I have always suffered from confusion about my body. I like it, deep down somewhere. It's a small frame padded with gratuitous curves. But on a daily basis I struggle with appreciating how it's like a litmus test of my content. I don't feel sad, I feel fat. I don't feel happy, I feel like I've lost weight. For several years (and many different scale weights) I've been seeking to heal myself of body image discrepancies. I have found a higher source in my friend and neighbor Janna Dean. Her thoughts are radically different from Yahoo's Front Page news sources on Losing Weight and Being Healthy. But in listening to her ideas I have come a long way. Janna will be writing monthly posts for me this year, we hope to help others who might have the same challenges. Enjoy! -C. Jane
It is the beginning of January, a time when I reflect on my recent past-- my choices, my relationships and my regrets, a time for resolutions to change my course to a direction I prefer. Many of you are doing the same thing now. And each New Year there are countless people resolving to make new choices in order to feel better about themselves and their lives. The goal is good but the problem is that our body- obsessed culture tells us the way to an improved life with improved self esteem is to battle your body. I often wonder how many New Year’s resolutions focus on diet, exercise and appearance. I remember a time when I battled my own body (its weight, its shape, its size, etc.) as if I could win self acceptance by rejecting my own self. What’s crazy is that diets don’t even work! And the hopeless effort leads to miserable thoughts and miserable feelings and more battles taken up against the body. And so the cycle goes.
You may be stepping on the scale every day (or even multiple times a day) to determine how you will feel about yourself. If the number goes up you feel depressed, discouraged and guilty. If the number goes down you feel positive and encouraged. You are battling with your own body and no matter the result of your diet, the diet industry is the real winner of the war—winning $50 billion a year! And then they turn around, invest some of your money into developing the next “break-through diet” and posting advertisements on-line, TV, magazines, billboards, that are actually designed to make you feel bad about how you look and subtly (or not so subtly) give you the miracle solution that will finally bring you peace.
What you aren’t told is that the outcome to this war was decided before it began. Seeking self acceptance and peace in your life through weight loss or body changes does not work. Nor do diets. Research shows that 90-95% of diets fail within the first year (with the lost weight regained plus some) and 98% fail within 5 years. And we are told over and over again that the diet didn’t fail—we did. We are led to believe that our own defects and mistakes led to the lost battle when we didn’t have a fighting chance to begin with. But the good news is you don’t have to fight that battle anymore.
In creating your own New Year’s resolutions consider this: you can choose your battle! Rather than engaging in a battle laid out for you by the media and body-obsessed culture—a battle designed for you to lose--you can choose to fight a battle that you can win. You can choose a battle that will help you achieve the self esteem and acceptance you are craving. For me and my life, I choose to battle the cultural lies instead of struggling against myself. I choose to battle the notion that my body shape, skin, hair style, clothing, and weight have anything to do with the peace I find in my life.
To get you started in creating some alternative resolutions, here are some worthwhile battles to consider:
· Throw away your scale and quit weighing yourself.
· Eliminate “fat talk” about yourself or anyone else.
· Honor your body—eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full.
· Say something positive about yourself every day.
· Make a list of 3 things your body did well each day.
· Express gratitude daily to those you love.
· Acknowledge that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and are beautiful in their own right—beauty is subjective.
· Exercise when it feels good and stop when it doesn’t .
· Become a critical viewer of the media. Acknowledge the insane standards set forth for us and laugh about the impossibility of it all and put your energy into something that will strengthen you.
· Make a commitment to give up conversations about dieting, calories, weight, etc.
· Work on developing areas in your life that you are passionate about. You will be beautiful when you love yourself.
We are opening our comment section for constructive comments on this post! Click on PIECES OF OPINION down below.
Janna Dean LCSW is a practicing therapist specializing in treating eating disorders and other addictions. She is the mother of two four-year-olds, loves camping and making cookies for her neighbors. Her neighbors really appreciate it. Cause they are good cookies.
160 comments:
THANK YOU so much in advance for this series of blog posts. This is a subject that does not get enough attention in my opinion. I loved this post and will anxiously await the ones to come. Thanks again.
My goal in 2011 is to continue to reach for that acceptance. Thank you for giving me even more inspiration to set myself free.
I rarely comment on blogs, but love what you have said here. I try very hard to eliminate "fat talk" in my home, if not for me, at least for my daughters, because even if I feel the pressure, I want them to feel perfect. It is hard to tell grandparents this... but I am sticking to it!
your blonde hair is gorg, c.jane.
This one is getting printed as we speak. It will get a place of prominence on my refrigerator. I have three daughters and one son and I want them to focus on the positive words and ideas you've written. Thank you.
I hesitate to comment... I agree about our obsessed society being 'played' by the weight-loss industry and how finding peace in one's self is not about waist size, but I don't want to feel powerless. Diets DO work! (healthy ones) I want to continue to set goals and check myself to make sure I'm respecting my body by keeping it strong and healthy. I know that when I don't make good choices in diet and activity, I don't feel as good. These are my choices and I should take responsibility for them. Not in a negative, self-loathing way, but in an I-have-the-power-and-I-can-do-better way. But I agree that there is far too much negativity. Just like when we have a not-so-good mommy day, we don't then hate mommy-ing, but say I will do better because my kids and I deserve it. ...'cause I'm worth it! (haha, isn't that a commercial about being unachievably beautiful? Sorry, couldn't help it.)
I struggle with body image issues. I find myself feeling fat most of the time. The problem is that I compare myself to worldly standards, and though I know it's not right to do that, I still do.
It's something that I'm working on but it's so hard not to when all around are me images of beautiful thin women and I don't see myself like them. No wonder girls have these problems when something like this happens almost all the time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U
Yes and no.
There is a lot of beautiful advice in this. And I get what you are saying.
But here is where it seems to me I disagree with you.
Obesity is a huge problem in this country. Forget the body "image" issue.Obesity is a problem because it kills people.
I have recently read a study that is in opposition to the ones mentioned here. To tell someone battling for their life against obesity that "diets do not work" is discouraging. There are plenty of people who are living proof that you are wrong in this regard.
I have a beloved sister that struggled with her weight for years. All of her desires to be thin and beautiful were in vain. But when our father died suddenly in his 50's, something changed in her. It wasn't about vanity or acceptance any more. It became about living a long healthy life for the sake of her children. She lost over 100 pounds and has kept it that way through the years and the birth of several babies.
There are thousands of stores just like hers'.
My battle of the bulge evolved too. I gave up long ago on trying to measure up to society's distorted image of beauty. But I have asthma and I if I do not get on the treadmill and lift weights and weigh myself regularly, I gain weight. And the more I weigh the harder it is on my lungs and I cannot breathe and therefore, I cannot take care of my family.
I have a son with Autism who will probably never be able to take care of himself.. Everyday when I feel like not exercising or downing a dozen cookies I see his face. Sure, my life could be taken away tomorrow by some terrible accident. But I need to do everything in my power to be as healthy as I can,to live as long as I can for him.
Another thing I would like to point out is that carrying around extra weight not only taxes our bodies and leads to all sorts of health problems and suffering (including depression unrelated to body image) thereby reducing quality of life, it just plain makes you feel crappy physically and makes it a heck of a lot harder to do everything that you need to do.
I also think that some people are more prone to addiction than others. It is one thing to say, "eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full". It is quite another thing to actually do that. I know a lot of people that do seem to be able to do that. I am not one of them-although I continue to work on it. The kind of food most people eat in this country is so incredibly bad for us. It makes us fat, we feel like crap, it causes depression, it is designed by evil men to be addictive, and it is killing us.
Like you, I am passionate about fighting cultural lies. I pretty much detest the food industry. I choose to go down the road less travelled by in many areas of my life. I respect your opinion and agree with much of what you have to say, I am just not going to throw away my scale.
http://rp2.twinight.net/images/_images/a924ece3423d1cb7a7382112d03104b4/dreams%20hopes%20poster%20rhino%20treadmill%20unicorn.gif
I too, am not one to comment on blogs often. But I had a life-changing experience with my body image when I was a student at BYU. As a student, I became obsessed with my weight: sugar and calorie intake, how many miles I ran in a day, etc. I still gained the freshman 15, and yet, my period stopped for several months due to my restrictive calorie intake.
Finally, my junior year, I went to a nutritionist at BYU. I told her my story: no matter what I did, I couldn't lose the weight I wanted to. She told me a) there were way too few carbs in my diet b) I needed to read the book Intuitive Eating.
That book was genuinely an answer to prayer. I had been praying about the wrong thing for so many years: how to lose weight. The real thing I should have been praying about was how to love myself and appreciate my body for the miracle that it is. This book taught me that I simply needed to eat what I wanted when I wanted, and then stop. Just like you said. Since then, I have ceased hating my body, and I tell other girls with body image problems to read this book.
