's birth story. And "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANSON!!!"

Erin L said...

I love birth stories. Yours are very moving and powerful. I think the most important thing is that we get a baby in the end. I was totally happy with my births (all three in a hospital with wonderful doctors and nurses, 2 medicated, 1 natural, all by choice). Mine were moving and powerful, too.

Janie said...

Loved your story, I too felt that longing of staring across a room to see my baby being handled by another woman - my husband having to chose between being by me or our child. Except I bought the hospital ride FOUR TIMES - because of fear. But then I finally birthed at home and the peaceful birth was so amazing, My midwife never even held him, I pulled him up to me and he stayed there until hours later when he got weighed. He got his first bath from me when I was ready. As far as others being miffed by YOUR birth stories. Oh well. The truth is of human nature we make the choices we do because we do think they are superior. If not why would we choose them? Everyone one has a right to their story and their opinion of what is better, no need to get mad about others.

Now I do have to say I was so devastated to read that you had Anson circumcised in the original story and now to know you researched unassisted birth, surely you must have also researched the vast reasons to preserve our children's genital integrity.

THAT is the thing I regret about my first son's birth and I don't think I'll ever get over it because I didn't have accurate information at the time.

Mary said...

I love birth stories.

I am glad you were able to have such lovely births with your girls. I had a home birth a year ago, and Ever's birth story was what started me considering it. (and my home birth was amazing, spiritual, empowering, fantastic, seriously so so so good, so thank you for that.)

I'm also glad you have a Page in your life. She sounds really special.

I had a doctor that I really disliked deliver my son, he told me the baby was too big, (He was 9+ pounds, but I only had to push twice), I would never deliver him vaginally, we might as well just skip the induction and schedule a c-section, gave me an episiotomy after I asked him not to, blah blah blah... It was a crappy experience. Yes, the important thing was that I had my beautiful boy, but I felt so demeaned, belittled and disregarded in the process. 10 years later, it still makes me so angry.

After that birth, I switched to midwives.

Kamie said...

Thanks for sharing Anson's birth story. I am sorry that your hospital experience wasn't what you wanted. I have had two births in the hospital and each was an amazing experience. I also dealt with bad nurses and a rude on call doctor (he wanted to break my water before the anesthesiologist could give me an epidural...I simply told him "Nope!"). But for the most part I think I have had good experiences because I have an excellent doctor who cares about me (he even placed heated rags on me for my first baby to prevent tearing) and I also look out for myself. If a nurse or doctor is doing something I don't like I tell the no. Both of my boys were placed on my chest as soon as they were born and neither was bathed for several hours (this was all in Salt Lake City). I am expecting my third baby in a few months and can't wait until I am able to enjoy his birth too!

Heather said...

Oh Cjane, you know you I have to chime in. Again, I was not even present and awake for any of my births. When you have 4 -crash emergency c-sections and then your baby is flown 2 hours away to a better hospital and you are left baby less , and with a breast pump,to attempt a difficult recovery all this fluff about the "how" goes out the door. It just does. To say that you will spoil Anson for the rest of his life because you couldn't hold him right away, is well alittle on the crazy side. I didn't hold my children for days, days. I didn't nurse them right away, I didn't hold them, and they are just fine. Too much stock is held in the "how." Just be happy they are here and do your best right now. Don't hold yourself guilty for something that happened 2 mins after your child was born.
Cut your self some slack. Embrace the whole event and let it be beautiful. All of it.

Mine, even with me asleep, my husband pacing the floor outside, and then tubes and airplanes, make my birth stories beautiful too. I agree with B. My stories are just as amazing as the home birth story but I don't get that feeeling from the home birth mother. I get the "oh I am so sorry you couldn't be as cool and amazing as me. I did mine at home." But I guess the home birth gets from me, "you are crazy" feeling so the problem goes both ways.

Sam and Kat said...

I think it really depends on the hospital you are at and the doctor you have. I've heard many stories similar to your that make hospitals and doctors seem like such a negative thing. I think it's totally your decision to have a home birth but it doesn't mean it is universally the better choice. I had a similar experience with my first doctor where I didn't feel connected to him so i switched doctors (in fact, i moved states completely but that is a different story). Anyways, my point is, if you don't like your doctor, you don't have to stay with them. It's all about finding what works for you. If that means doing a home birth, that's great. Just don't make the entire idea of doctors/hospitals out to be the enemy for everyone. I LOVED my second doctor and in fact, I had a completely different experience than you did. I felt like the nurse was my best friend and my doctor was on my side for everything. She notified me about every little detail that was going on and even made sure i was ok with the episiotomy (sp?) etc.. Before the birth day, she even asked how I wanted my day to go and what my expectations were. They also let me hold the baby before cleaning her off. I know things didn't go the way you originally planned but I think the more important thing is that you have a healthy baby boy and he was able to get here safely and healthily (which may not have been the case if you did things at home, on your own. I feel like the baby being here in the world with you is far more important than how they get here.

Cassie said...

I was at my heaviest weight ever when we decided to have an unplanned c-section because my daughter showed no signs of leaving the womb. As an unfamiliar male doctor pulled my daughter from my belly he said, "this kid's got some thunder thighs" Jackass. Don't they have to receive sensitivity training before becoming doctors. At least have common sense and keep your bs comments to yourself. At every pediatrician appointment to follow, she registered below the zero percentile on the height-weight ratio chart. She is now four years old and has finally hit the 25th percentile. As a mom, I was concerned about her lack of weight gain. As a woman who has battled weight and body image issues since the 5th grade, I was stoked that my baby was smaller than most. Makes me question my sanity. Feels good when jack ass doctors are wrong.

Leisha Mareth said...

No batteries? What? The husband side story is perplexing. That Dr. is an ass. You should have grabbed his belly and said "What do you think Nurse? A five pound burger for lunch? Maybe six?"

Fresh Hell, Texas said...

