Wednesday, August 22, 2007

House of Saunders WARNING: XXX Rated


Dear Chrisizzle My Nizzle,

Oh how the years have been kind to you. In the three short years I have known you (three right?), you haven't aged a day. Can we reminisce?

Let me begin with the first time I saw you. It was at church. You were sitting a few rows ahead of Davey and I in the back of the building. I notice how adorable this little couple was so I choose to ignore them. I don't know how to handle situations when there is a cuter couple that Davey and I, so I ignore. That's just my way. I'm usually an outgoing and friendly person, but not this time. You were a bit intimidating (you're kind of a big guy), and your wife was too dang cute. Her trendy little outfit and obvious friendly personality. What was a girl to do? This girl decided to ignore you. For quite a while too. Then fate brings your wife and I together in the most desirable of callings, the Young Womens presidency. One thing leads to another and we start talking (your wife and I), you come in a little later.

Then, you come in a little later. Davey starts to think you're kind of a cool guy so I decide to give in. I know your friendly but at church you put up a wall, sometimes like you don't want to talk to people or something. Even though they're all so cool. Anyway, I certainly have no idea where that observation came from, so I'll move on.

We start hanging out sometimes (as couples, hello), going to dinner and such. Thai Chili Garden was the first place wasn't it? My memory fades so quickly. You like the Massaman curry I do believe, with chicken. Let me know later if I'm mistaken, but I don't think I am. I would like you to know that I am no longer a Thai virgin and I owe it all to you.
Davey and I wanted to return the favor so we invited you to the Whorehouse (Mi Rancherito in Payson). The best "baptized in cheese" place you've ever been. I am a Payson native so I must share the wealth. The wealth of fatty, delicious Mexican food that is. By this point we've opened up a little. Talking about silly things that I cannot disclose to the public. We took you to special places, like my aunt and uncles viewilicious home in Elk Ridge, Peteetneet, and the most recent being the Hare Krishna temple. I feel like I've been a part in opening your eyes to the wonders of southern Utah County. I would like to apologize now for the pictures that you saw of my husband. I feel like we've gotten that close you know, I can show you things like that now. Is it still too soon? I've been too forward I suppose.

Anyway, remember the time you came over to play Pictionary? I do. Wendy was there with Ranster, my brother and sister-in-law Rick and Jen were there. Good times, good times. Do you remember when you did the splits at our house and ripped your pants? I do. I know it comes up often, but it's one of the highlights of my life. It seconds the time one of my teachers in high school did the splits. She has the same body type as you, so to see two people of your size and stature do something so crotch-ripping was amazing.

I mustn't go on for too long. I would just like you to know that Adelaide has a crush on you, but you are 35 years older than her and married. Married to one of my friends. I don't think it would work out.

Oh yeah, my favorite movie you're in is The World's Fastest Indian. I thought you'd like to know.

I hope you have a fabulous birthday.
-Megan

***
I kept trying to teach Adelaide to say "Happy Thirty-six" but it kept coming out like "Have some dirty sex". Yes I acknowledge that this birthday greeting will probably go unposted due to its intense graphic nature, but I wanted to send out my deepest regards all the same. Oh, if I die I want you to marry Megan, raise Addie as your own and shoot the dog (the order is up to you).

PS- Sometimes I like to just go down to the lake and think about you.

-Davey