I appreciate your post, and I hope it helps girls with the crazy "perfectionist" problem that we Mormon women sometimes have.
I got this quote off the net and used it on my resolutions post last week.
Christine states the reason most resolutions don’t work is that they address only one level of your life. The DO level. It’s the DO-HAVE-BE model. “I will DO this thing.” (i.e., Lose weight) “So I can HAVE this other thing” (Self-Esteem) and I can BE this thing. (Confident.)
The average New Year’s Resolution doesn’t address the core of the issue – the “BE” level.
The best order for creating positive changes in your life is the BE-DO-HAVE model.
Now... WHAT DO I WANT TO BE???
I think that sums it up great and goes along with what Janna Said
I chose one word - Simplicity - to be my goal for this year. Inspired by Elder Uchdorf's talk at conference where he said "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication
I worried a lot about my weight when I was younger. I felt fat all the time. I look back now at pictures from those days and I see how silly it all was. What I see in those old pictures is a beautiful, slim, obsessed young woman.
I am older now and I worry less. I do not keep a scale in my home, and I eat when I am hungry, and I only eat until I am full - which means I often leave half my food on my plate. Sometimes I eat it all - it just depends on how hungry I am, which often depends on what I have been doing.
I know it seems scary to not weigh or fret, but the truth is my weight has not changed in many years. Not weighing didn't make my weight go up or out of control. When I gave up counting every calorie, and every morsel of food, I didn't suddenly start overeating. What did happen was I stopped thinking so much about food, and I stopped worrying so much about weight. I don't even think about all this fat business anymore. Talk about being free! Now my Dr. weighs me at my yearly check up, and as I said, my weight is stable and appropriate, and I am happy and at peace.
That was a great post to start the New Year. Thank you so much, such inspiration. We all need to remember how wonderful we really are. C. Jane, Janna, you put it to words so eloquently. So grateful to have you in our lives!
This is a wonderful post. I have teenage daughters and I would love to instill this type of self acceptance into them as I don't yet have it in myself.
I love it. I am looking forward to hearing more throughout this year from Janna Dean; and hearing C.Jane's thoughts on how she is healing. :) Thanks for sharing, ladies!
I definitely do think that making a conscious decision to stop talking about diets and weight and food really helps. At my previous office, a day couldn't go by without my female colleagues discussing their weight/shape/diet/relationship with food and it's so unhelpful. Almost every food becomes framed as 'bad' or 'naughty' and you'd get women eating a chocolate bar then saying they'd 'better go to the gym later to work it off'. This isn't the attitude we should strive for.
I try to focus on health rather than size. I eat whatever i want in moderation because i know that this is okay - but that eating too much unhealthy food will do nothing for my body and my wellbeing. I certainly know about it if i let my diet go downhill because i just don't feel as good! I exercise, but don't beat myself up about it if i don't make it out for a run one day because i'm too busy or don't feel good.
Western society promotes such a toxic view of diet and body image and it's hard to escape from, but it's something we must try to do.
I understand that this approach to looking at weight, body image, etc., is to make ourselves feel better about being overweight and not focusing on it-- focus on other issues to empower ourselves. But God wants us to practice self control, avoid gluttony, and not to idolize anything other than him. Sadly, food replaces God in many people's lives. If he is the focus, our eating habits and approach to diet, food itself, exercise will be significantly changed.
I am going to love this series.
This is excellent. I agree with your observations and that of the commenters. I am so tired of the media pressure to be thinner and thinner. Curves are great. It's just that there's a media conspiracy to make thin the only way. This is a great series... I think the detailed weight loss resolutions we make are doomed to fail. I just found a way to set goals that I think is healthier for those of us with the struggle. I'll post the link to it tomorrow when it goes up on my blog. Thanks for doing this, CJ. It's a service.
I love this advice. Especially listing three things that your body did well each day. I have had multiple back surgeries and have a long list of what my body can't so any more, but I am going to try and focus on what it can do. Thanks.
I got a letter from my kids' elementary school (daughter in 3rd, son in 1st) telling me that both of my kids' BMIs are too high. Essentially, "Your kids are fat". I was shocked!!! First of all, my kids are both very healthy. They take swim lessons and play soccer and eat a wide variety of healthy things. I do not allow them to gorge themselves, but I let them eat when they're hungry and I try not to worry if they fill their clothes out a little more than other kids. Honestly, neither even looks fat at all. I was shocked. This is where the world is headed...
Oh, I loved this...needed this.
I really like the idea of improving ourselves or going for something we are passionate about. I really believe that we are attractive to ourselves and others when we love ourselves and what we do.
I'm giving that a try.
I struggled too. Not anymore because I am old. But when I look back a pictures of me as a young girl what a wast of energy. I WAS beautiful...I just didn't see it. Ladies we are ALL beautiful just as cjane has said. Rejoice and be glad! ...Courtney so glad you are letting us talk! LOL!
I have struggled with this my whole life. I love the post. I do, I love the advice. I would love to throw the scale away, because it has controlled my life for the last 2 years. I step on it atleast 5 times a day. I wish that I could find acceptance with my body. The sad thing is that two years ago I worked really hard to lose 65 lbs. I was really unhealthy and needed to do it for health reasons. I still wasn't happy and haven't been since. I wish that it was easier to accept me. Right now I have gained 15 lbs. and that is like the worse thing ever for me. I really needed this article. I've said this over and over, "Why can't I just be happy with what I accomplished and be happy with me?"
I will continue to fight the fight, though. My dad died at the age of 36, I was only 9, from heart disease and many other related health problems. I don't want that.
I do wish, however that I could find a happy medium. A place where I am healthy and comfortable. Even at my lowest weight and working out 5 days a week, I still was unhahppy with what appears to be my body's happy weight.
Thanks for bringing up a sensitive subject. I look forward to these posts.
LOVE IT. Thanks for this. <3 social workers.
Sounds a lot like the philosophy behind Women, Food and God which is an excellent book. It's not about giving up eating healthy and exercising - it's about doing those things because you want to and because your body craves it - and eliminating the guilt when you have a "naughty" treat.
All things in moderation.
An excellent philosophy. Thanks for the post!
I would like to address the people who had doubts as to this idea. Obesity is a problem, but Jana was my therapist and she taught me intuitive eating. There is so much to this method it cannot be explained in one comment, however, intuitive eating works for people on either end of the spectrum. Obesity, anorexia or average body weight. It is about listening to your body, honoring your hunger, finding your body's natural set point and letting go of negative body image. Jen, you said that diets work. They don't for most people. Intuitive eating works and perhaps your sister unknowingly practiced this. When you stop and listen to your body, honor your hunger and fullness, your body will naturally shed excess pounds, gain needed pounds or maintain a healthy weight. It is time we take back our control over our lives and throw out the tabloid's body image and love ourselves!
Weight is also predetermined in utero.. Thank you ever so kindly, genes!
Many of us can't for the life of us loose weight because we have underlying medical problems that prevents us from being the shape and size we desire.
We can fight tooth and nail to shed extra lbs, but we can't.
No matter the reason for our weight, we all need to remember, during our daily quest to love ourselves, that our bodies are gifts. Divine gifts that were given to us by a very loving Father in Heaven.
When we are having a difficult body image day, we should stop and say to ourselves.. My body is perfect, I am human, I am not perfect. How can I overcome myself to see my body for the gift that it really is?
I read your sister's blog and linked to your blog this morning. I really enjoyed reading it. I consider myself 5 - 10 pounds overweight but feel all the things about my body that you talk about. I know I am not fat by any means but I constantly want my body to look better/different. My New Year's resolution is to be happy with the way I look and to exercise for my heart and not my waistline. Maybe your blog can keep me inspired. Thanks!
My friend reads your blog and told me to check this out.
I'm crying. But only cos you've made sense of all of this for me.
If I come back to visit your blog, will you promise not to make me cry? I don't have waterproof mascara...
Two years ago I struggled with all the negative things this post deals with, and had many views of the women who are disagreeing with this post. I finally began going to the LDS Addiction recovery program, and I now love my body. I began doing many of the things this woman has posted about. The spirit and working the program very hard brought me to many of the same conclusions. She is wonderful. Also, the program is wonderful and I am including a link to the manual that saved me here.
http://www.providentliving.org/familyservices/AddicitonRecoveryManual_36764000.pdf
Don't be afraid to read it.
http://www.providentliving.org/familyservices/AddicitonRecoveryManual_36764000.pdf
Sorry, it didn't all post- a link to the LDS Addiction Recovery Manual
Do it! It saved my life!
