Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Aliens Can Be Such A Nuisance

Yesterday I was the mother to a rocket ship captain. We rode through space on two green couch cushions. Occasionally we'd stop on some extra-terrestrial orbiting moon and the captain would kindly employ the lunar-landers. But only before he'd make me wear a space helmet (the gold shiny pillows off the red couch, perched on top of my head) before touching down. He's a thoughtful-and-safe guy, that captain.

He took me to Mars, which was bigger in real life as it turns out. It looked like a pizza without any toppings and produced a vibrating, ringing noise in its outer atmosphere. Then we flew back home and the captain asked me to put him to bed. Captains need their rest and after all I am his mommy.

He slept for .02 seconds, because you can't be bothered with REM when you're trying to save the galaxy.

After a few successful missions, I had to tell the captain to return me to my mothership (the kitchen) which was messy because we had aliens over for pancakes that morning. There was star goo (pancake batter) all over the place and someone had to wipe it up before it hatched an intergalactic species on the countertops. I just hate it when that happens.

After the captain retired from his post, and the kitchen was humming with saucer-washer sounds, we sat on the couch and watched the rain out our front window. Our view was busy with passerbys, people moving in the rain. We counted the umbrellas and called out colors,

"Blue 'rella!"

"Green 'rella!"

"Red 'rella!"

which was a fun game until the retired captain and I disagreed on what constitutes a true purple.

"Purple umbrella!"

"No Mom. Pink 'rella!"


(It's true: captains are headstrong.)

After dinner there was a shark in our living room. It chased me around trying to bite my rear end. I outwitted the beast when I turned on some jazz and the shark transformed into a dashing dancing partner. By the time he was ready for bed, and we had read his favorite Halloween book about the bat and the pumpkin, he was back to being a little boy, and I was his mom.

It didn't take long before he was out, which is good because unlike the rocket ship captain, this boy needed his sleep (and so did his mommy).