Happy Birthday, Anson! And happy birth day, Cjane!

Jenny (also) said...

I love honest birth stories thank you for this. I had two wonderful, spiritual, and very satisfying hospital births. They included skin on skin contact, gods white light, and daddy bonding. So just know everyone, that is totally possible too. For me, painful, crushing anxiety was also involved but that has more to do with my complicated brain than the location of birth.

Kim said...

That was just awesome Courtney. Just awesome! Both of my sons were delivered by doctors who I never once saw during my pregnancies and who were rather disparaging for the extremely small amount of time I actually saw them during my labors. Ugh. And with my first baby, I remember feeling like we were in shock too! Maybe it was the epidural? Because I didn't feel that way the second time and I had nothing to "ease" labor.

Anyway, you don't want to hear that, but thank you for this post. It was awesome. (great name too for your boy!)

Jennifer Bowman said...

Oh thank you for sharing this! It reminds me so much of my first birth (which was soo vastly different from my following two, natural births)Nothing went according to my plans with that first birth,however in the end I was so so happy and proud of myself! Giving birth, however it happens is such a miracle.
I love love hearing birthing stories.

Happy Birthday to your Anson!

Unknown said...

I gave birth to my first baby overseas in a military hospital. There was one doctor that I really did not want to be the one on-call when I went into labor. He had been very rough with me (trying to tear the lining to start labor)at one of my check ups. As I got closer to my delivery date, I prayed and prayed that this doctor would not be the one on-call when it came time to deliver. When we got to the hospital, I prayed some more, after I was admitted and in my room with machines beeping at me, I found out that the doctor I had hoped would not be on-call when I went into labor had actually died unexpectedly, the day before on the basketball court. I felt completely guilty for praying so hard that he wouldn't be the doctor on-call, because really, he was supposed to be the one there that night.

michael. mindy. dane. said...

I have loved reading this story!

And I'm sorry your hospital experience was so...sterile. Mine wasn't that way at all. I got him on my chest the second he came out--bloody and naked and screaming--and we did skin-to-skin as soon as he was wiped down. I'm sad you didn't get the same experience. But I'm glad you went home un-sad. :)

Jana said...

FABULOUS! Now when do we get to hear Ever's birth story?

mindy m. said...

From all of the stories told by both you and Stephanie, I always imagine Page as being the most awesome sister in the world. Not that we don't all have awesome sisters, but Page is always described as so loving, caring and full of wisdom. We should all be so blessed to have a "page" in our family.

I need to be a better "Page" to mine.

Vanessa Brown said...

Yes yes yes I wasn't prepared to feel loneliness either. Or the first big feeling of motherhood guilt because things didn't go how I wanted. I really disliked my first birth---good thing I loved that baby so much it made it hurt less.

The hospital I had my third at (and soon fourth) does skin to skin right away. The baby comes out and they help you open your robe and put the baby right on your chest. Then after they clean the baby up and do a couple things the nurse brings the baby back and asks you to do skin to skin right away again. It is one of the best feelings in the world.

I wish I had known this with my first two...oh we learn a lot every single time :)

whitneyingram said...

We are so night and day. When the baby comes out, I want it clean before I touch it. And I have no desire for skin-to-skin contact. But to each his own. Either way, you get a lovely, sweet baby- no matter where it made it's entrance.

Vanessa Brown said...

and I agree, I wish I had a Page too. But you know reading about Page since I am the oldest in my has helped me understand my place and role. It's nice to see it from a different perspective.

Julz said...

I have never felt as close to Heaven as I did at the birth of my 5th a hospital...lots of people in the room, but to was just my husband, me and my baby. Everyone else diappeared. Maybe a spiritual, beautiful birth is created when you allow your soul to let go of what is happening around you. Then you can step for one-brief-magical moment across the veil and bring your baby back with you. With some faith and some preparation, it can happen or home.

JJ said...

Thank you for your unashamed honesty in writing about what is very clearly a touchy subject. Please continue to write your truths. Even though some of your beliefs differ from mine, I love hearing about your experiences and how you came to make the decisions you've made.

GustoBones said...

I am so glad you felt happy. That is one of the best parts about having a baby. Sometimes your best laid plans crumble to dust, but as long as you get to hold that little one is your arms after it is all said and done, that is the real prize. My second son was 11 lbs 1 oz and breech on top of that. I felt so sad and disappointed to have to have a caesarean delivery, but in the end how truly wonderful it was to have my perfect little boy. It was a type of things to come, my next 3 were breech, so no Vbacs for me. I am glad you eventually got to have the experience you had hoped for with your subsequent deliveries.

Colleen said...

Gah, yes! This is just how I felt about my hospital birth, which is why I opted for a birthing center for me and baby girl. It still wasn't perfect, but I loved just holding her perfect little body right away. It's hard enough to let those little ones out of our bodies without them being taken from us the very moment they're born.

Shauna said...

I was born and raised in Twin Falls, Idaho, so naturally I LOVE his name! Go Idahoans!!!

mindibz said...

After reading more about Page in Stephanie's book and in Anson's birth story, I just have to echo what I'm sure your whole family feels...what a jewel that Page is!

Terri S said...

Your story made me sad. You have a large audience and you make hospital births sound awful. They aren't, although it may have been awful for you.

I am the mother of three grown men, born when home-births and unmedicated deliveries were beginning to make inroads into the traditional hospital birth.

But I also had three very normal pregnancies, that became high risk during delivery, and had I not been in a hospital for each delivery, my babies would not have survived, and during the last one, neither would I.

I understand the desire to have a so-called "natural" birth. I do not understand why having a medication assisted hospital birth is considered failure. My goal in each pregnancy was to deliver a healthy baby, with a healthy mother to nurture him. If I had been asked to stand on my head in the corner to help accomplish that goal, I would have done it. I took home three healthy babies, and in my mind, that was not a failure.