Well huh, it won't post it but it can be found on providentliving.org
what an awesome discourse on body perception this has kicked off - so excited for this year's healing theme, c. jane!
i think a careful reread of janna dean's post may be in order for some of us who instinctively say, "but diets DO work" etc. that was my first reaction, but on rereading what janna wrote, she doesn't ever say "so eat what you want and be as fat as you want and don't worry because you're beautiful."
there *is* a happy medium, i think: learn to love your body as it is, for what it is. that love will lead you to listen to it and care for it better. when your efforts to be healthy (not skinny) come from a place of self-love rather than self-hate, it is much easier to be successful with a heatlhy eating/exercise plan (as opposed to a diet, which sounds so regimented and negative).
thanks for starting this conversation and to all of you fine folks contributing to it!
You can love your body. You can accept yourself for who you are. I agree with this in many ways. Forget about "body image." The truth is we are all created in the image of God.
We are also stewards over these wonderful bodies of ours. We can do so much with them if we want to. We have to take care of them. Eating healthfully and exercising (even when you don't feel like it) are part of taking care of these amazing bodies we were trusted with.
I know both of these ladies personally and I think you all should listen to them. They are really smart and know what they are talking about!
Soooo looking forward to more of this!! Thank you!!
Love this. My #1 goal for myself this year is: "To Celebrate all that my body can do." It's my way to refocus my energy in to loving and appreciating my body rather than constantly trying to change it
Love. I have been thinking this for awhile, but it's always nice to feel like ideas are smart outside my own head!
I agree with many points in your post, however, I have to agree with other commenters. There are health risks, but I am not one to usually buy into the obesity hype on TV. I don't think that obesity is only addiction based, and I don't think that obesity is ruining our country or our world. Perhaps that's because I am considered obese...and always will be because the body ideal is based on something I'm not-- that many of us are not.
I think it is quite possible that we are obsessed with food, with body image, and the like-- and that's what is leading to our problems. I also think that the prevailing culture places emphasis on an unhealthy lifestyle-- working too hard, being stressed, fast food; and I can say from personal experience that this has led to my problems with weight...
Perhaps it would be better if our nation supported a lifestyle that allowed for nearly all individuals to make healthy choices (making time for healthy cooking and FUN exercise activities). I can't say for sure that this would work for everyone, but it has worked for me in the past 5 months. By taking more time to cook meals I love and go back to ballet (again, another love) I've lost 25 pounds. I did both because I enjoy them-- not because I am trying to lose copious amounts of weight or reach an ideal...
I started to cry when I read this! Now THIS is a "diet" I can follow... I feel myself losing a wee bit of my poor self-image already (and believe me, a poor self-image adds more "weight" than pounds do)! Thank you, CJane, for this marvelous series!
A few years ago Real Simple mag. asked about 5 writers to write on the meaning of "beauty." It was fascinating. One clearly resonated with me and I have blogged about it twice, talked about it in church, etc...It changed me. This lovely, older woman's article is a must read.
Her name is Anne Roiphe. The title is "My Late Husband's Words." It's sweet and I think any woman would find it an important read.
I agree 100 % that diets are terrible and end up ruining your life more than benefiting it. Remember the infamous Atkins diet? However, I feel that it is very important to maintain an healthy lifestyle in addition to everything that Janna Dean said. I agree with the notion of eating when you're hungry and stopping when you're full, but I also think that it's important to make sure that the food you put in your mouth is healthy food. Nothing extreme, but just fruits, veggies, whole grains, etc.
Also I would argue that regular exercise is an extremely important part of taking care of your mind, body and spirit. The world we live in now doesn't require us do to as much physical activity as it did for our ancestors and unless we make up for that, we will pay a price. Forget looking good in a pair of skinny jeans, being extremely overweight will kill you. What I'm trying to say is that yes I agree that our society is too focused on having the "perfect body" and we should never try to live up to that standard. It is important to take care of yourself and preserve your health by not dieting, but maintaining a healthy lifestyle. As Mormons, we are taught that our bodies are temples. I believe that we have an important spiritual obligation to take care of them.
Love it. I don't struggle with weight now however did suffer from a horrible eating disorder for years. Thankfully and only by the grace of God am I fully and completely healed of that (have had a healthy relationship with food now for well over 10 years). I do however remember those moments of complete dispair which although were generated by something much, much deeper were triggered by this body obsessed culture. Healing yourself on the inside is critical to healing yourself on the outside.
Thanks for running this series. I think it will be helpful for women in general.
I love this. Through December last year-- I really started to feel like I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. I hated it. I always judged myself in the mirror every morning, and it was always (almost) negative. Part of my New Years change is to become 100% comfortable in the body given to me. I will respect it, love it, and love the spirit in it. Or I'm definitely going to start tryin!
Thanks so much for this. Love it!
I totally agree. The problem is that people do diet but they still do NOT have the positive outlook. So you body might respond to the diet but It will be gained back because you have not changed the view of yourself. Have you ever heard the studies about people who talk to their plants and they grow better. But they give positive reinforcement? Its the same with us. if you workout and then get on the scale and say I look so gross your body will follow that line of thinking. I was trying to loose wieght one time and read about positive reinforcement and so every morning no matter how I felt or looked I looked in the mirror and said you look great! and I feel great. i for sure lost more weight!
The problem with the scale is that when you are working out most people start gaining muscle. When that happens you gain weight! So you can't really judge your shape therefore most people give up on there diet! You should just judge by your clothing.
I did not feel as though she was saying NOT to diet but don't call it that. Its a life change. You know whats healthy you don't need a book or video or anything to tell you that. make positive choices. Thanks for this article
This is a lovely post and apropos for me. My resolution is to focus on acceptance, kindness, gratitude, and getting healthy. <3
i love you blondie blonde, too. It suits you. (Hey, no pun intended, either!)
Okay, so my mom's words of wisdom, albeit disregarded at the time, were, "Stop saying, 'I'm fat.' It calls attention to yourself and someone might look at you and decide, by god, she IS fat. Which you aren't."
And I wasn't. And I wasted my teens and twenties thinking that I was and not wearing a bathing suit in boats or water skiing, when the person inside me yearned to do just that.
Why does it take growing up, and having to 'heal' to get past all this and by that time, the body we could have enjoyed is in the past?
I think it's important to note that Ms. Dean isn't saying not to eat healthfully - she's just saying that dieting as a mindset is destructive. The book "Women, Food and God" focuses on this theory as well and encourages women to focus on giving our bodies what they need and honoring them. It's a great message!
I am going to love this series! During the time I've been a leader of young women at church, I have been conscious of avoiding "fat talk" around the girls - the last thing teenage girls need a church leader modeling that it is okay to buy into the media's pressure to change our bodies' shapes and sizes. Now I need to apply that same ban on fat talk in all circumstances in my life. This year, I will mark the good things my body does for me each day, and honor the body I have been given. In honoring my body, I will instinctively make choices that keep me healthy and strong - without trying to eat or exercise out of a sense of guilt! What a beautiful, even spiritual concept!
I don't agree with everything that was written - However, I understand what you are trying to convey.
As someone who is severely obese I have about 1/2 my body weight to lose to even begin to be in the high end of the healthy range on weight for my height (180 lbs.) (And my healthy is not what society says is a good weight/size - it is what I have discussed with my physician as being a healthy weight/size for my height.)
I think that it is important to eliminate the 'fat talk' and to take control of our diet (what we are consuming - not to be confused with a diet) because it is important to treat our bodies well.
For myself, personally, the scale isn't something that I am tortured by - I weight myself each morning - always in a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt so that my clothing always weighs the same amount. Rather the scale has helped me celebrate that since September I am 20 lbs. closer to being healthy.
I think that the most important thing is to find what makes you happy and what makes you feel successful (not necessarily successful in weight loss or body image) but what makes you feel that you have lived successfully because you have given what you can to the world to make it a better, more positive place.
As women, we are so much more than a perfect body and a pretty face. I wish more women would realize this. Each woman is beautiful, especially when she's happy. We could change all the negative perceptions for good, if only we believe them ourselves.
These posts will be fantastic and steer women into believing in the right direction!
Bravo--and thank you both.
My sister in law has suffered from severe eating disorders for almost 20 years. While she now has a beautiful family and wonderful husband, she still suffers from the emotion/physical toll it has put on her. Her daily life is consumed by every bite she eats, every minute of her 2 hour daily workouts, and by the time she spends getting her self ready for the day. I love her, she does her best, but this awful disease not only hurts the person plagued with it, but those around them suffer greatly as well. We watch as they suffer, we are punished as the blame, we question our OWN body image as well. This is a very real and serious epidemic that is distroying beautiful people and beautiful families for very ugly reasons. I thank you for this post and the ones to come. Every woman (and man) needs to read all they can about it. I write annon to protect my sweet sister in law who also reads this blog. Thanks again...
