Decisions
In my determination to write more (and subsequently stay sane) I have joined author Ann Dee Ellis
in a memoir writing group. 3 days a week she gives prompts and then
for 8 minutes we write. Please feel free to join in! Here's my eight
minute attempt today:
I am a decision-making junkie. If I am not making decisions I feel very smothered and suspicious and I worry that a decision I am not making is going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
Whenever I get stressed or overstimulated my only recourse is to make decisions. I go to some place quiet like my room or the bathroom (for like 4 minutes) and I go through my decisions and then I make a choice and at that point I can return to whatever I was doing with a slice of resolve.
The problem with this (and any under-balanced coping mechanism) is that sometimes I over-decide. I will over-analyze and obsesses over methodology. I get about twenty steps ahead of myself on occasion. This happens mostly when I am planning things--like family adventures or civic events.
This is a problem because I stop taking care of myself emotionally and physically. I am so present in the decisions and so absent in my actual life that when the events or adventures are over I am a shell of a human for weeks. Then slowly the blood spools back into my body and I revive and carry on.
The good news is that I do this less and less in my life. Mostly because I've stopped caring about so many things I once cared deeply about. Like for instance how I look. But I still have a long way to go. Don't we all?
But right now Erin is begging me for some attention and so I will make a decision to stop writing about this and go make her lunch.
Grilled cheese or peach smoothies with toast?
And so it goes.
I am a decision-making junkie. If I am not making decisions I feel very smothered and suspicious and I worry that a decision I am not making is going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
Whenever I get stressed or overstimulated my only recourse is to make decisions. I go to some place quiet like my room or the bathroom (for like 4 minutes) and I go through my decisions and then I make a choice and at that point I can return to whatever I was doing with a slice of resolve.
The problem with this (and any under-balanced coping mechanism) is that sometimes I over-decide. I will over-analyze and obsesses over methodology. I get about twenty steps ahead of myself on occasion. This happens mostly when I am planning things--like family adventures or civic events.
This is a problem because I stop taking care of myself emotionally and physically. I am so present in the decisions and so absent in my actual life that when the events or adventures are over I am a shell of a human for weeks. Then slowly the blood spools back into my body and I revive and carry on.
The good news is that I do this less and less in my life. Mostly because I've stopped caring about so many things I once cared deeply about. Like for instance how I look. But I still have a long way to go. Don't we all?
But right now Erin is begging me for some attention and so I will make a decision to stop writing about this and go make her lunch.
Grilled cheese or peach smoothies with toast?
And so it goes.