Back in the 60s, when we were burning our bras and protesting for women's rights, never for a moment thought it was about equality. It was about choices ... as in having them. A choice to have a career or not, to have children or not, to support a woman's right to have an identity separate from her husband. We won the right to make those choices for ourselves ... and your generation has benefited from that. But it makes me sad that instead of supporting that we each must make the choice that is right for ourselves and our families, women continue to undermine each other by inferring that your own choice is somehow "best."

It appears we haven't come as far as we thought.

Townhouse Towny said...

Elizabeth - in earlier parts it was mentioned Chup was sick and medicated, then rushed and plans were changed and timing was bad.

Yikes, C. Jane, that essay just changed me. I will take your words with me through my births. Due to some severe medical conditions I am unable to give birth away from a hospital but your story has me taking the birth experience more seriously. It is not nearly as simple as "just heading to the hospital." I want a plan and a doctor who gives a damn about my plan. Thank you very much for sharing your story, I'm sure you did not mean to try to convert anyone to homebirth but what you did do was open my eyes to how important it is to prepare for my hospital birth.


Sarah-Ashley said...

I work in a NICU, where critically ill infants are cared for by extremely skilled nurses and neonatologists. Your account of your hell in the hospital is a selfish one. There are mothers who would kill to give birth to a baby that is going to LIVE.

How would you feel after years of infertility, finally a pregnancy, and then, the death of your child? You are the most uneducated mother I have ever read about.

And the person your baby was handed over to? Most likely a skilled nurse, who wanted to make sure your child was going to transition safely after a pretty traumatic birth. Traumatic births, prolonged labors etc cause low blood sugar and shock to the infant.

Also, I don't believe a word about the nurses not caring, your OB not caring, you clearly didn't want them to care.

And last, I have cared for a lot of home births recently, brought into the hospital after traumatic labors and hours at home and they have not made it. Septicemia, pneumonia, aspiration, brain trauma. Its a selfish, selfish thing to give birth at home.

Please don't make hospitals into the bad guy, because they are not.

Ruthanne said...

I'm sorry your first birth didn't go as you wanted. It's hard to believe that was only 4 years ago--it sounded so barbaric. My first baby was born about 4 years ago in a hospital and my experience was so different!! No not being able to hold the baby right away nonsense. I had a wonderful experience with all three of my children. I'm glad you got to birth your other two at home. Please understand that not all hospital births are awful :)

I am LoW said...

I never held mine right away either, always some complication that had to be taken care of right away. Even so, once you finally get to hold the baby, they need to take the baby so often. :(

Townhouse Towny said...

Ok can we please remember Courtney is not a politician nor religious leader nor Oprah? Just because someone has a lot of readers does not put the burden of role model or leader on her shoulders. Just a person, with feelings, just telling her birth story.

Mary said...

She didn't say that hospital births are awful. She didn't say that medicated births are failures. You guys are projecting your issues onto what she actually said.

All she did was tell about Anson's birth and how she felt about it. She is allowed to do that since these are her feelings, her experiences, and most importantly... Her blog.

Ruthanne said...

Mary, I know she didn't say ALL hospital births are awful but her's was and I'm sorry she had a bad experience. I just want her to understand they don't all go that way.

Btw Sarah-Ashley:
You need to pull your fangs in, there's no need for you to be so viscous and insulting. Who are you to question what she did or didn't experience? Were you there? No. Just because you work at a hospital doesn't mean you need to set all the homebirth moms straight.

Ali said...

What a wonderful story. I'm sorry the hospital experience was so clinical. Not every hospital is like that.
My baby was immediately put on my chest before the cord was cut, but it was something I specified in my 4 page birth plan (yep, I was that mom. :-) With the last baby they never gave him a bath. Apparently a new trend.
I've never heard Anson's full name. I love it.
I don't think I'd ever want a home birth, but I have no problems with them. I'm so glad you went on to have two!

Becca said...

She didn't say that hospital births are awful. She didn't say that medicated births are failures. You guys are projecting your issues onto what she actually said.

All she did was tell about Anson's birth and how she felt about it. She is allowed to do that since these are her feelings, her experiences, and most importantly... Her blog.

i second that

Morgan Lee said...

@Sarah-Ashley -- It's hard to tell when we weren't there whether or not someone really was a jerk, or if the person telling the story just perceived them that way.

When I was on the hunt for an OB, I came across one particular guy on one of those doctors' ratings sites who had bad review after bad review. Out of more than a dozen reviews, only two were positive. And the comments section was filled with anecdotes about this man that were just plain creepy. So, you know, maybe sometimes a doctor just really isn't very good. It's no secret that some MDs have a better bedside manner than others, or are more open to questions and input, or more considerate of their patients' feelings.

That said, sometimes when I read women's supposedly hellish hospital birth stories, a lot of the time I think to myself that what they described really doesn't sound so bad. Sometimes the stories read like, "My nurse told me I should get up and walk around! Can you believe that? OMG! So rude!" So I get what you're saying.

So maybe the doctors and nurses really aren't assholes, and if that's the case, then there could be a couple of reasons why the mother thinks they are: like maybe the mother has a pre-conceived, negative idea of what doctors and hospitals are all about and this skepticism colors her perceptions (which is what you seem to be suggesting); or it could also just be that women in labor, with all of its physical and emotional stress, are in a very vulnerable place, so any little imperfection in the environment becomes something to which they are hypersensitive. IMO, we don't know if any of that applied to Cjane, or if her doctors and nurses really were jerky. Maybe it's a little of both. We don't know.

I had my baby at American Fork hospital, and I really could not believe how freaking NICE everybody was. My husband commented on it, too. It definitely made me feel good about the experience and I totally plan to have the next one there as well. But just because my experience was great doesn't mean I can dismiss someone else's *bad* experience as a figment of their imagination.

Qwest Connected Communities said...