Thank you Janna!(And Cjane.) What an UPLIFT! I will take some of these ideas to my yoga students. You rock, and now that I think of it, thank you, so do I!
I so very much appreciate this post. I feel like I have battled my body as long as I can remember. What is ironic to me is that my husband loves me (and my body) regardless of what size I am, and yet I struggle to even like it even when I am on the thinner side. I look forward to reading these posts in an effort to redefine my relationship with my body.
Some of these tips are very scary to me, as a person who has "dieted" and stared at a scale for many years. Big changes need to be made around here. I see the wisdom in everything she has to say. The real challenge will be to accept it and be brave enough to let go of the things that are so normal but so useless to me. Maybe I could just hide my scale until I am brave enough to throw it out. We'll start with that.
I love the suggestion to be a critical viewer of the media. Far too often we believe and internalize everything they send our way. People in marketing (particularly in the beauty, fashion, and health realms) don't really care about you, they care about you spending money so they can make some money. We buy the line they give about what we "need", spend the money on whatever will "fix" us, and when it doesn't work and we still don't look like the magazine cover, we feel poorly about ourselves and start the whole process over again. It would be wonderful to see some advertisements that were truly about encouraging people to be healthy and comfortable in their healthy skin that weren't pushing a product or a book.
Reading all these posts just confirms that Janna Dean needs to keep writing for you, and perhaps more often. MANY of you just don't get it (although you think you do). We just need to remember where we came from (or find out), remember who we are, and why we are here. Don't treat your body like it needs to be a perfect match to a perfect model...treat it as sacred and wonderful, and it will be.
not even going to read all the comments but how quickly women went straight to "oh but diets work" and "but obesity is a problem"
sigh.
I get it.
thanks again C Jane
I've known Janna for a long time. I've never walked away from a discussion with her in which I didn't feel absolutely beautiful. Thanks for sharing this with others!
First off I find it interesting that the two adds on the side of this blog were for Jimmy Dean D-lights and Reebok Easytone Shoes with a picture of a lady wearing tiny shorts to accentuate her toned legs. Hmmmm.
I find what you wrote interesting and true on many levels. Your suggestions are great. I would like to know how to find the balance of health and body image without it taking over my thoughts. I feel best when I am maintaining a healthy weight, exercising and eating well and I feel like I should do those things in order to honor my body. And be a healthy, happy mom and wife. I am happier when I am taking care of myself. And it is not a false happiness. If I have an extra 10lbs and I am eating crap, I feel like crap. It is more about lifestyle then diet. I do still feel like it can take over too many of my thoughts when I am really trying to be healthy and it is on that fine line between being healthy and turning into a disorder. How do you exercise, eat healthy without being too obsessive about it? Honestly if I am not obsessive about it then it doesn't last.
For your consideration:
http://www.livingthenourishedlife.com/2010/12/does-obesity-really-kill.html
Wonderful!
This has been my constant battle. I'm in therapy right now and trying to overcome this.
I am someone who is obese. I do want to lose weight desperately because my knees ache and I don't feel healthy, but weight loss will never stick until I am able to love myself for who I am an not my size or number on the scale.
I totally agree with everything Janna has said. Obesity is a problem because body image is a problem. I know plenty of people who eat crappy food all the day long and drink soda and they are skinny as a rail.
We need to learn to be good to ourselves and our bodies and they will be good to us.
My mother in-law told me a couple weeks ago that diets do not work and it's true, we completely change our eating habits and it's not US, so it fails! It is important to eat healthy, but not ridiculously.
You are such an inspiration to me, I love reading your blog!
I am trying to accept my body, especially after having my daughter. The curves decided to stay while all my other 22 year old friends shrunk back down to a size 0. So learning to accept my body is something I would love to have in this new year!
I loved this post. I liked her advice to "say something positive about yourself everyday." I also think it's good for our daughters to hear this. As women, we need to realize the pattern of self destructive behavior that our daughters are witnessing in their mothers and will emulate themselves unless we discover a realistic perception of who we REALLY are and not care so much about what people tell us we should be. I also think it's a good practice to express appreciation for the beautiful and AMAZING things are bodies can DO for us and others, not just what they look like on the outside. That alone deserves a good dose of healthy self love. As for those who truly struggle with "obesity", I still think the points outlined in this post will help them in their journey to a healthier way of life...not just a smaller number on a scale. This post has merit for everyone.
I can't wait to read more. This has always been my philosphy. Glad to hear someone else
concur finally!!
I find this article about body image to be compelling...the readers' comments also captivating. I certainly struggle in my attempts toward attaining the perfect balance of body and life, and cycle through periods of self-deprivation or excess. I can safely deduce that I am the most pleased when I reveal strength. Strength of mind, strength of body, strength of choice--including the strength to choose certain indulgences, and be absolutely pleased with my choice. A resolution I have for 2011 is to reveal my strengths.
I so need this...as I struggle daily with my body image, especially after baby, and as I wonder how I can raise a little girl to overcome the falsehoods in today's society, while being very affected by them myself. I loved this part, particularly, the most: "You can choose a battle that will help you achieve the self esteem and acceptance you are craving. For me and my life, I choose to battle the cultural lies instead of struggling against myself." I am so looking forward to this series. Thank you, thank you, for providing this.
A positive attitude is the result of hard work; physically, emotionally and spiritually. These 3 MUST be in balance. THIS 2 SIDED POST IS UNREALISTIC! I feel most positive about my life and appearance when I am in control of what goes in my mouth and my daily exercise. I feel the least positive about myself when I pretend my overweight 185LB self is just fine and I will eat one more snack. You can say to yourself all day long that you are beautiful, but overeating just one meal trumps all those words and thoughts.
Hi C.Jane! I have been a silent follower for a while now, but had to comment on this. For Christmas my best friend introduced me to this website, http://operationbeautiful.com/ and got me the book that corresponds with the website. It really is amazig and liberating. Everyone is beautiful, everyone!
Happy Wednesday!
I agree with Jenni... very interesting ads going on in the sidebar. Ironic. :)
I LOVE your new picture! You's a hottie! xo
I feel like I pay too much attention--and always will-- to what other people think of me. It's great if I make a list of how I am beautiful and read it to myself everyday in the peace of my home. But eventually, I see other people--at the store, at the mall, on a walk, at a friend's Christmas party. And even if you are slowly changing your attitude about image, the rest of the world isn't. So there you are, back to thinking what the world thinks of you.
incredible and timely thoughts
I especially love the idea of writing down 3 things that your body did for you every day. As someone learning to deal with debility due to a new disease, I have to remind myself of what my body CAN do, not what it is no longer is able.
It's not about a diet, or a "lifestyle change" (anyone else hate that term?). It's not worrying and stressing about what and how much and how often. It's respecting this body God gave you and treating it kindly. You will feel and look better when you do.
Thanks Janna Dean!
I really like this post. I just wanted to share this, because this post really brought this to the forefront of my mind.
My mom suffers from congestive heart failure. She is 54. When I was pregnant with my first born she had to undergo a valve replacement. Her surgeon walked into the waiting with the valve they had just replaced, it looked like a rubber band that had lost it's elasticity. He was blunt with us about how her health has been affected by her lifestyle choices. He also gave us a word of warning about future consequences she would probably suffer if things didn't change.
It is hard not having the ability go on a shopping trips with my mom because she gets out of breath walking across a parking lot. She can't go on walks or participate in other fun activities with our family. I worry about leaving my kids with her because I know that she can't physically keep up with them. She is missing out on so much.
Graduation ceremonies are difficult for her to attend because of the stairs and the fact she is now on oxygen because her lungs are failing.
My husband received his PhD recently and walking to our stadium seating was a huge task for her.
There are psychological issues at play, I realize that. My mom has a negative view of herself and I think that ends up showing up through her eating and failure to take proper care of her body.
I've pleaded with her to get counseling to no avail. She is stuck in believing if she just joins Weight Watchers for the 300th time something will happen. Of course it works for a little while, but her bad habits eventually come back...again.
She just won't face the real issues...whatever they are.
Thanks for the post. It brought to mind that the first step in making positive changes in our lives is admitting there is a problem and realizing that we are not complete failures as a result.
yes. i have know this for years, and have eliminated "fat talk" since my nieces and daughter have been born...yet i fail to LIVE it inside my head. i'll keep trying. thank you!
FINALLY! and this is the first time i've ever commented here.
I grew up very thin and was reminded of it every day by either family or someone in the community and it devastated me. I spent decades trying to gain weight just to be invisible and at the age of 30 I am thankful that my body fought me to stay in its natural state. It was only through my college education that I learned how destructive constant diet, weight and body hate discussions amongst women are to younger girls. And now when I hear the women in my family discussing their weight or their preteen daughter's I use my voice to stop this ridiculousness.
Thank you. I have been learning to make make peace with my body through recovery of an eating disorder. It is nice to have something positive written. :)
I believe in intuitive eating ... which is what this sounds like. It is the celestial law and I'm not even close to being able to live it. I've got too many emotional issues that I need to deal with before I can reach the terrestrial law. I believe, I struggle to live.
I am totally digging Janna Dean. Such a true and inspiring blog post. And I love the alternative resolutions. I am definitely looking forward to more 'Healing the Body Image' posts.
Just great! Thank you so much.
I agree on many levels. But sometimes in our rush to say we should accept our bodies no matter what, I think we miss something. It shouldn’t be about skinny, it should be about healthy. Healthy is not being excessively thin, nor does it include being overweight. “Healthy” is making choices to eat right and exercise to keep your body in the health, way, shape and form God intended for it. The fact is, obesity puts you at risk for heart disease, cancer, diabetes, etc., etc., etc. So does eating oreos all day long, even if you’re considered “skinny.” I make the choice every day to try to eat healthy, or to sacrifice my time to exercise, not because I am obsessed with my perfect figure (because I definitely don’t have one), but instead because I want to live a long, healthy life full of service to God and to others. When I do that, I feel more at peace with my body. It’s easier for me to love it when I take good care of it.
I recently had a powerful personal insight while I was going about my day a few weeks ago. I was bent over in my bathroom blow drying my hair, when a scripture came to my mind. I went and looked it up and read:
"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."
(Ephesians 6:12)
The insight that came, was the realization that our Father in Heaven, the God who created us, never intended for us to battle against our own bodies like so many of us do. There IS an adversary, and he is our only real enemy. It makes sense that he would work so hard to shift our focus off the the battle with him and onto something else, like our bodies and our weight, among other things.
Yes, we have a responsibility to take care of our body, and we should take this very seriously, but it should not occupy the majority of our thoughts and focus.
As women, we have great potential to move the world in good ways. If we are going to battle for something it should be for our families. For morality, freedom, goodness and truth, because who is going to teach our children, fight for their future, and show them how to love themselves when we are so focused on how much we weigh?
I am choosing to quit the battle with my body, and instead of treating it with disdain, care for it in a spirit of love and respect! I am working to take the power away from food, and put it in its proper place.
If anyone is interested there is an upcoming 12 week challenge that helps us focus on releasing our emotional weight, which will surely help us release our physical weight as well.
It starts soon! Go to http://www.cherieburton.com and on the side bar click on the Spiritual Eating 12 week challenge!
Thanks for discussing this C. Jane!
Thank you for this series. I read your blog everyday and like your insight. Thank you for allowing others to share theirs with us too. Happy New Year!
Sincerely,
Patti H. (Livonia, Michigan)
When we made a move out of state for my husband to attend graduate school, two unexpected things happened:
1. I lost my scale in the move.
2. We decided not to get regular cable TV. We use Apple TV instead (where you have to purchase individual episodes).
I haven't weighed myself or watched a commercial or senseless TV show in almost 2 years. And it has made a huge difference in how I feel about myself. Things changed really without my realization. Because of our budget, as well, I haven't been to a salon in a while, which means I no longer stare at degrading magazines. Because of my busy mom schedule, I spend less time surfing the web only to find demoralizing ads and content about women and weight. It's been kind of miraculous. I am really happy with the unexpected changes. I plan to keep them even when we are post-student status!
Thanks for this great post. Great idea with no more "fat talk." I grew up with a mother who never talked down about herself and body. I hope I can do the same around my daughter.
My "diet" includes:
• Everything in moderation
• Make healthy meal decisions overall
• Indulge a little once a day :)
I agree and disagree with this post. I agree with the thought that we should not be slaves to the cultural media about how our bodies "should" look. I agree with the thought of being healthy emotionally by not focusing everything on our weight and appearance.
But I completely disagree that we should "throw away our scales" and not "diet". Being physically healthy is important and eating right and exercising are a HUGE part of that. Fad diets are harmful and yes, rarely work long term. But learning to make healthy eating choices and eating in moderation IS successful and can make a ALL the difference in how you live your life. Do you want to be able to run and play with your kids/grandkids? Do you want to be mobile and active in old age? All of this depends on how we treat our bodies and what we FEED our bodies.
In short, not sure how I feel about this post and how it may just give people an "excuse" to not make healthy changes in their lives.
I am loving all the comments but I think Steff's is the best yet.
as I have spent most of the day thinking about this post, I keep having the thought that although the suggestions are good they are not a magic bullet either. Just because you think happy thoughts doesn't mean everything is okay. Just because you think something does not mean you do them. All is not well in Zion. If you have ever seen the devastating effects of obesity up close and personal it seems kind of belittling to say, "Oh just change your way of thinking and all will be well". I am all for positive thinking but let's not be unrealistic about the fact that many of us, for whatever reason, have a hard road ahead of us as we not just battle for our emotional and spiritual health, but our physical health as well.
Thank you CJane, this post had perfect timing for me. I have been struggling in this area for the past 2 years since having my last baby and just realized in the last few months that it is all about loving myself and working from the inside first. I can't wait to share your post with my co-workers who also share my struggles. Weight and dieting has become a daily conversation for us at lunch!
I love your blog and check it everyday, you and Nie Nie are so awesome! :)
This is a beautiful post! Thank you! I completely agree with Janna's view! If we would just simply take care of ourselves and throw our major efforts into things that can actually make us grow and feel good about ourselves, I truly feel that we would be more "whole" and "happy" and "accepting" of ourselves!
Cjane: I so love reading your words, and those of your guests!
I just want to say that if one is pursuing health and healthful eating, that is the most important thing. God made us in all shapes and sizes.
I have congestive heart failure and am quite thin now (all my calories go to getting oxygen into my body). It goes the other way too. While I get more disabled and lose weight, I get more and more comments like how can I use the handicap parking sticker on my van (when I drop my son off at school- I get out of breath walking him to the school) when I am so thin and look so "healthy"? Somehow we have equated thinness with health and that is not the case at all.
We should be eating healthy and thinking about sustaining our body so that we can see our kids, grandkids and great grandkids grow up. I like Michael Polan's In Defense of Food: "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants."
There were alot of positive points made in the post, but unfortunately, I think some credibility was lost in the summary. Any worthy goal requires effort and sweat (literal and figurative). If exercise were only done when it felt good, there would be an awful lot of inactivity out there. I generally feel the very best about myself and my not so perfect body after a really intense workout when my muscles are sore and I am gasping for breath. Not only do I appreciate the knowledge that my heart and arteries thank me, but it makes me feel strong and powerful and like my body can do whatever I need it to do. I think this post does a disservice by implying that one should only exercise if it feels good, bascially if it is easy.
I am excited to read this series. I identify with what you said, that I weigh myself daily...if I lose I feel encouraged, if I gain I feel bad.
However, I do want to be healthy and I do believe I need to lose 10 more pounds to be at a healthy weight. I am not trying to look like a super model. To reach tuis goal I need to count calories and exercise daily.
Is this post meant to say I should stop trying? Or will I find my answers in the " rest of the story?" I am interested to read on.
I agree 100% about the unrealistic expectations in the media and about avoiding fad diets that don't help. However, I don't think it is healthy to completely disregard the state of my body or what I put in my mouth. Yes, I think I am pretty and no, I don't think I am fat but I do carry extra weight in my tummy region which puts me at increased risk for heart disease. That is serious, and I am not even "overweight" according to my BMI. If I truly respect myself, I should respect my body the same way and work to make it as healthy as it can be. The nutritionist at my college taught me that "diet" is not a dirty word. Everyone has an individual diet that is healthy for them- it involves listening to your body about when to eat and when to stop, making sure you have a balance of food groups, etc. It is not healthy to completely ignore your weight and your diet.
I love the new ideas and look of this blog. I am eager to read more and more of it. Congrats, CJane, for the new orientation. I simply love it.
This is excellent advise,especially for a the new year when people are focusing on how much they do not like their bodies.
However, I do think having goals to attain a healthy lifestyle and taking care of your body, is a worthwhile goal that can also be part of the idea of healing and accepting your body.
Being healthy in eating habits and exercising can bring lifted spirits and can be key for some people in coping with difficult times and in healing for many struggling with depression. It is a biological fact that the body needs healthy food and exercise in order to bring health to the mind as well as long-term physical health.
It seems that participating in fad diets and extreme exercise in an effort to find self esteem as well as eating poorly and ignoring the need to exercise bring about the same result emotionally.
I think I may have commented once in the past, I can't remember. Just a note to say how dang charming I find you. And witty. And original. And talented. All the things that normally make me feel jealous (I know...another thing on my list of resolutions...."Don't feel jealous.") But you have that unusual ability to leave people feeling empowered, not inadequate. Good writing is a tool to bring people together, to communicate, to share, to think. And you my dear are not just good writer. You are a great one.