Have we really gotten so spoiled as a society that not only will we B&M about the opportunity to have a baby in a hospital surrounded by medical professionals who wait on us hand and foot, but we will complain that we didn't get to touch our babies skin or see the baby first or that we didn't like our doctor's 'tone'. There are women in this world who would walk 100 miles without shoes to experience the birth that we bemoan. I also feel that homebirthers are ultimately very selfish - do you think that baby gives two licks about where he is born? They gamble with the life and health of a newborn baby that can't make that choice for him/herself. As someone who has seen a newborn life be saved by having a doctor readily available I just don't see the sense in taking that risk. Sorry, but I get really tired of the first world problems and our incessant whining. Is your baby here and healthy? Were you taken care of - especially if something should go wrong? We take ourselves too seriously and need to check back into reality somedays. I am glad you're telling your story and I do love the reading but feel that our generation gets lost on romanticizing everything.

L said...

I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion but I guess what I found interesting is that this birth going a "certain way" meant so much to you (the part about spoiling your son due to that moment). I had 3 different births and really it didn't matter to me, I just wanted a baby to love forever. Alive is all I wanted. How they got here is/was of no significance. I guess I never thought to be disappointed.

karen gerstenberger said...

I loved reading this. Thank you for sharing it with us.
And once again, I fell a little more in love with Page. She sounds like just the person you'd want with you in a birth - or death - situation. Happy Birthday, Anson!

Jules said...

On reflection it can seem as if our illusions as to how child birth,one of the most natural things in the world, should be, are marred by the sterile hospital environment. HOWEVER it's a small price to pay for a healthy infant and excellent available care for both.

Allison said...

I am quick to judge and wanted to say some judgemental I silenced myself until I could think it all out. Sometimes I forget that it is a priviledge to have a window into your private life (other reader's should remember that too). I love the way you write. I love that you share with us. I am pro-hospital births...but, can appreciate your point of view.
My least favorite doctor from my ob practice was on call when my water broke. I was less than excited when I found out. But it turned out SHE KICKED ASS and I loved her. As she cut me open, handled my scarred intestines and bladder (from crohn's disease) with care and pulled out my child who had labored too hard & long I could feel nothing but pure adoration for her that she MADE IT HAPPEN. I was bummed about the c-section. But in the end, I wanted a baby to come into the world alive and kickin' and that is what I got.
Thank you for telling your stories.

Christy said...

I'm interested to know that if at your other two homebirths had something gone horribly wrong, would you rather have peace that you had the birth you wanted but then a very sick baby. In the end what is your goal? It seems like everyone wants to say how horrible our health care is, but in the end, we are the fortunate ones. Looking back our ancestors birthed at home not because it was more comfortable but because they had to and they had 12 kids because 7 of them died, for at birth. I just don't get it.

Shauna Klippel said...

I've just spent a couple of ours reading your blog, I'm home sick, usually very busy but today, the in laws have our kids.

I'm in awe over your blog. Your writing, your sweet parents, how they brought you up, all of it. Thank you for sharing, you really are one of a kind. Take good care,


Congrats on your sweet baby.

Amy said...

First, what was going on with Chup? Please explain.

Second, having a child is probably the most unselfish act we will ever experience. You unselfishly and willingly gave your body, time, energy, nourishment, etc. to this little life inside you. You can unselfishly give him to a medical staff who is there to save his life if needed. This story should be about Anson, not you. This was his experience coming into the world. Why do you care so much about yourself in this experience? My best friend almost died after giving birth to her fourth and had she not been in the hospital, she probably would have. You have a healthy baby and you are healthy. Be grateful. Go curl his toes and put his hands in your hands and be proud that you were the vessel that brought him safely here.

Rachelle said...

That's such a bummer they didn't place Anson on you right when he was born! I would have been so disappointed as well.

I had both children in the hospital, one in Idaho even, and they were such good experiences.

I made sure the doctors and nurses knew I wanted my baby placed right on me and they were both times. They didn't take them away for awhile so I could have skin to skin time. Im kind of apprehensive about telling doctors exactly what I want but I made sure they knew that.

Happy Birthday Anson!

Holly Decker said...

you are so brave. i have thought all those things, felt all those things... but never could SAY all those things. let alone write them. thanks.

Amy said...

Just wondering why you were willing to ruin the reputation for the Spark manager/staff, but you are unwilling to do the same for this OB doc and name him??

Venisa McAllister said...

Homebirth is wonderful! I have had four babies at home and am expecting my fifth next month.

But...I have midwives that are well trained and well equipped(licensed to carry oxygen, pitocen, etc.) and would not hesitate to transfer if necessary. I have ideas about how I want the birth to go but am open to a hospital birth if necessary.

In other countries, homebirth is much more common(for example, England). In those countries homebirth midwives are supported much better. That is, there is greater cooperation between doctors and midwives. It is too bad that it is not the same here.

There have been recent studies that show homebirth is just as safe as hospital births. The experience is wonderful. My advice to someone who is interested in a home birth is to talk to a few midwives and educate yourselves.

Janice said...

Ha! I had a similar experience - nurses rushed into my room, slapped an oxygen mask on my face, and tilted the bed so that my head was down and my feet were up! Meanwhile, my doctor stood there looking sheepish (he had broken my water and sent my daughter into some sort of horrible, stressful reaction) while a nurse shouted, "Why doesn't she have an IV?" I think it went ok after that though, lol! Bottom line - the birth experience doesn't define you as a mom, your mothering defines you and I have a feeling you are doing just fine on that score. :)

Vesuvius At Home said...

Despite my fears, hospital births never made me BM myself, but some of these comments sure did!

(If there's another meaning for that acronym, I don't know it).

Carrot Jello said...

I hope you've accepted the fact that you are damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
So sorry.

Creole Wisdom said...

Happy birthday to Anson! Maybe "Olso" can be part of another baby's name :) I love how proud you are of your Norwegian roots.