A fan,
Meghan
I believe that it's important to recognize that our bodies are wonderful God-given homes for our spirits to reside, and that we should love and care for them. We each need to make that a daily goal, and too many of us ignore and abuse our bodies. I agree that society places too much pressure on women to be thin, but I also agree that too many people are in denial about how much they've neglected their bodies by eating too much and moving too little. I've been weighing myself a couple times a month for many, many years (and I write it down on a little pad I keep in my bathroom closet) and whenever I creep 5 or 6 pounds up I adjust my choices so that I don't have many pounds to lose. I also don't buy bigger clothes--too easy to do. Acccountability to a scale and clothing is an easy barometer, and does not lie. Those who weigh themselves a couple of times a day no doubt have deeper issues, but to say to throw away these "tools" is exactaly why I believe too many wake up one day and wonder how they magically gained 20 pounds. Also, naturally, exercise (and it doesn't have to be intense) needs to be a part of our lifestyle. I appreciate your view, knowledge, and expertise in the area of anorexia, bulimia, etc., but for those of us who aren't fighting that battle, the key is self-honesty, accountability and the proven advice of "eat less and move more." In our country today it is a health problem, not just an image problem. We can't ignore that.
YES!! I'm going to e-mail this post to everyone I know. (I hope that's okay with you.)
I have already commented once but there is something here that is REALLY bothering me. Why do healthy eating, exercise, and scales have to go hand in hand? So many comments are against throwing away their scales, but if we are TRUELY eating healthy and exercising regularly WE DON'T NEED A SCALE TO CONFIRM IT!. If you keep it up long enough, you will feel and look good inside AND out, and you won't feel the dissapointment (and admit it...feelings of FAILURE), for not loosing as much as you want as fast as you want, or for not maintainting what you have perfectly (noone is perfect). Such denial here...
BTW, I am NOT obese, NOT a size 2. I am a mother of 3, soon to be 5. I am a avid runner and try to eat as healthy as I can. It is not that hard to maintain myself at what God intended to be a healthy weight. I just do what is my true best not what others say is my best.
Thank you, C. Jane and Janna!
I'm going to share this with everyone I can! Everyone can benefit!
And also thank you for being such an inspiration over the past year (since I've started following). It's been amazing to follow the story of you and your family. You all have given me such hope and joy in life when I thought there was none.
Thank you. :)
I, like other commenters, agree and disagree. I agree that the media tries to set a standard for beauty, and we should challenge this. I agree that healthy is better than thin. I agree that we should learn to love ourselves. But I disagree that weight is not important because weight is so closely related to health. I disagree that "diets don't work." I lost 25 pounds last year just by counting calories and holding myself accountable for what I put in my mouth. Half of my battle was quitting soda. I believe most weight problems are due to lack of self-control, or laziness. I do agree that there are people out there that have other issues and cannot lose weight due to meds, addiction, chemical imbalances, etc. But for most people, it's about loving yourself enough to have the willpower to eat less/healthier and the effort to do some exercising.
Since I lost those extra pounds, I LIKE what I see in the mirror. I celebrate the lack of muffin top. I enjoy shopping for smaller sizes. It makes me feel happy and beautiful. Not because the media told me so. But because I feel it.
If we don't like something, we're supposed to change it. And no matter how much you attempt to brainwash yourself, you will never look in the mirror and LOVE those extra pounds.
Every January I do sugar free january. yeah, it'd be nice to lose a few pounds (not talking about weight/calories/diets will be a good goal for me this year) but overrall, i think my self image is mostly marred from my lack of self control. if i knew i was eating the way i should (eating good foods, good amounts and not freaky diets) and getting the exersize i know i should, i would gladly accept who i am. but when i'm over eating and not exersizing i do feel horrible becuase i know i'm not doing my part to help out my God given self. i like to think of it as the all things in moderation diet.
i love your ideas. i remember one time watching the biggest loser and having one of the trainers say something like 'choose one day to eat a piece of dessert' and i was like, 'uh, one day? just a piece? HA!' i guess if i wanted to look like them and put in the energy it took to look like that i would do that but i don't and that's ok, i just want to know i'm doing my best to do what i know i should.
that was long. :)
Looking forward to the monthly posts!
I must say that this is the most flattering picture of you! You look sexy and smart.--A great combination!!
There is a certain percentage of a marathon that does not feel good, in fact, the last few miles my body pleads with me to stop. But oh my goodness, does it ever make me feel good about myself andvmy body. If I stopped exercising when it didn't feel good any more I would miss out on the awesome reward sacrifice brings.
I completely agree with Janna about the need for self-acceptance. I think a lot of ladies who are commenting here are misunderstanding what "self-acceptance" means. It doesn't mean complacency about health-related issues--whether physical, emotional or spiritual health. What it does mean is seeking after and obtaining a deep understanding and acceptance of exactly who we are, what makes us tick--strengths, weaknesses, warts and all. When we have that loving acceptance of ourselves which is balanced by humility and confidence, we are empowered to make positive changes--to repent, if you will--and become our best possible selves. But lasting change is only possible if the journey to self-acceptance is a spiritual one; physical transformation (such as losing weight) is only a small component of the equation. If we miss the emotional and spiritual transformation, any physical changes won't be lasting, because we won't have the deeper foundation to support them.
I don't think Janna is prescribing a one size fits all solution (no pun intended) for reaching and maintaining a healthy weight. At the risk of oversimplifying, I think she's saying what is really unhealthy is when a person becomes obsessed about their weight (whether they are overweight, underweight, or even at a healthy weight) and their obsession is translated to unhealthy behaviors. The behaviors (excessive eating or exercising, bingeing, purging, or negative self-talk) are merely a symptom of the underlying problem--which is really the obsession itself.
People get obsessed about weight for a lot of different reasons, just as they gain weight for many reasons. Some of us struggle with chemical issues which cause us to gain weight, some with lack of will-power, and some with full-blown addiction. In light of that, different solutions will work for different people, depending on their specific needs. Please, don't judge others' challenges because you may eat (or not eat) for different reasons than they do, and are therefore not able to truly sympathize. When you judge, you contribute to the problem. What you can do is empathize by saying, "I've never experienced what you're describing, but I recognize you are struggling, and I want to support you."
As someone who has wrestled with food addiction my entire adult life, I'm grateful to have finally begun recovery and to be finding acceptance for both myself and everyone around me. Healing is a journey, one we can only accomplish through the grace of the Savior. Thankfully, that journey moves forward one day at a time, and each day I can find peace when I ask for His help to make good choices and do His will for that day.
chicklegirl-
That was a beautiful post.
Thanks CJane for having Janna post.
I would love to hear her feedback/response to what some have said in this forum.
I really love your theme this year, and I love reading the thoughts and opinions of your readers.
Oh yes, and I love your hair.
THANK GOD!! And C.Jane and Janna too!! I am absolutely thrilled you willl be doing this series, Janna and so happy C. Jane is yet again using her blog to minister to others.
I have struggled with weight from mid adolescence on. A therapist told me that being sexually abused for many years has contributed to the weight. Would LOVE to hear Janna's opinion on that issue!
But my point is, I REALLY need to find a solution --and support even if only thru cyberspace. Yet again this New Year I made my resolution to lose weight. I have failed or given up multiple times. I don't want to fail anymore. I have consulted with a surgeon re: gastric bypass surgery but it terrifies me. And yet I can no longer allow this weight to bury me alive. Keep the posts coming, Janna and Courtney! Lori
Love this post. Just what I needed to hear right now. I just had a baby last month and was "fat talking" about myself. I shouldn't even think that way because I have a beauitufl little boy that I created. Anyway, thanks again.
Sorry about the gratuitous deleted posts. For some reason my browser was telling my comment wasn't being posted. OOPS.
The body is an amazing thing, whether starving it or over feeding it, it endures. All my life I have spent losing and gaining. Add to that a kidney transplant and the unimaginable amount of drugs and Immune suppression that comes with a transplant, now in my mid 30's starting on dialysis for the first time. I see first hand how it endures. How it wants to heal every other morning when I step off the machine and run home to take care of my two very young girls. Yes, I want to be the one that rules over my body by listening to the professionals. And while for clear reasons I do listen to and obey their advise on mineral intake ( since I am now learning how to be the master chemist ) I still make it a point to listen to my body, the one thats sole purpose is to heal. For example I had no idea I had an allergy to pesticides until I listened to the 30+ years of migraines that stopped once I switched my food over. So yes, i liked this article, I liked that the point was to just listen alongside the doctors. After all, they really can't hear what my body says as well as me. :)
FOR the women who are saying that you can never love the extra pounds: yes, you can, and loving them doesn't mean clinging to them.