I can't speak to the birth stuff, but I don't know why people are being so hard on Chup. So what the batteries ran out? They never run out when the time is convenient. He was sick, you can't plan that. Gosh.

Theresa Santoro: Give Your Family Roots and Wings / said...

For the first time mom @B, hospital births are wonderful, loving, nurturing, and special to your memories, if you allow it to be so. Embrace the people who come to your aid, and they will in return celebrate right along with you that very first breath. Courtney did not want to be at the hospital, and it was obvious in her story. HER story. Don't make it yours. Make your own! Do what is right for you! Happy Labor Day!

shalauna said...

Why wouldn't you want them to check your baby over and make sure he was ok instead of just handing him right to you? As for the oxygen mask, they were just trying to help you and your baby. That is sad you put people down when they were just trying to help you.

Awee said...

Not all doctors are like this! I have a wonderful caring amazing doctor and staff who I actually miss when I have my babies because I don't get to see them!

D. Rolling Kearney said...

I just wanted to let you know that you are one of the reasons we decided to have our own unassisted homebirth just over 4 months ago. It was an amazing and completely flawless experience that we will never regret. Thank you for sharing your experiences! It gives the rest of us hope and courage, even if things don't always go so perfectly for everyone, the truth is, they WILL go just fine for most people, most of the time. We are a dependent culture, and many doctors have lost touch with their role in providing medical "opinions" and not godlike dictates. Thanks again. PS - we named our son Nephi.

D. Rolling Kearney said...

shalauna, dear, it's not help if the recipient doesn't want it. Many people, especially those who have given birth at home, value those first few moments with their children. Wouldn't you rather it was your own face that your baby saw when it came out of such a traumatic experience, your own hands holding him, your body warming him instead of a blanket keeping him isolated from his mother's touch?

J said...

I am also a registered nurse and YES some nurses and doctors just plain suck! For my first baby my nurse consistently told me that I was a wimp and not truly in labor because I was only 32 weeks pregnant. What she wasn't expecting was to deliver my baby 90 minutes later.
I have had epidurals at the hospital and home births...both have had different positives and negatives. Either way I just hope a woman comes away from her childs birth with a sense of how magnificent they are, and how precious their child is.
CJane I enjoy reading your blog and I sincerely hope you are compensated well enough that its worth putting up with so many careless comments!! Yuck! I would want to personally drop kick people too much to be able to blog like you do.

Cheryl said...

This makes me very sad to read all these comments. This is a "Mommy War" that is unnecessary and hurtful. These are "1st world problems" people. The goal is to have a healthy and LIVE Mommy and Baby at the end. How you choose to do it doesnt' really matter. Read this article for some serious insight:

J said...

To be fair though, the midwives who delivered my 4th were "meh" and the doctor who delivered my 5th was absolutely amazing! I've never met a kinder more helpful health care worker in my life!

Jennifer said...

I believe that birth matters. Some hospitals and doctors are doing a pretty good job. Others are not. They need to be better. Wanting to have your birth go a certain way is not selfish. Immediate skin to skin contact is best for the baby in most cases. Of course having a healthy baby and mom is the most important thing but that does not mean the other things aren't important. They are. Birth matters.

Unknown said...

While I was reading this, my 2 year old came over to sit in my lap. He looked at the picture.
"Baby me?"
"No, another boy."
"She HAPPY."
"Yes, she's very happy."

Happy Birthday Anson!

Joann Mannix said...


When will the Mommy wars ever end? I was infuriated by the recent Time Magazine cover. Not because of the woman who simply chooses to breast feed her child past what is considered the norm. But because of the exploitive picture meant to shock, and that awful, awful headline, "Are You Mom Enough?"

I despise this rancid, divisive, mothers-judging- other-mothers culture that has come to define us. We are mothers, the most sacred role on the planet and instead of reveling in that and lifting each other up, we choose to tear down our fellow life-givers.

It makes me plain sad.

CJane has begun each birth entry with something to the effect of: I've been too scared to explain the story in the past.

And now here she is, pouring out her heart, putting it out there, giving HER personal feelings on HER child's birth and fellow mothers are in line waiting to judge. I can see why she was scared.

I have had 3 beautiful daughters, all in the hospital, all different birth stories. I didn't have an experience like CJane. Mine were all powerful and uplifting, the best moments of my life as a woman. It probably helped that I was prepared to have a hospital birth and then there's the little fact that I tend to get a mite...feisty if I'm treated rudely or disrespectfully. (We all deserve decency, especially when bringing a human being into the world.)

But even though CJane's experience and perception of her hospital birth were far different than mine, her feelings of sadness and frustration are so palpable and justified. A hospital birth didn't work FOR HER. It wasn't at all what she wanted. And she has every, every right to feel that way.

Let's cut each other some slack as females and mothers. Let's start celebrating the glory that is birth instead of pointing fingers and shaking heads.

Rock on, CJane. Keep giving us your heart.

And as for Chup? He seems like a stellar guy. I've got one of those stellar ones myself. And my stellar guy said to me on the way to the hospital for the first baby, as I tried to breathe through the fast and furious pain, "Hey, do you mind if we stop by the video store and return the movie. I don't want to get a late charge."

Men will always be men, stellar or not. Batteries and videos does not a man make.

shalauna said...

Kearney dear, if you don't want medical help then don't go to a hospital. Their number one priority is the safety of the baby and mother. I would rather have my child healthy then seeing my face first.

J said...

Amen Joann Mannix, you've said it perfectly! And as for the hubby thing, I think that hubby's don't know what to do or say especially when they've never been through the birth experience before. My hubby was scared to death first time around, but was sitting with me in the birthing pool for our second son. Birth is scary for men too. They've got two loved ones to worry about and no control over what happens.
I'm willing to bet Chup was way more involved the second time around!

Bits and Pieces of Me...Emily! said...

Happy Birthday Anson! here's to four healthy, happy years, and a thousand more of them!

Cheryl said...

Yes birth matters...obviously. But we don't need to be judging each other and tearing each other down over this issue. I could have had my first two children at home if I so desired, but I didn't desire that. My other 3 I might have died had I had them at home due to complicated pregnancies and deliveries. I had wonderful deliveries in the hospital 5 different times. The last 3 were c-sections and I didn't get to hold the baby for an hour after due to recovery time. I hated it, but it is what it had to be. I still was able to love my baby and have had the rest of their lives to snuggle them. Birth is important but doesn't need to define the rest of our children's existence.

Venisa McAllister said...

I agree about the mommy wars. I also say that it is not right to make such sweepingly negative statements about home birth. My midwives are medical professionals, each with two certifications and incredible amounts of experience.

Laura said...

It's too bad you seem so down on doctors. It seems like someone has a perceived bad experience with one and suddenly the entire medical community can't be trusted. 99.9% of docs are not the way you described. I'm sure the nurse didn't take the baby back to the table just to spite you- I'm sure he needed her help, maybe he aspirated something- or something you just don't know.

Mrs. Cropper said...

It's so fascinating how each birth story differs. Every hospital is different, every doctor, every nurse, every situation...

I had a similar experience the first time--same hospital, a doctor I wasn't crazy about, a crazy powerful epidural, the baby whisked away before I could hold him... And, unlike you, I hadn't done much research, so I didn't really realize what I was missing, only I knew it didn't feel right.

Births number 2 and 3 (both in different hospitals) were SO much better. I found the perfect doctors for me, even got to have a custom, light epidural from my brother with #3, I felt so much more aware of what I wanted and how to ask for it (demand it if need be), and really feel like they were magical, spiritual, beautiful experiences.

Thanks for always being willing to share your story. I think it takes a lot of courage to be as real and honest as you are.

Paola said...

Beautiful post, as always. They are born only once, I totally get you. I would love to read a post dedicated to Page! If there was a sister of the century award it would go to her. I remember Nie saying that when Lucy had her baby she arranged for someone to be with her at all times. Also in the book she said that Page took such good care of her to the point of getting in the shower to help her wash after she came home from the hospital. This is how sisters should be, what a great woman *clapping* Page post, Page post! Pretty please,cherry on top, por favor, si si si, s'il vous plaƮt?

LeaHall said...

Great story! I love you, CJane! If I were you, I would ignore 3/4 of these comments. People are so judgmental! Maybe they are just jealous of your beautiful, honest, story-telling abilities, or of your good experiences and ability to relate and grow from them, or of just your all around awesome you-ness. Keep writing! We love it! :)

Gingerlylizzy said...

I have experienced 5 births now. four of my own, 1 of my best friend who I assisted with a natural childbirth in a hospital. My first was with an epidural and forceps, not holding my baby for awhile and getting him wrapped tight. My next was induction and epidural a BIG baby, but quick and painless. My 3rd was sunny side up. Induction, an epidural, lots of pushing and scary heart rates but a good outcome. Another big baby. My last was induction (due to a big baby who was floating in my enormous belly and refused to engage in my pelvis), but natural and crazy painful and a little traumatizing - but later, amazing and empowering. This past week I acted as a doula to my best friend who was calm and amazing and even though it was tense at the end with a baby who didn't want to revive very well, it turned out ok and she said shortly after she would do it again naturally (success!). Baby was placed skin to skin as soon as possible and left alone with mama and encouraged to nurse for a long time after. I have found that hospitals have come a long way since my first baby, and they are continuing to evolve. I love the setting because of the WHAT IF's. They do happen, and the best outcome is NOT a natural, home birth that follows a specific plan. Rather it is a HEALTHY BABY and Mama. I have studied and read about birth and see the positives of home birth, and hospital birth - and I have seen both have negatives. The point is, each woman needs to feel like she can choose what is best for her baby first, and her experience second. Education is paramount. Common sense important, and most of all, there is no way to meet all expectations. You do the best you can and make changes accordingly the next time. But every type of birth can be enjoyable and special and a miracle. Huzzah for choices! Thanks for sharing your experience Courtney!

Gingerlylizzy said...

By the way, for the record, I think unassisted home birth takes a very brave and confident birthing Mother, and while it isn't for everyone. It should be a judgement free option for a healthy Mom!

argylesocks said...

I think that there is something so very important to learn here. We need to learn to be in touch with what we feel is right and what we want. I used to romanticize over home births. We felt right about the hospital though, so that is what we did. When my son was born he wasn't breathing correctly. I felt so helpless as the nurses worked so quikly to help him. The nurses were rockstars. One nurse stayed by my side and explained everything that they were doing and kept reassuring me that he was okay. I am so very grateful that we felt inspired to go to the hospital that day. My two since then, would have been just fine being born at home, but after that there is no convincing my husband.

The point I meant to make is that we know our bodies, we have the ability to recieve inspiration for ourselves and our families. I love that you prayed for guidance about your birth. I also think that if we don't feel right about something, even if it is a matter of not caring for a particular OB, we need to be brave and make a change, find a different route. There are many options out there. Research our options. Do what feels right. Pray for ispiration. Most of all. We need to support each other as women. A part of that is recognizing that what is right for me is not particularily right for you.

One last thought. I have a sister like Page. Oh, how she has blessed my life when it comes to having babies!

Laurie said...