I was very skinny as a child. When I hit puberty, my body changed shape, still slim but with some curves. I developed an eating disorder. I battled that disorder on and off for years. Then I got very ill: my thyroid stopped functioning at the same time as I hit a terrible breakdown and was put on some very strong medication. Between the thyroid, the breakdown and the medication, I gained a huge amount of weight. It was terrifying for someone who was already seeing their self-worth determined by their weight. Eventually, the thyroid problem was treated, I recovered from the breakdown, and stopped needing the medication. I lost a little bit of the weight.
I eventually lost almost all of the weight I'd gained, but that didn't even start until I'd learned to stop hating my body, and started loving it as it was. I didn't diet. I didn't keep a scale at home. I learned to listen to what my body needed instead of trying to control it.
Different people have different weights at which they are most healthy. Often, it's the food and exercise that determine the level of health whether or not the person is "normal", "overweight" or "obese". Love your body for what it is right now, and it becomes easier to take good care of it. You may find this means you lose weight. You may find you stay the same or even gain. Maybe that's what your body was meant to be.
Cait
This could not have come at a better time! I've never had a problem with my body until this pregnancy (my first) and my confidence and self esteem diminishes with each stretch mark and weight check at the doctors and I have been hard on myself because of it. This last Sundays lesson was on "having a good relationship with yourself" and this post helped to reinforce that message. Looking forward to more posts!!!
I love this new series you are starting! LOVE! what's interesting is that reading through the suggestions for changing your outlook I found myself really uncomfortable. Like "Can I really give up the scale?!?" clearly I need help! Thank you for fighting the billboards, the ads, the insanity.
Great ideas! The mental side of weight loss is the hardest part.
Cool post. Thanks. If you are really overweight you have to diet. But a fad diet, I think not. It is called a lifestyle change. It is learning to respect your body, that is what I heard. If you are really overweight you are not recpecting your body. Nor are you respecting your body if you beat yourself up everyday.
Like it.
I agree with what you are saying. But I do have to say as someone in the fitness profession that not only should you eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full but you should be very mindful of what you are taking into your body. If you are eating junk, you will feel like junk. And exercise is so important to staying healthy, it doesn't matter how you feel about your self if you are dead because you didn't take care of yourself with much needed exercise. Overall I agree with your point that we need to take emphasis off of trying to live up to the standard the media is telling us to live up to, but we also need to take care of ourselves with proper eating and proper exercise, maybe you will be getting to that in another post.
Wow...to not talk weight, calories, fat, anything will be a challenge...but a good one! Thank you so much for this post. I'm having my husband read this post also. We are working on being a better team and this will benefit our children so much.
One more thought...I agree DIETS don't work. Eating healthy and exercising does. That isn't dieting...that is living and making good choices! We try to teach our children that the right food is fuel for their body...especially our 13 year old daughter who watch so many girls not eat at lunch because they want to stay thin. We talk a lot about healhty fuel foods and she loves that!
We also have a list of healthy non-belly fat foods that she loves choosing snacks from!
yaaay, janna! so glad you're here! love your thoughts - so what i'm thinking to myself, so THANKS for the back up!!
not sure i'm ready to give up my scale, but you've really got me thinking about it :)
can't wait to hear more...
I skimmed the entire comment section, to my glee I found no yucky ones HURRAH!
I am naturally slim, but am a recovering drug addict/alcoholic. We all have issues to deal with.
Maybe I should share this article at my prenatal appointment on Friday. My doctor likes to give me a hard time about how fat I am. But I'm not so fat that I can't produce beautiful, healthy children. Score one for my body!
My thought is that people go on diets because of hate. They hate themselves, they hate their lack of control, they hate their bodies, they hate what they think other see in them...hate hate hate! I think if people go into a new way of eating and acting because of LOVE then they will see a healthy outcome. If they love themselves, their imperfect bodies etc. then they will just naturally eat in a way that nourishes them.
One strong piece of advice: throw away all beauty magazines! They suck self-esteem from you.
This post was wonderful.
I cried while reading this post. Thanks for reminding me that the world's views are not my views. I am grateful for a body that allows me to do ALL the things I desire, like finishing my first marathon last October. My body is an amazing gift and remembering it as such will be something to do this year.
Thank you so much for doing this series! I am looking forward to hearing more on the topic of body image. I believe our entire society needs healing when it comes to our perceptions of what is beautiful and desirable for a woman's body. Everyday I work with people who have broken bodies. It makes me grateful for my own capable body despite it's imperfections (and what's wrong with imperfection!?). If we could all shift our focus to being as healthy as possible instead of as thin as possible, problems like obesity would improve!
Thank you! I can totally relate to this post. This year I hope I can realize my self worth has nothing to do with the number on the scale. : )
When I was younger I had an eating disorder and also over-exercised. Although I was never heavy I was completely obsessed with weight and food...thought about it constantly and was very depressed. I am fortunate to not have this problem at all anymore (many years later), and a pivotal change came for me when I spent a number of months living with a family in southern Europe and experienced just how differently they view food, meal times and the body in general. It affected me tremendously. Of course, getting over an eating disorder isn't that easy, and it was a gradual change, but truly I do feel that removing myself from our body and food obsessed culture had a huge impact. Now I eat whatever I want, but only when I'm hungry and only until I'm full. The crazy thing about all of this is that when I stopped obsessing and restricting and just LET IT GO my weight hardly even changed. It was such a waste of energy for me and it was like being released from a type of prison.
All of that said however, I do think we have a major problem with junk food in North America and that as a society we need to do something about this. Everything in moderation is fine, but unfortunately many many people are literally killing themselves by consuming nothing but junk. Self acceptance is so critical, but so too is a basic understanding of nutrition and health. I don't believe in diets but I do believe in eating real food and a balanced diet.
I loved this post and it really resonated with me. My husband and I have both struggled with poor body image and purposefully limiting our food intake to stay a certain weight or look a certain way. My husband suffered more than me trying to not be "the chubby kid" in school and hearing him talk about his feelings of poor self esteem breaks my heart. We have had many talks about how we want to live and take care of ourselves as well as how to teach our children about weight and being healthy. I think this post is a great start to get the right ideas in your head about how you should view yourself and to not worry about image. But instead to focus on your self-worth and helping your body to BE healthy instead of LOOKING skinny. The idea about trusting your body and following your instincts is definitely something me and my husband have found works for us to keep us on the right track. I am excited for this series because I know it will be a huge help to me and my own family to teach us more about loving ourselves instead of hating. Thank you for sharing with us!
I too, agree with Jen. While this post is great for self esteem, it does't seem to me like we should get too extreme and throw our scales out the window.
I have a family history (on both sides) with hypoglycemia and diabetes. I have an uncle who has been officially diagnosed with hypoglycemia and he has been able to keep it under control with a balanced diet and exercise. He seriously hikes mountains at least once a week and he is 40 years old!
I had my first baby 2 years ago this month, and I STILL am trying to feel healthy again. I will never throw away my scle because I am determined to never let myself get to far.
If we are determined, and truly change the lifestyles that we live, we will be happier with our bodies and that extra weight we are trying to loose will melt off!
Unfortunately, the foods we eat in now are usually processed and NOT GOOD for our bodies. Pay attention to how we feel after a meal, or snack. The scale should only be used to confirm those feelings and hopefully it just drives us to eat healthier!
I have struggled with body issues and self image my entire life. And it's hard. It's debilitating. It's exhausting.
I'm only 34 years old and obsessed with being OLD. It's ridiculous. I have been told I'm pretty all my life (not trying to brag) and because of that I feel I am nothing without my looks. That I will be nothing once they fade.
Like, without my pretty, I have no definition.
Even though I am a wife, a mother to two beautiful little girls, a Christian, a full-time worker, a friend, a daugther, a sister. Everything about my looks seem to define who I am to me.
I'm tired of letting it control me.
So this year, I decided to focus on healthy. Get back to feeling healthy. Change the things I can. Accept what I cannot change.
And boy, is it hard.
Aging is a part of life. It doesn't define anyone.
I have never seen what anyone else sees in me. I never got past the looks.
I'm looking forward to getting to know me.
Good luck to you all! :)
My name is Dalene and I do not own a bathroom scale. Haven't for years. And I am at peace with that.
Great post--thank you!
It seems like a lot of people are ignoring the part where she said to honor your body, eat when you're hungry, and stop when you're full. I also thing that by "diet," she means fad diets like Atkins and SOuth beach, the Cookie Diet and the Cabbage Diet. Eating healthfully and being reasonably active don't constitute a diet.
Looking forward to this guest post! This subject is overlooked quite often I believe!
Janna Dean Rocks!!!