I have read your blog for years. I was in your parents ward when Stephanie had the accident. I have never left a comment before. I am and have been a masters level mental health professional for the past 15 years of my life. I admire the way you put yourself out there. I don't know how you can read others comments, some of them just astound me with their ignorance,lack of judgement and understanding. While other comments are appropriate even if the person shares a different viewpoint. We all enjoy the gift of agency--the ability to make choices for ourselves. We have been given the gift of prayer so that we can communicate with our Heavenly Father and do what is best for us. I am currently 7 months pregnant with our 4th child. All have been born in a hospital with a doctor and midwife. Child #1 and #3 were born in Upstate NY at a women's hospital, all they do is women's healthcare. The NY births were wonderful magical and scared experiences. Baby #2 was born in Provo--HORRIBLE experience. Truly horrible. The care was substandard and the birth was just awful, the baby and I both ended up with infections and an expensive hospital stay. The epidural was too strong, and I had complications form that for months.
We have moved back to the Provo area and baby #4 is due late this summer. I have to have another hospital birth because I am a high risk pregnancy (I am getting old--honestly late 30s is not exactly ancient), and there are some other health concerns. I seem to have better care this time, I searched for different options, but as I am well aware when the baby comes I am up to the mercy of whoever is on call.
Thank you for your honesty. I hope that you can be true to yourself. You are such a talented writer, and have had some many different life experiences. At times people in general tend to put all Mormon women into the same category without realizing that many of us have very different opinions and experiences that make us unique.

mom said...

Hospitals and doctors are not that bad.

And, by the way, with both of my babies (who were both born in hospitals) we had skin to skin contact right away.

Home birth is not the "right" way to have a baby. Whatever you want is the right way.

And, finally, I just have to say that your sister Page sounds like the best sister ever. Seriously.

Alison said...

I had a somewhat similar experience with the birth of my first child. Though I did it without an epidural, they wrapped him up before giving him to me, then took him away because his body temperature wasn't regulated - something that skin-to-skin would have solved. Then they gave him a bottle against my wishes. I didn't know any better or I would have insisted on the skin-to-skin. It enrages me now, how you they make choices for you when you aren't informed or experienced enough to insist upon what you want. I understand why you had your other two babies at home.

I was very vocal about my second baby and how I wanted his birth to be so the doctor nor the nurses would know exactly what I wanted. I had him at the hospital, but because I had made sure everyone knew what I wanted, I had direct skin-to-skin as soon as the cord blood had "drained" into him and the cord was cut. He never left my presence in the short 24 hours we were at the hospital.

I think it's most important for women to be informed about the choices they have during childbirth. That's what matters the most. I also think that women need to be assertive about what they want and speak up (or yell and scream) when their wishes are being ignored.

Janie said...

I forgot to say when I first read the title, I thought - wow they drove to Idaho to have the baby??

PS. I bet Janna your unpaid therapist hates the medifast ads on your blog. I hate how they pounce on any blog that mentions the word "weight"

PS. most of the comments -- ugh. What part of ITS HER STORY don't people get - seriously.

women can be so mean.

Sarah said...

So Janie, let me get this straight.... It's okay for you to be disappointed in Cjane for choosing to circumcise her son, but it's not okay for other woman to voice their opinion? Hmmmm, interesting.

Rebecca said...

i understand the sadness that came to you from that wrapped up baby. Mine too was a wrapped up baby i briefly saw, then had to wait for hours to hold him bc of my emergency c-section. my second was also a c-section but i requested he come to recovery with me so i didn't have to wait hours to hold him. (i didn't know you could request that the first time around) wrapped up babies are just as sweet... once you understand thats the way you have to get them due to my c-sections :)

Lindsay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
princepom*a*poo said...

Somehow, I just KNEW when you started to write this birth story, that some people would turn it into what they have. Sad. I think you should seriously consider removing this commenting ability!

Janie said...

Sarah its very simple, I don't think that is a choice that parent's should have, its his body he should have the choice to be circumcised or not.

His body, his choice. Same right that we give our daughters.

Would I be upset with an adult man that wants to be circ'ed - no but doing it to a strapped down unconsenting baby boy - big ethical no-no

birthing choices, women that are informed I support the elective csection the same way I do the unassisted birther.

cosmetic surgery on babies - no no no no no no noooooo

Sarah said...

You completely misunderstand the point I am trying to make. I did not say anything pro or against circumcision. I am simply pointing out how you come and comment about other women being "mean" when they are only coming to state their opinion on a public blog through comments. And yet, you are doing the exact same thing. I would call that hypocritical. I just found it interesting, that's all.

Andrea said...

CJane - you are so brave to put your real feelings out there. I don't think many people could! Time and time again, you make me think! Thank you!

I love your story of Anson's birth because it reminds me of how clueless I was myself. How I wish I had known more, had spoken up, had found out what I really wanted. But, I think the first time a couple brings a child into the world, it is just so overwhelming on every level that it almost seems unreal. Or is that just me?? When the time comes, I will chat my girls to death on the options they have.

But oh, I just love how supportive your mom and sister were!

As the mom of older kids though, go easy on yourself regarding the births. You'll have much more to worry over and wish you had done differently before too long! ;)

Cheryl said...

janie...your need to inflict it or be so condescending to those of us who don't agree.

Morgan Lee said...

I am with you 100%, Sarah. See, if Janie agrees with C. Jane's choices or attitude, then anyone voicing disagreement is out of line. But if Janie herself disagrees with C.Jane's choice, then suddenly there is no obligation to keep a dissenting opinion to one's self. You must not have gotten the memo on that . :)

Unknown said...

I didn't get to hold my son for almost 2 weeks after he was born. The first time I saw him he was in cardiac arrest and the wonderful doctors and nurses were pumping away on his little chest to save his life. He was then Life Flighted an hour away. I didn't see him for 72 hours. He died of sepsis at 17 days old. On Christmas Eve.

And you whine about not getting your way. Get a grip. You and your baby are healthy. In my book that constitutes a successful birth.

Transplanted Italian said...

I continue to admire your ability to express the depth of your life experiences. What a gift!

Of course everybody judges according to their life experience...(do I like that? Not really but there is nothing I can do about it, everybody has a good point and the reason is:that point is true in their life!!!!) I wish we thought more outside of our "box" and understood we obviously are all different and with different needs, desire, dreams, opinions. I have a hard time with narrow minded people and hypocrisy though. You, Courtney, are simply wonderful, because you are who you are and are not afraid of fact you explore it and learn and grow as you think and write and live your life. I happen to think a LOT like you. But I have said that before...and with too many words probably.