A True Healer
I stumbled across your blog a couple of years ago and have been a loyal reader ever since. Like many others that have commented, this is my first time leaving a comment :) It feels a bit liberating, like I'm out of the closet, no longer lurking in cyberspace to see what else Cjane has to say. I love that you are doing a monthly series on body image. And, I love that she is a LCSW, since I am a social worker myself and think our profession is awesome! I feel very passionate about the subject of body image and even wrote my Master's thesis about it, particulary about body image among Latina adolescents. In any case, I love your blog. I read it daily. I look forward to it. So thank you, Cjane!
Great comments and a post that has us all thinking. I wasn't going to comment, but the more I thought about it, I needed to share my two cents.
Before we throw out our scales, I think we need to throw out our chips, treats, and unhealthy and calorie laden drinks.
Here are some tried and true tips that have helped me feel great and maintain a healthy body weight. I am convinced it is the unhealthy, man-tampered with things that cause us to be over weight.
Eat three meals a day (no skipping meals) and two snacks.
Drink water — lots of it. Curb your coffee, alcohol and juice intake, if not eliminating them altogether.
Focus on whole natural foods, including fresh fruit, vegetables and lean proteins.
Stay away, as much as possible, from man-made foods.
Pack healthy snacks when you’re going to be on the go (nuts, low-fat yogurt, and fresh fruit, for example).
Scales are just for monitoring--once a day, once a week, or once a month, just to make sure you are on track.
In health!
LOVE this article! I had an eating disorder in college and have struggled with accepting my body and dieting since then. I so relate to the idea that I am happy when I deprive myself and unhappy when I feel fat or indulge. This year the goal is to love me and all my body CAN do. I think about your sister, Stephanie, and how she was unable to do simple things for so long and how blessed I am to be able to walk with my family, bathe them, cook for them, etc. I want to focus on the good and I'm pretty sure that will cause a chain reaction in my life. BTW Did you see the abc special last night on celebrity diets?? Made me think of this article and how crazy it is that we all try to look like the celebs when they don't even look like the people on the magazine covers!
I was so happy to read this post.
I grew up in a house where "fat talk" was the norm. My mom's weight went from the 300's to the 100's on a yearly basis. She has tried every surgery, diet, exercise program out there, and whether she weighs 150 or 310, she still remains horribly unhappy.
Lucky for me to grow up in this house and realize that your weight doesn't make you happy. Unfortunately, though. 2 of my 3 sisters have not quite come to that conclusion.
I am so proud of my body. It has created 2 beautiful baby girls (I have stretch marks to prove it, and i wear them proudly!) It has done me good in my years and I absolutely adore it. I am a perfectly curvy, dimpled, marked up mother and wife and I wouldn't have it any other way. My goal is to help my two daughters feel the same way.
Glad to know someone else has my same point of view :)
THANK YOU!!! I have been SO hard on myself for the last year regarding my body and my self-image. I need to really take to heart what this says. My husband loves me just as I am - curves, dimples and all. I need to look at myself the way HE does, rather than the way my trainer and the rest of society do. I can't tell you how much this resonated with me, and how much I appreciate it. Thank you.
Great thoughts! The only thing I would add is that in addition to honoring our bodies by eating when we are hungry and stopping when we are full, is to care more about WHAT you are eating when you are hungry. Learning the basics of nutrition and how to feed yourself and your family properly are so empowering!
Years ago I read a book entitled, When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies: Freeing Yourself from Food and Weight Obsession by Jane R. Hirschmann in which she recommends virtually identical steps.
It changed my life so much for the better. You will not believe how often you think or speak badly of your body when you first start this. It makes other people uncomfortable when you don't join in with the dieting talk and so on. But it is so very worth it.
I look back on how I used to treat myself and it makes me sad. I'm just thankful I found out about this when I did, in time to spare my child and to be so much kinder to myself and my beautiful body.
Trust me on this one...throw out the scales!
Your clothes will get tighter when your weight changes. There is absolutely no need to know your weight down to the pound. It just makes you a slave to a number. It's not healthy.
I have to add that it is so wonderful having the comments back. It's felt like something big and important was missing and now it's so obvious to me that it was the wise, warm voices of the community.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. What a wonderful post! I cannot tell how wieght loss rules my life and I hate it! Thank you for a new perspective
I appreciate you trying to address these issues. I've been fat and thin and am currently the heaviest I've ever been and the happiest I've ever been. Don't want to be heavy though, it's not healthy. Point is that I've learned over the years that weight does not equate with happiness - but focus on body image keeps that misconception alive. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, other than it's a complicated topic.
Have you ever written a retrospective on how your blog was hatched/evolved? I'm venturing out into the blogging world and I am oh so curious about your experience.
Oh my goodness - I LOVE this. And I want to post it all over and start a (sorry) healthy conversation! Beautiful
Thank you for this post. My comment comes a couple days late but I have to put my 2 bits in. How long do you have? haha.
When it comes to my body and our history together we have not had the best relationship. For so long I viewed myself as the chubby girl and always thought that once I lost enough weight I would be happy. Many years were spent loveless and unsuccessful in my dream of being skinny. I had a baby and gained 60 lbs. and it stayed on for much too long. My marriage ended a week before Christmas in '09. And with that I lost about 20 lbs in a very unhealthy way. Then one day I decided that I was going to find who I was and get to know the women I was born to be. I began to dress my body instead of cover it. Began taking care of myself physically, spiritually, socially and emotionally. And then one fine day I noticed I wasn't fitting in any of my pants anymore.
I now have lost 50 lbs (slow and steady)and I love my va-va-voom. I know that my body is not the enemy. I am still what the world would call "fat", but I am not what the media and society tell me I am.
We women need to be there for each other. Love ourselves and love each other. I wish more women could realize we are not a cookie cutter gender.
I am size 14 and happy as a clam!
Take that world! ;)
Hhmm..I should have read this before my grocery store tweet.
I am looking forward to this series and will be doing a lot more reading on the subject.
I am fat. I have been since before my kids were born.
I was not fat growing up, but my mother was- and she spoke of it constantly and I was witness to the endless parade of short lived schemes for her to lose weight... none of which worked.
We were not allowed to snack and made to feel guilty for sneaking food outside of meals, so we would overindulge whenever we had the chance. I was not fat... but believed that I was, and since the air in my home always weighed heavy with the desire to be thin- I began to question my own size.
I think I first dieted at age 8 or 9. I didn't need to. I first began throwing up at age 13. When my mother took me to the Dr. to address my bulimia,he stated that my weight was just perfect. This prompted my mother to comment that since I was the perfect weight now, after throwing up for months.. perhaps I HAD been a little overweight before.. Le-sigh.
Fast forward 25 years or so, and I have altered my metabolism so dramatically from years of trying to fix wasn't wrong to begin with... that I am now... fat. Guess what? I would rather be thin. But guess what else? My friends still like me, my husband still finds me attractive, I am still a good person and I have come to realize that I am more than the sum of my weight, measurements and BMI.
I have 3 amazing kids (2 of them girls), and guess what? They have never one time in their lives heard me complain about myself or mention my size. No "F" word spoken in my home. And my kids? Perfect. Happy with their bodies, confident in who they are, eating when they're hungry and stopping when they're not. I know that it only takes one thoughtless comment to make a young woman question whether she is OK the way she is... but I can guarantee that thst comment will never ever originate from my own home.
A very refreshing and important post. I don't think people talk about body image misconceptions enough. It was definitely a struggle for me since I was 16 ~ and I've always been naturally thin. It was my commitment to begin a dialog about this very thing that made me write my body image missive and start a new blog.
http://thebodychronicles.wordpress.com/
Thank you for your words!
I think these posts are great and really appreciate them. The only thing that I think is missing is discussing that diets feel temporary. As if though you only have to diet until you lose the weight. If someone is staying on a diet for 5 years, that is a life change, I would say that doesn't count as a diet anymore. If you just make a life change in your eating habits and level of activity, there will be results or at least maintenance. Diet is too tricky of a word to use too nonchalantly.
Thank you again, you are getting some great points across.
Thank for such great posts on body image. More honest, straight forward talk about this subject is needed.
My scale is hidden under my bed, and once a month I pull it out first thing in the morning to see where I'm at. I'm in the Navy Reserve and every 6 months I have to weigh in and do a physical fitness test. Part of overall Physical Fitness Assessment is whether I maintain my body in the weight or body fat standards mandated by the Navy. It's hard to do, and causes a great deal of stress.
I can't wait until I don't have to worry about this, and in the meantime I tell my body thank you every day for being strong, sexy, healthy and helping me to accomplish so much in my life. My body is amazing.
Here is the ultimate response to ALL responses:
http://www.or-so-i-feel.blogspot.com/
This kind of thinking is what can not only end the obesity epidemic, but also help people to embrace themselves and take advantage of the opportunities in their lives.
It is a must read
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