Thank you.

Happy birthday Anson!

Giulia from Italy in the USA.

Jenna said...

I'm a homebirthing mama as well. One of the most transcendent experiences of my life.

So glad you were able to have the experience you desired eventually.

Charlotte said...

At first this post bugged me, because I felt like you were whining about something that none of us have any business complaining about. You were able to have a healthy baby boy, after wanting a child for years and years and years. So what if the care you received during the pregnancy and delivery wasn't anything to write home about? You got a healthy kid and you left a healthy woman. To my way of thinking, that's the ultimate goal and primary job of those who attended you medically.

But really, the fact is, this is your story. These are your feelings, this is your experience. We all have disappointments in life, and it's not for me to judge you or proclaim that you're wrong for feeling unhappy about these aspects of Anson's birth. It's your life, it's your story, they are your feelings. You are absolutely entitled to have them.

(And I'm glad you didn't name any names.)

Unknown said...

I'm not sure where the "Janie" comments began but I do agree with her on the issue of circumcision. Who looks at that perfect little bundle and then thinks "let's mutilate his/her genitals."? I guarantee you that if babies could talk 100% of them would be against it.

Janie said...

I tried to leave this in direct response to the rebuttal against me but here is where I do not think my stance is hypocritical, reasons on how and where she wanted to birth and disappointments and joys as a result are HER choices and people who get all riled up about that - are being mean in some of these comments.

Now taking away the rights of a baby to HIS choice - is wrong to me.

An analogy would be someone saying I insisted my sister have a natural birth because I think its better, I would disagree with that because its NOT her choice to make.

So cosmetic surgery on an infant - NOT a parent's choice to make they don't own that body - they are their to protect it.

I give myself for slack for making the wrong decision once and I give many moms slack because they don't know any better. But Cjane being the researcher that she seems to be, I was truly saddened to see Anson not be spared this custom of our society. And that is all I said I was devastated, because truly I was. And then to see the comments on that older post - ignore the issue except for "good job on the snipping- right choice" but then here playing the "you are selfish" card for wanting an out of hospital birth - that seems more hypocritical to me. Demonize a mother for her birthing choice but be ok with taking away a very personal choice from an unconsenting infant.

Venisa McAllister said...

I think as much as possible every woman should feel that her baby's birth was ideal. I also think think that there is much misinformation about homebirth. My homebirth midwives are all trained in neonatal resuscitation skills and they carry oxygen.

Sarah said...

I don't like to beat a dead horse, so this will be my last response.

Your claim on non-hypocrisy is ludicrous, as well as your claim on your birth-at-home/circumcision comparison argument. Yes, it is the Mother's choice to birth at home... She is the parent after all. But what if that isn't what the baby wants? Shouldn't the baby have a choice? What if the baby wanted to be born in a hospital? You're taking away the baby's agency, am I wrong?

Your argument with circumcision goes along those same lines. It should be the boy's choice. That's what you're suggesting, yes?

Well, I've got news for you. Sometimes parents have to make decisions for their children. In fact, most normal people make most of their kids decisions for them because children don't always know what's best... That's why the adults are the parents, and they're in charge.

You're suggesting boys should have the choice to be circumcised or not, and you're coming to a public blog to state your disappointment in Cjanes choice that she had her son circumcised.... Over 4 years ago. And yet you call out other woman for voicing their opinion that they think she shouldn't whine about her hospital experience because it ended well, meaning healthy mama, healthy baby.

And there's my point, once again. Nobody likes a hypocrite.

Janie said...

see it goes like this - criticizing women for their birth choices and wishes is a MOMMY war. And pointless, even though I do believe more women would benefit from being more educated about their birth options.
but in the end I don't want to participate in that war anymore.

A baby's right to their whole body - BOY or girl... That is a BABY WAR that I will stand on the front lines of --- Parents have to make many, many tough decisions for their children - circumcision should NOT be one of them. They deserve the right to make that decision.

There is no medical reason to circumcise. NO medical organization in the world recommends infant circumcision. Many recommend AGAINST it!

It is wrong. And if that makes me a hypocrite in your eyes or Cjane's that is ok.

I speak for the babies.

If one mom rethinks what she thinks is 'her' choice for her son it is a miracle in my eyes.

Laura said...

Janie you're not a doctor you have no idea what the medical recommendations are. If you went to medical school you'd know that there are medical reasons to circumcise. Your opinion means very little to me- you just shouldn't be spouting off things you don't know about.

Mama Birth said...

That is all.

she knew joy said...

What happened to if you don't have something nice to say then don't say anything at all? Honestly, don't all you negative, ornery women have anything better to do?? Courtney- you will forever be one my heroes-- whichever way you have birthed your children, or lived any other moment of your life, you have had the bravery and self awareness that I seek to cultivate in myself daily. You write exquisitely and with powerful voice. I am touched and moved by your experiences and who they have made you. I think, sadly, you do a disservice to yourself to even allow comments here. It should be a place of learning and positivity, even in disagreement. And many commenters here are that way and make my heart sing. But the ones who wait for you to post something they disagree with, then come here and bash you personally and only do so (and they know it) because of their own insecurities, are ruining this place that should be brave and bright and good.

Janie said...

Laura, there IS NO medical organization in the world that recommends infant circumcision of girls OR boys.
The "reasons" you may think exist are from years of inaccurate opinions and flawed science and plain ol' cultural norms that trumps what most moms should have the instinct to follow:

babies should not be cut on their genitals.

permanently altering someone's body without their consent is wrong. Even if there were "benefits" (which there are NOT) the person who owns the genitals should weigh those risks and decide when he or she is old enough to make an educated decision.